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Review of the day for the week of July 28, 1997.

Monday:
Out to Sea

Out to Sea
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Out to Sea is a good movie for older people. (And, I mean the "over forty" crowd.) Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon star together as a couple of old geezers on a cruise. Initially, Matthau landed the cruise ship deal by signing them up as dance hosts. A few stupid pranks and vaguely amusing one-liners later, the movie has evolved to their pursuit of two rich women. So the story continues...two old geezers chasing two old rich women.... But are the women really rich? You can pretty much figure out the ending from here, so this movie offers no big surprises, and little entertainment. If you're not over forty and a Jack Lemmon/Walter Matthau fan - skip it.

My Rating = Two Stars

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Tuesday:
George of the Jungle

George of the Jungle
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George of the Jungle is quite possibly the worst movie I have ever seen. The takeoffs from various other movies - the worst is the Lion King takeoff- and corny jokes are bad enough, but they don't seem to know when to stop with a "meant-to-be-funny" bad stunt. The scene where everyone yells "Watch Out for that Tree" and George of the Jungle proceeds to slam into it wasn't funny the first time, but they repeat this stupid scene over and over throughout the movie. It's as if they think that if it didn't get laughs the first time, it may get laughs the second, third , or hundredth time if they annoy the audience enough. I didn't laugh, and didn't hear too many other people yucking it up in the theater either, although I did hear a few forced-sounding chuckles and several crying babies.

Let me tell you just a little about the ridiculous plot to justify my bad review. It's about George of the Jungle (duh) a guy who fell out of an airplane and into an African jungle when he was a baby. Give me a break. About twenty years later a sickeningly sweet American and her stuffy, stuck-up fiance are in the African jungle shooting a wildlife video. While being attacked by a lion, she meets George, falls madly in love with him, dumps her now-jailed fiance, and takes George back to New York with her. I won't even bother pointing out how unrealistic and impossible this is because I'm sure my readers have enough intelligence to figure that out by themselves. Unfortunately, the screenwriters for this waste of time didn't.

I give it a one (although I'd rather give it a minus five!)

My Rating = One Star

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Wednesday:
Good Burger

Good Burger
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Good Burger is a bad movie. Okay, that's not terribly articulate, but after sitting through two hours of more stupidity than even David Letterman would dare dish out, I think I've temporarily lost some brain cells.

In this eye-strain inducing piece of trash, Kenan Thompson and Kel Mitchell - who both work for , you guessed, it - the "Good Burger" burger joint are about to be put out of business by another ,bigger burger joint. Some plot. This is sheer, raving idiocy and moviegoers should not be forced to endure it. In fact, many left in disgust - long before the end. I should have joined them.

This movie barely escapes the rating of one that I gave George of the Jungle for non-funny stupidity. There's funny stupid (i.e., Jim Carrey), and then there's "Get-me-some-aspirin-stupid". Good Burger falls into the second category, and rates a weak two.

My Rating = Two Stars

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Thursday:
Rumble in the Bronx

Runble in the Bornx
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In Rumble in the Bronx Jackie Chan takes you on a humorous adventure in Manhattan.

Keong has come to New York to attend his uncle's wedding. When his uncle sells the small, grocery store to an attractive young woman and leaves on his honeymoon, Jackie decides to stick around and watch the store - and try to catch the new owner's interest. Meanwhile, he runs into another beautiful girl who is taking care of her wheelchair-bound younger brother. One day a bunch of gangsters running from the cops hide some stolen diamonds in the little boy's wheelchair cushion. Not knowing this, his sister buys him a new cushion, and the old one containing all the diamonds, gets stuffed under her couch. Therefore, they now become targets for the gangsters, and the FBI. Fortunately, this is a Jackie Chan picture, so Keong can kick and punch his way out of anything - including surrendering the diamonds to the gangsters. In one entertaining scene, a punk invites him to kiss his you -know -what, and Keong, thinking fast, grabs an antenna off of a nearby car and stabs the guy's you -know-what with it. This kind of action continues for the duration of the movie, and never fails to amuse.

My Rating = Four Stars

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Friday:
Michael

Michael
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Most people envision angels as white-robed, blonde women with wings and gold halos. Gag, gag. Not according to Hollywood. Refreshingly original , the film, Michael, is about the archangel Michael (John Travolta), a fortyish, flabby smoker and sugar freak. Michael does everything that angels are not supposed to do - he smokes , participates in barroom brawls, chases women, etc... I almost expected Michael to lose his wings (yes, he does have wings; no halo though, I wonder why?) and be locked out of Heaven by the end of the movie.

Despite the fact that Michael may sound about as angelic as the devil himself, he still winds up doing plenty of good things. Two reporters and a so-called "angel expert" research him, and discover that there is much they don't know about him - and a lot that he can do for them.

Michael is attempting to create a romance between the angel expert , and one of the reporters. Supposedly, this is Michael's last trip to earth, his last blast. Will he succeed at matchmaking, or will he wind up going back to Heaven with nothing to show for himself but a beer gut and a dusty old pair of wings? See this hilarious, surprising movie to find out - but don't expect Michael to grant you any miracles just because you shelled out the dough to see his movie.

My Rating = Three Stars

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Saturday:
Operation Condor

Operation Condor
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Operation Condor is a comical, but action packed karate movie. Although I'm not crazy about karate flicks, and had previously skipped Jackie Chan's movies, I absolutely loved it, and now plan to rent the rest of his films.

Chan plays a spy trying to find gold long hidden by the Nazis during World War II. He runs into one of the Nazis' granddaughters, and with the help of his, well, bossy female boss, they set off to find the gold. A particularly hilarious scene occurs when Chan pulls off a woman's towel, leaving her naked - to distract a few terrorists - just so he can attack them. O.K.

Chan's humor was different because he wasn't just another stone-faced "spy on a mission", nor was he a completely ridiculous Jim Carrey, but his own style made him an interesting cross between Jim Carrey, and Pierce Brosnan - a blend I find quite entertaining.

My Rating = Three Stars

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Sunday:
Air Force One

Air Force One
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Air Force One is a fast-paced action movie that stars Harrison Ford as the President of the United States who is trapped aboard a hijacked Air Force One (as if you couldn't tell from the title). Although I've never been a big fan of Harrison Ford as that annoyingly stone-faced look never seems to leave his face, he does a reasonably good job of acting presidential. Glenn Close portrays the vice - president (Naturally, I thought a female president would have been perfect, but a female vice-president was a nice touch.), and Close's staunch portrayal of a loyal VP under pressure was magnificent. The hijacker, an ugly Russian nationalist (well, if nothing else, at least he, too, is fervently loyal to his country), takes everyone on board- including the president's wife and daughter- hostage and shoots one hostage every half- hour. This makes for an interesting three-star movie, with an extremely high tension level, but don't take little kids, as it's very violent.

My Rating = Three Stars

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