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Review of the day for the week of June 8, 1998.

Monday:
The Golden Child

The Golden Child
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Hilarious comedian Eddie Murphy is the only thing that keeps The Golden Child entertaining.

The plot is rather silly - Murphy plays "finder of missing children". At the beginning of the film, he appears on a television show to appeal for assistance in finding a teenage girl who recently disappeared. The shallow minded host keeps getting off the subject, and Murphy has to repeat himself several times. However, a woman sees him on TV and tracks him down - apparently a young boy in Tibet has been kidnapped by some devil-worshippers who want to use the child's powers for evil purposes. (This part was rather confusing and vague.) Naturally, Murphy laughs it off, but the beautiful woman insists that he is the "chosen one" who will save the child, so he reluctantly agrees to help her. At this point, he starts having dreams that are but aren't reality - it becomes extremely surreal and makes your head spin. You can never be sure if he's supposed to be hallucinating, if he's in some sort of "other-world" or what.

While The Golden Child initially has comedy, it becomes too jumbled to make much sense, and is seriously lacking in plot.

My Rating = Two Stars

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Tuesday:
Almost Heroes

Almost Heroes
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Almost Heroes is, simply put, an idiotic, disgusting, and moronic piece of trash that's almost a movie.

Matthew Perry and the late Chris Farley star as early- American adventurers who aspire to overtake Lewis and Clark on their journey westward. Leslie Edwards (Perry) is a conceited sissy whom Bartholomew Hunt (Farley) constantly teases and annoys. And their makeshift crew is even more pathetic!

In one headache-inducing scene, Edwards attempts to teach Hunt to read. He shows Hunt the capital and lower-case letter "a", at which point Hunt screams, "No more today! I can't take anymore! Can't you see my head is full!" At that point I couldn't take any more either, but forced myself to stay.

In an even more retarded scene, a Frenchman crew- member bites off another man's ear in a redundantly Mike Tyson display of idiocy.

I consider this all to be the lowest form of crude humor around, and the worst way to get a laugh. Come to think of it, I didn't laugh, and I didn't hear too many other people yucking it up either.

My Rating = One Star

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Wednesday:
Regarding Henry

Regarding Henry
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A very young Harrison Ford stars in Regarding Henry, one of his much earlier - and better - films.

For one thing, Ford has quite a character to play in Regarding Henry. Henry is a successful lawyer with the warmth and emotion of a hardened criminal. You have to wonder what his wife (Annette Bening) sees in him.

Then, a tragic shooting leaves Henry comatose and brain-damaged. Although he does wake up, he doesn't recognize his wife and daughter, and has lost the ability to speak or walk. After much physical therapy, he learns to speak and walk all over again, but he still remembers only fragments of his old life. When he goes home, and later returns to his job, he basically has to start from scratch. But he develops a more open and caring personality than he did before, and becomes a much more honorable person (he gives up law because he no longer wants to be dishonest). Talk about character development! Harrison Ford performs this role so well that you have to wonder why he took that ridiculous and pointless part in Star Wars.

My Rating = Three Stars

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Thursday:
Hope Floats

Hope Floats
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Hope Floats, while not a Gone with the Wind or Titanic, is still a pleasant movie that captures your attention.

Sandra Bullock portrays Birdee Pruitt, a woman whose husband and best friend inform her, on national trash TV, that they are having an affair. After this humiliation, Birdee packs up and returns to her hometown (and mother) with her young daughter Bernice (Mae Whitman). Once there, her oddball mother, Ramona Calvert (Gena Rowlands) provides comic relief, and Birdee stumbles across very old boyfriend Justin Matisse (Harry Connick, Jr.) again. Apparently Justin is interested in stirring things up with Birdee, but she seems reluctant to get involved with anyone so soon after her bad marriage - she isn't even divorced yet. (Her mother approves the match and becomes a marvelous matchmaker for Justin and Birdee.) Since Birdee snubbed quite a few people back in high school, not too many people in her old hometown are happy to see her. Dot, a formerly overweight woman whom Birdie evidently mocked in school, now runs the employment agency where Birdie hopes to find a job, although she lacks many skills - other than prom queen. Dot puts Birdie in her place, but eventually put her in a job at a Photomat.

The acting was very convincing, and Connick is certainly easy to look at. I enjoyed Hope Floats, and noticed that the theatre was packed.

My Rating = Three Stars

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Friday:
Homeward Bound II

Homeward Bound II
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Homeward Bound II Lost in San Francisco is an agreeable movie for small children but, I can assure you that any teenager or adult will know what the ending is - long before it arrives.

The Himalayan cat Sassy, the golden retriever Shadow, and the American bulldog Chance, are the Seaver family's lovable pets. The Seavers plan to take these adorable pets with them on a camping trip in the Canadian Rockies, but, surprise! surprise!, their pets get loose - and lost- at the airport. The "lost" pets trample around San Francisco, trying to get home to the suburbs, and they meet some friendly stray dogs , while the Seavers worry about them. Does it sound similiar to Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey? They could have called it "Lost Again!" Only instead of fighting impossible odds lost in the wilderness, these pets are lost on the rough streets of San Francisco. I think you know what will happen.

If you're looking for a "safe" animal movie for young kids, this is it, but if you're looking for more excitement, and an original plot, this movie will disappoint you.

My Rating = Two Stars

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