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Review of the day for the week of October 21, 1996.

Monday:
The First Wives Club (1996)

The First Wives Club
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The first major film of the fall season, this one isn't half bad. Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn and Diane Keaton play three middle-aged women, who have been dumped by their husbands for younger, sexier women. They form a revenge pact, that will insure that their ex-husbands lives after marriage will be a living hell.

I must say, the three stars make a pretty funny trio. Of the three, Hawn comes off best, as an actress who-in her middle years-is being subjected to the humiliation of playing "mother" roles. Keaton adds her malevolent touch to her usual Annie Hall type roles. Midler is surprisingly the lamest of the bunch. She's good in the scenes with Hawn and Keaton, but in others, she is constantly trying to steal the spotlight from the other actors (Sarah Jessica Parker, Dan Hedaya, Philip Bosco). However, it is quite enjoyable, and you'll love the wicked humor directed at New York high society. I only have one other major quip. Was the annoying show-tune, "You Don't Own Me", at the end of the picture really needed?

My Rating = Three Stars

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Tuesday:
Caligula (1980)

Caligula
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I've searched over the years for a movie that is the worst peace of trash ever to be brought before your eyes. I thought I found it when I saw Showgirls. I thought I found it when I saw the works of Ed Wood. But at least those were laughably bad. No, I'd have to say that this notorious $15 million porn flick-which is supposedly about the life of the brutal Roman Emperor (Malcolm McDowell!!!)-is without a doubt the sleaziest eyesore (and earsore for that matter) ever to dare call itself a motion picture.

It may have cost millions of dollars, but it certainly didn't go to good production values or fine acting. The costumes look as if they were all bought at a second-hand store; The cinematography looks as if mud was splashed all over the lens; The music score is abominably out of place here; The screenplay by Gore Vidal (Vidal for Christ sakes!!!) is recklessly scattershot; And the dialogue is mind-boggelingly dumb, not to mention badly dubbed. What is most sad is how such talents as McDowell (A Clockwork Orange), Helen Mirren, John Gielgud (looking as if he'd like to be anywhere else but in this movie) and Peter O'Toole got themselves mixed up in this debacle.

It may or may not shock you to know that the version I saw (there are other versions unfortunately) was the uncut, X-rated, 156 minute, hard-core film. Knowing some of the biased minds out there, some would probably think I was supposed to enjoy this. This is most sincerely not the case! Even the most avid fans of X-rated movies will be rightfully repelled, mostly by the endless series of decapitations and castrations. When you see this movie, you will probably do one of the following batch of choices. (a) Fall asleep, considering the monstrous length (for this type of picture). (b) Turn off the video after the first ten minutes in disgust. Or (c) Patiently wallow through two and a half hours of filth (as I did), coming out badly fazed for the next two months or so. Of course there is always my favorite choice, after you listen to reviews like this. (d) Skip it! I can understand if you want to see this film out of curiosity. You have every right to be curious, what with all the hoopla centered around this. But for those of you who think your going to get an entertaining experience out of this, simply because of several scenes of nudity and orgies, then prepare yourself. You're about to slam into the wall of reality.

My Rating = One Star

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Wednesday:
Oliver & Company (1988)

Oliver & Company
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Recently re-released in theaters, after spending a decade in movie limbo, this pleasant Disney updating of Oliver Twist to a New York setting, with animals in the roles, is quite enjoyable kids and adults. Here's the gist of it. An orphaned kitten (voice of Joey Lawrence) meets up with a group of pick-pocket dogs, lead by the free-spirited Dodger (Billy Joel), who take a liking to little Oliver. Of course, a Disney animated film is not without it's villains. This time, it's in the form of two bloodthirsty Dobermans and their criminal master, Sykes (Robert Loggia).

The animation isn't up to standards with some of Disney's earlier and recent 90's efforts, but the acting is enjoyable and the fine music (from Joel, Huey Lewis and Bette Midler) is the closest Disney has ever come to a rock score. It might not be a remembered classic like Pinocchio or Bambi, but it's definitely good enough for me.

My Rating = Three Stars

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Thursday:
Psycho III (1986)

Psycho III
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I think they've milked the series for all it's worth. Now, it's just another Friday the 13th clone, with some bad comedy thrown in. Anthony Perkins returns as the delightfully creepy Norman Bates, who's still running the motel, still living in that creepy house on the hill, and still cutting up young blondes into little pieces. Enough said I'd say. Perkins is the whole show here, while the rest of it goes down the tubes, fast! I think it's time to say goodbye to Norman, and then send him to Bermuda for his retirement for the rest of his years.

My Rating = One Star

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Friday:
The Defiant Ones (1958)

The Defiant Ones
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An outstanding classic, that still holds up consistently through the decades. Tony Curtis and Sidney Poitier star as a couple escaped convicts, one white and one black, who are trying to make a run for freedom in the deep south. Being shackled together doesn't help things any. After a series of close calls, in which both help each other out constantly, they soon gain a growing respect for one another and decide to head to freedom together.

One of the all-time great suspense-action pictures, with two top-draw performances by Poitier and Curtis, good support by Theodore Bikel as the sheriff in pursuit, an excellent story and many memorable scenes (the last scene is incredibly touching). This is a predecessor to some of the action-buddy flicks of recent years, though it's far superior in many ways to some of the high-budget, slick action fare of today.

My Rating = Four Stars

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Saturday:
To Live and Die in LA (1985)

To Live and Die in LA
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One of William Friedkin's better works of film, this follows the pursuit of a counterfeiter (Willem Dafoe) by a tough secret service agent (William Petersen), who is just as bad as Dafoe. It features one of the best film chases in recent history, as Petersen and his buddy are being chased along the LA freeway, going down the wrong way! It has great performances by Petersen, Dafoe (cool as a cucumber in his part), Dean Stockwell as Dafoe's lawyer, and John Turturro as one of Dafoe's sleazy cronies. With the gritty feel of NYPD Blue and Friedkin's earlier The French Connection, and one hell of a great chase sequence, this is destined to be an action classic in the next few years.

My Rating = Four Stars

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Sunday:
Legend (1985)

Legend
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One of Ridley Scott's more ambitious fantasies, the story gets bogged down in murky details. The story is a relatively simple fairy tale. A young warrior (Tom Cruise) sets off to destroy the lord of darkness (Tim Curry) and rescue the beautiful lady in distress (Mia Sara).

The acting is okay, but it's heavily overshadowed by the lavish production designs and special effects. Curry is unrecognizable as Darkness, and he plays him with a certain flare. But because of the huge amounts of make-up, it could be just about anyone under those tons of latex. The movie is almost completely devoid of humor, something it desperately needs to help you wallow through the dark, depressing story line. If for nothing else, see it for the magnificent production values, instead of the dreary story.

My Rating = Two Stars

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