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Donald Bredin-Smith

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Caversham Park Village, UK

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Desertion & House Rape (Part 1)

by

Donald Bredin-Smith

Goodbye Little One,
I loved you once,
Perhaps it is that I still do,
But not as then,
And then is now a dim, a near forgotten past.

Four days, a twisted vacuum, a gut torn screeching hell,
Four days, impaled in nightmar'd blackn'd cell,
You, Thursday gone, house sign'd for sale then systematic clear,
Bared rooms, bare shell, bereft of all that I held dear.

Dread Friday moved not you into your daughter's veil,
But to another, you left to live with your lover male,
Shock'd pain, I felt not pain, I know not what I felt,
Awesome fearful hurt, deep within, a sickening searing belt.

I knew him, dastard man, and he my patient late
Smooth cad, slick charmer, arrogant, with me no mate,
His ached feet to reassure, referred to you to opinionate,
He came not back but back'd to you to make sleaze copulate.

Dark Saturday, restless hopeless day, it still did hurt no less,
And Sunday, bless'd relief, my son's day long lov'd caress,
Monday Thank God, my work that I did so embrace,
That night, sound counsel that gifted me good grace

At midnight dawned in me the make of our marriage roles
You the queen, I the serf, apart us both by poles,
Our introduction and our bond, each a gross mistake,
In short, your lot, never you to give, you can only take.
Yours to climb to stand aloft, so to stipulate,
Yours then to stoop and crude manipulate,
And I? Seeing now with grace agifted,
Free long last the bended knee, uplifted.

There is no turning back in this, your suicidal rush.
In you, there was another, such secrecy and hush,
Who quickly our decline did haste, outside my scope,
Killed then in me a faint, a lingered hope,
When as before we both did stand upon the edge,
Not forward then, we stayed the ledge.

But long before all this to light became,
We both indulged a common couples game,
Domination yours for years to my blind eye,
Submissive mine, same years, not aware my cry,
Of late, your bark, your ridicule, your power,
So oft, too much my dignity did cower.

July, my stand I made, my self respect to now restore,
No longer took your talk-down bray,
Made oft' so sore, my pride it tore,
Then the daily conflict faced, the constant flared up fray,
Do not talk down to me I say,
And you would try as like you may,
Do not talk down to me I say,
And when at last you could not, then awoke my day.

Thus set you on your blinkered road of vengeance,
Crushed ego, your slander now my hailed life sentence,
Amongst your patient fold, my name to vulgar smear,
So to realise your base ill promise to ruin my career.

Two months prior your quit, my ruin your primary game,
To those you treat, foul lies relay'd, leaving me your aim,
Your boasted fear my drink and beat were cause for you to go,
Truth shown alas, your start swan song, adultery all to know.

September, then stalemate, a form of loose accord,
My ground I held, my pride refound,
Whilst you, your ego crushed, no longer lord,
In house control, you lost all round,
Challenged, scorned, angered red emotion,
Embarked with venom, your blind infatuation.

We calmed, our planned vacation to deplete,
You staying, goaded me I'd not alone depart,
I did and now at last your love plot to complete,
Not so, unexpected, your blueprint torn apart,
His wife who did in April six weeks leave their home,
Know of affair long going but not with whom ongoing,
Returned as begged and realising same affair agrowing,
Stormed out of signed agreement meant for her new housing,

Three days had you to now in panic leave,
Three days had he his marriage to bereave,
Your planned adultery a further full half year
To allow divorce your partners without fear,
Now fully wrecked, snap actions made not clear,
Rash frantic plans to cost you both so dear.

Nowhere now to hide, exposed to all, your secret lover,
Worse worse still, full year long lie his cover,
My own lov'd feelings sickingly betrayed,
Deception, fraud, our real love full bye-layed.

The shock, Oh God, the hurt, the hate,
The dreadful state. But wait!
Another man in all these years, one more amongst the rest,
Wake up, wake up, to how we made our nest,
To bed with me, you, from your first, did stroll,
To bed with him, he, after me, you made whole,
Three beds at least your score,
I too then, just one more?

The harsh deceit, the foul deceit,
The contemptuous rapture of your daily homecome greet,
The lies, the faltered care, the listless love, all feeling lost,
The chasm yawned, took you one step, a void of frost,
I, my stance, my dignity and pride intact,
You, your power game spent, with me made less impact.

The lie with me you lived and lived in gloated comfort,
Our separate rooms a pleasing ease you and your consort,
Whilst I, in ignorance, strove to think a way,
To somehow bind again what was our own byway,
No hope, what use, what waste, inert,
You, unknown to me, bed him for your sleaze dessert.

Why did you run?
Why did you flee the home?
That in your comfort safe was fun?
Conceived, contrived, produced, your own.

What made your run?
Usurped perhaps, now where the fun?
No longer lord, What had I done?
Good God my stance? Was that the gun?
Your power base gone,
Your dominance done.

Where be the other?
His turn now to be the fodder!

Miscalculation vile of both your grieving partners .
Underestimated, fine fine street fighters,
She of thirty coupled years,
He less twenty sheds no tears.

Felt you two, our make-up mere pushovers,
Wrong, we are frightening skilful probers,
Your past exposed your future no repose,
His arrogance a front, his vile secrets to disclose

Peace no peace,
How you both do suffer,
By another,
In time, short time,
How you both will suffer,
By each other.

For now, you and I live hate each other,
Whilst also I live hate your fodder,
In time, short time,
I'll hate your neither,
In time, short time,
You'll fight to hate each other.

Back will I never go nor glance,
Freed from the millstone now, long last my chance,
Loosed from the fearsome dominant heel,
Free life soon I am about to seal.

She is gone, no return, let her be,
Let her be,
And he,
Well, nothing 'cept
He took her,
And gifted her from me.

Goodbye Little One,
There is nothing left,
There was nothing left,
A long long time ago.

Both now alone,
Best left alone,
To their own,
Sad, so very very sad.

And I am free,
Thank God, I'm free,