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Carson Edward George Smith

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Corner Brook, NF, CA

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This Soul I Call My Own

by

Carson Edward George Smith

I have seen the tears of a million babies crying,
Their tears they fell upon my burdened soul,
And weighted me down while I walked my journey,
And chilled my body while I sat in the coldness of the atmosphere.

The scriptures of the Bible have lifted me into a state of understanding,
But this feeling did not last as long as I anticipated,
I have felt the power of faith and glory to its fullest,
But still my soul withers as it drifts and I feel so alone.

These thoughts of mine has haunted my mind my whole life,
The sadness that I carry are memories of lost feelings in the wind,
The dusty road that carries my feet to places I have not seen before,
All lay in the boundary of the unknowing future I have not yet seen.

I have seen the eyes of the elderly and felt theyíre feeling of abandonment,
So much they have and have not done with regrets to their life and love,
Alone they are with death creeping and learking in their corners,
As the tears from there opened eyes drown me in my struggle to succeed.

The only knowledge of life I know and accept is the never-ending aging,
Like the elderly now I too will one-day feel the same as they do,
No matter where I run I shall never out run this birth rite of turmoil,
My destiny has been planed for me since the day I have been born,
And no matter what, it will follow through as it was planed.


The Sailor In Me

by

Carson Edward George Smith

Around me deep the sea do roar,
And in this sea I see no more,
But in the sky the birds fly high,
Watching the ships as they sail by.

I watch and learn to this I see,
And to this world I feel free,
But to my heart that weighs me down,
I fight to float so I wonít drown.

I love this sea and to me itís life,
And to my soul it brought me strife,
This new found land I have to keep,
And in my life my roots run deep.

The stormy waves that rock my boat,
The rain that fell upon my coat,
The wind that blows me to and fro,
Are all I ever need to know.

This life my forefathers came to adore,
Are memories that are no more?
But in my heart the thought is there,
And to the sea my heart does fear.

The sailor in me will always show,
Though from this land I have to go,
A part of me is here to stay,
And I will remember day after day.

The life I knew from boy to man,
The sweat on my brow the callused hands,
And to my life it brought me pride,
The love for my culture I will never hide.

And when my seed is spilled with life,
To teach my family of this strife,
And to their lives I shall not band,
For I am proud to be from Newfoundland.


The Wind That Blows

by

Carson Edward George Smith

Gentle wind that blows the tops of the trees so swiftly in perfect tune with my heart,
Gently blow against my will and cool the hot summer night with your amazement,
Bring forth the blackness in the sky high above my weary head tonight,
And allow the rain to pour warm drops of life around this place where I stand.

Oh wonderful Wind Goddess from this mystical place that we know as heaven,
Come forth and show yourself to me with all your beauty, power and grace,
Allow me to see the true nature of your mighty ability to destroy and heal,
And I promise that I will not allow myself to be blown away by your power.

Ah the sounds are like a million spirits crying aloud from a far off place,
A place I am sure that became their very own utopia and a haven for the unwanted,
I wish that I could visit this place, Oh please wind take me there,
Lift me from this place called earth so I can fly freely with the stars above me.

No luck I have to see this place I feel a grave disappointment,
But in my mind so huge with imagination I have seen this place a million times,
So much wonder of this place and I cry with every thought in nightly dreams,
Only to awake to start the day in a state of confusion and unfulfilled needs.

This wind so wise with so much to teach can not stay here forever,
But with every visit she continues to sing to me a song of life,
Songs of love and songs of hate and songs that mourns my heart and soul,
Has taught my life so much to care for as I lay in my bed of torture.

She seems to understand when I say I am hurting deep inside,
And blows softly a breeze to cool my burning soul of desire,
She allows me to tell my story to her of before I was a man,
Of boyish dreams and fears so great she listens without disturbance.

Soon she will fade away and I will be left in a still calm night of loneliness,
Alone as I was before she had entered my life to bring me a feeling of relief,
She blows through the graves of so many that have lived long before I did,
And I remember them with a song of love for they no not as I do.

I say my final good-byes to the one I love so much with teary eyes of sorrow,
I know that I will miss her in my life until the next time I feel her glorious presence,
Empty I feel inside with lost feelings of acceptance and denial to my life,
But she keeps on loving me and this I know through experience and depression.


In A Dark Dwelling Dream

by

Carson Edward George Smith

In a dream I have seen the dark dwelling,
Upon my soul I feel the cold damp night,
The only light comes from a broken window,
And I am lost with no where to go, but home.

I have seen a vision of the broken hearted,
In lifeís most traumatic scene there love departed,
Alone like I with tears that form a river bed,
To this the raw taste of humanity has been felt.

The nightly sounds are loud and repelling,
The haunting voice of someone yelling,
I watch this from my broken window,
And no one can see me there.

This night I feel so peaceful, because I am here alone,
So safe I feel upon this night for this I know it is true,
My damaged soul is beckoning all the love you have to offer,
But a thought can overwhelm a feeling to the broken hearted.

The ghostly whispering of the wind is calling out my name,
But I can not seem to see the image of this stranger,
All this I feel is a plot of the destruction of all I know and feel,
And I realize this for I sit in this darken room alone.

The gentle fear of the unknown has troubled me with hope,
But hope I have within my withered soul of lost love forgotten,
I sit and concentrate upon my most dreaded fears that life has to offer,
And I understand that life has no meaning but hurt and deception.

My deserted soul lost with no moral sense of time around me,
I am a lost soul looking for a place to rest my weary wings,
But no such place I have found that is willing to accept me,
And I am in a state of depression of memories that have not passed.


My Lady Of Desire

by

Carson Edward George Smith

The morning of the night when nature is at itís final resting,
I sit amongst the trees of knowledge and denial,
I think of life in a respective fashion with hopes and dreams to grasp,
And I wonder what I have done in my life to deserve a lady like you.

With one look at the face of the lady that I love so much,
My heart - oh this tormented heart I have within me still,
Mends with tears of joyous feelings of love like no other before,
And I know that life with thee will mend all I have ever known.

These eyes I see through will always put down all that I know,
With a judgmental and observable way that I do from my mind,
But with you I see no disguard of pain that ever will take over,
So I humble myself to thee with love that shall over power the world.

I will love you in the morning when the sun starts to peak from below,
I will love you in the night when the stars are shining brightly,
I will kiss the nectar off your lips so rosy red with pleasure,
And hold you close to my heart with a promise of a better tomorrow.

I think of my life before and how it will be if you were not in it,
And a great sensation of pain dooms my body into a dark hallway,
No light I see at the end of this long deserted tunnel,
With this I know that you are the one who is meant for me.

Carson Edward George Smith
September 19, 2000


Humbled In Her Presence

by

Carson Edward George Smith

She stares outside her window, but nothing is in sight,
The view is dark and hazy, but she looks with all her might,
The night is crawling upon her and she never blinks her eyes,
And I just sit here watching her and wonder why she cries.

She has touched my tormented spirit; she touched my shattered heart,
She is a lady I can not get rid off and I never want this feeling to part,
But in my mind I have her, but in reality this can never be,
For she is a lost depressant spirit and she reminds myself of me.

I have touched this perfect lady with the thoughts I have inside,
I have comforted this perfect lady on all the nights she cried,
I have held her perfect body when she needed to be held so bad,
And I want to be with this perfect lady and without her I am sad.

She sits alone and I observe this, and I want to know the reasons why,
All the thoughts that she has given me is enough to make me cry,
But I watch her from a distance and she does not know I am there,
I want to tell this perfect lady that she has nothing in this world to fear.

I want to get close to her and show her how love can be,
But she just stares out into the world and she never looks at me,
She is causing me to get down and I need to share what feel inside,
But this feeling I will not share for I am afraid she may think I lied.

She walks the boundaries of life alone with no one at her side,
Her face it carries all the pain she has with hope of a better tomorrow,
But tomorrow will never come that is why she is always sad and alone,
And I just sit and watch this lady for I feel the way she does.

So now the feelings I have for her are locked in my volt within me,
Never to be let free in to the atmosphere, but only to be known by me,
And the thought of what it might have been lingers deep inside my mind,
For she has touch this broken frail body for what she carries inside is kind.


A Poem Of Nothing More Then This

by

Carson Edward George Smith

One lonely cloud high in the sky above me,
Hanging over my head with rain about to pour,
I watch this cloud, for it reminds me of myself,
And I listen to the wind as it tells me to come forth.

The companion that I am with walks next to me and in silence all the time,
She has nothing worth saying, but she listens with ease and very well,
I tell her the story of creation and she smiles with a since of relief and remorse,
And together we walk hand in hand with nothing more then questions in our mind.

She is a love that I need, but do not want in my life for I am a loner deep inside,
My passion for this lady is one that I have never felt before, but I feel now,
She causes my eyes to be blind and my ears to become deaf to the world,
And together we cuddle close sitting while we watch the world spin on its axis.

Today is a day that shall be like tomorrow, but a different time in my life,
She understands this and that I am different, but respects me for I am a poet,
She likes to be with me, although at times she does not totally understand me,
And I accept her for who she is and she accepts me for being who and what I am.

I want to tell her what she means to me, but I decide to keep this to myself,
This information of feelings would cause difficulty between our friendship,
If she does not feel the same as I do, I shall understand and still be her friend,
But I do not need the conflict and the talking of "I am the guy that once liked her."

Day after day I am sad, but I am really happy, depressed and confused also,
How can this be is in the minds of those that do not understand me, for who I am,
This is how it is meant for me to be, and this way I shall remain until death,
And I feel all possible feelings in a day, more then others feel within a lifetime.

No one truly knows until they listen to what I have to say, only to be confused
Like this companion that I have by my side she is with me and tries to understand,
And she knows me from the point of view that I want her to know me from,
Together we dance holding each other tightly using our heartbeats as the music ends.

We do not know where we are going; we are free spirits within the wind of life,
Together we walk keeping each other company with love by our sides,
Our hopes, dreams and fears that we share keep what we have alive inside us,
And then when we reach the end shall we understand the journey that we are on.


Ode To Love

by

Carson Edward George Smith

To the glorious songs the birds do sing,
To the sun set from the heavens,
To the moon that shines in the nightly sky,
All remind me of her beauty.

To the flowers that bloom with a heavenly scent,
To the leaves that fall in autumn,
To the feeling of this I feel inside,
All remind me of her presence.

To the wonders of birth of a baby,
To all the love I have inside,
To the thoughts of her I carry within me,
Form happy tears of joy.

From the highest top of a mountain,
To the deepest realm of the sea,
To the mysterious shapes the clouds do form,
There is no love greater love then thee.


One Of The Losers

by

Carson Edward George Smith

Those eyes so blue and dark with life,
Has marked a feeling inside of him,
A feeling so great that saddens his heart,
Like a failure he has become one of the losers.

So lost inside without understanding of love,
His actions has no explainable meaning,
And anger he feels for years gone by,
And depression he blames for his actions.

Communication is lost no love he has,
And death is learking in the shadows of his room,
His hands so cold and swollen with hate,
His eyes just glare in the corner.

Mixed feelings of what life should have been like,
Turmoil has filled his life full of questions,
But now as age slowly descends upon him,
His questions turn into answers.

One of the losers, one of the losers,
One of the losers he feels he has become,
No future to great, just feelings anguish,
And alone he sits in the dark.

His window so small to see the outside world,
He watches the outsiders walk with emotion,
His tears so plentiful that burns the side of his face,
The fire is slowly dying.

He works in the day and comes home at night,
Then stares into the mirror of truth,
He does not know the image, which he portrays,
So lost like he has amnesia,

One of the losers, one of the losers,
One of the losers he feels he has become,
No future to great, just feelings anguish,
And alone he sits in the dark.


Aspects Of Life Untold

by

Carson Edward George Smith

In moonlit nights of memories,
Memories of dreams far gone,
That surpassí all I have ever known,
And haunts my soul Ďtil dawn.

Release me from my bondage,
So I can live once more,
And tell a tale of life unexpected,
A tale of life no more.

In morning days of sunshine,
I feel the withering rain,
The rain that cleansed my soul,
Repentance became my aim.

No self-satisfying feeling I have,
>From all the knowledge I gained,
And in a hole my soul fell deeply,
So cold my body became.

Alone within society I am,
With thirst and hunger for lore,
With remembrance of all my failure,
In days I live no more.


Fearful Delusions

by

Carson Edward George Smith

Come to me and shed your woolen coat,
And let me see the beast deep within your soul,
Heart made of stone blood cold as ice,
Winter storm I see deep within your eyes.

Why do you look at me with devilish eyes?
Eyes that haunt me with fear of love,
Eyes that are deep within your head,
Haunting dreams at night in bed.

Searching for the days of yore,
Joyous life you have no more,
Eyes so red and face so white,
Moonless night you have no light.

Sparrow flying high in the sky with grace,
While you are looking for your place,
A place in time you need so bad,
Happy times still make you sad.

You have no time, no time for rest,
You wonder why your soulís not blest,
Doomed for hell to burn your sins away,
Heart broken feelings upon you lay.

I want to help but to this I can not,
You have to learn why you are caught,
And why your life is sad and dark,
And why your soul it has been marked.


A Dream

by

Carson Edward George Smith

One night I had a dream,
A dream of all a dreams,
I dreamt of death, I could not see,
Why do these feelings come over me?

I was not afraid; I did not care,
For I was dead and had no fear,
The dark was nice and so fulfilling,
The echoing sounds of someone singing.

The mournful cries for help was loud,
But I just sat upon my cloud,
I listened close, but could not see,
Oh the torture that came over me.

Take my hand I yelled aloud,
For I am here upon my cloud,
I reached and waved but still no sign,
I wonder why, Could I be blind?

I reached so far and fell so deep,
I wonder if I could be asleep?
I fell and fell for what seemed forever,
The mournful cries just made me shiver.

As I was about to reach the end,
I awoke with fear I need a friend,
But I was alone and I could see,
Oh the torture that was over me.

Was this reality or just a dream?
I yelled so loud - I could not scream,
The fear was great what could I do?
I just laid in my bed and thought of you.


Shall I

by

Carson Edward George Smith

Shall I think of thee as a ray of light,
A light that shines from above,
To brighten up this mortals life,
With your mind so pure and kind.

Shall I think of thee in a romantic way,
A way that has won my heart from the start,
And I shall be happy with this thought of you,
And together we shall always be.

Shall I tell thee that I love thee,
And forever thou shalt never leave my soul,
You are my angel sent from heaven,
And I can never life my life

Shall I remind thee how much I love thee,
With a kiss our lips will touch with love,
And together walk the boundaries of life,
With love on our side we will always succeed.

I am in love with you,
This I know is real,
From the first time that I saw you,
I knew that you were the one.


Angel of Darkness

by

Carson Edward George Smith

Her hair is like the colour of a crow,
Her face as pale as milk,
Her voice is like the creaking of a door,
But yet I know I love her.

Her body is shaped like the handle of a broom,
Her hands are used more than the average hands,
Her eyes are sad and filled with tears,
But yet I know I love her.

Why do I love this image of death?
Her being is filled with darkness,
Could I be next in the book of death?
But yet I know I love her.

Her mind is filled with the troubles of the world,
Her heart is filled with sorrow,
She knows that her time on earth is short,
Will she live to see tomorrow?

She haunts my moral being,
She fills my heart with fear,
And when I see my image in her eyes,
She seems to draw me near.

She is the angel of darkness,
She brings with her peace of mind,
And although her appearance is deathly,
Her heart is very kind.

She does not like what she has to do,
But she must bring you out of the light,
There is no need to try and fight,
Just close your eyes - and say good night!


The Dance Of Life

by

Carson Edward George Smith

Depressant night moon so bright,
The stars are shining nervously,
The heart do tell what the mind do feel,
And with this I feel bombarded.

And when the heart do break with fear,
One knows that their life hath ended,
But in the soul of age and sorrow,
The thoughts they burn for passion.

My eyes are red and hurt so bad,
My lonely heart not happy, but sad,
And all I do in life is stop, look and listen,
With this I say I need you.

Please take this feeble hand of mine,
In it you shall find peace,
And in my mind of days far past,
I shall be your only haven.

So kiss my lips and touch my face,
Dance with me with all your grace,
And waltz away the pain I have,
For in my life you have finally entered.


Mentality

by

Carson Edward George Smith

Tormented soul to call my own,
Moon shinning down upon the redness of my eyes,
Shadows hiding the fear I carry inside,
And I am forever searching.
Tolerant to the trials of life, as unfair as the may seem,
Slowly going into a time of darkness and grief,
Seeing things as I have never seen before,
Crying out for help, but you just shut the door.
The flowers that were blooming are fading away so fast,
The sun that once was shining now sinking down behind the mountains
The world is slowly changing and I am changing too,
Observing this with opened eyes for I am really blind.
Running away from the cruelty of society,
But there is no where for me to run.
The sounds are getting louder like a thousand sparrows singing,
Mentality is low, but logic is making sense,
And I am just a stranger, just a lowly stranger,
Needing to feel the love I lacked since I was a boy.


The Song The Birds Do Sing

by

Carson Edward George Smith

I heard a bird sing in tune with all that surrounds her body,
In early morning days of rain she sings with all her glory,
So peaceful the sounds that she makes in the wind,
While I am gently sleeping.

The rain beating down against my bedroom window,
The wind blows from the east with ferrous sounds of the gods,
The bird she kept on singing her glorious song,
And then she fell to harshly to the ground.

Got up she did and flew around - the wind did blow her swiftly,
But perched again on the branch she once sat,
To sing the morning songs of survival -
And then slowly I forced myself out of bed.

I walk to the kitchen to pour a cup of coffee,
Then sat and lit a freshly rolled cigarette,
This bird she kept on singing,
These songs I do regret.

I turned on some music to drown her constant chirping,
But little did I know,
The winter winds around her blowing,
The snow began grow.

Away she flew from here so fast,
With winterís days approaching,
And now I miss her lovely songs,
While in the mornings I am sleeping.

Come back to me I plea with sincerity,
I need to hear your early morning songs,
But no sign of her I fear she is gone,
And life around me dead without song.

Regret I feel for not listening to her lovely sounds,
Regret I now feel the sorrow,
But maybe she will return to me,
So I will wait in bed tomorrow.


Feelings Of Anguish

by

Carson Edward George Smith

I have searched for all answers,
I have to confess,
My knowledge for intellectual power,
Over powers the rest,
My desire and hunger,
For years that went by,
With remembrance of feelings,
I felt as a boy.

And I walk through this garden,
This garden of life,
Lay mortals of history,
Beside them their wives,
I walk all alone,
With thoughts in my mind,
I prey for deliverance
My lifeís so unkind.

Oh this lady of glory,
Has beckoned my soul,
To tell tails of history,
And life thatís no more,
My heart is still wounded,
I plea with my eyes,
Guide me through darkness,
And youíll be my bride.

This life, oh this life that is mine,
With feelings of virtue and heart filled with crime,
And hatred for beauty of minds in a cage,
"We are the Actors and the world is our stage,"
So I watch all around me,
With hope and despair,
I fight for our freedom,
Does any one care.

I asked her this question,
She could not compare,
With visions of angels,
And flowers in her hair,
This vision of beauty,
With her mind filled with me,
Please guide me through darkness,
My eyes need to see.

She frowned as she held me,
And light filled the air,
She guided me through darkness,
She showed that she cared,
And with her I journey,
Through all the days gone by,
She is the life I needed,
And now I never cry.


Feelings Of So Much

by

Carson Edward George Smith

You have released me from the shame once known,
Crimes against humanity and biblical scriptures,
Respected dreams that return just to haunt,
Memories locked deep within the sub-conscious,
And lies that tells the stories of life before Jesus.

These feelings of ideological learningís through time,
Sufferings that took place by the hands of man,
Viewed through the eyes of God,
And witnessed by no one that would help,
Are teachings of valuable learningís of cruelty.

Mythology like the bible passed down through stories,
Feared by many and mocked by the rest,
No refurbished feelings of anguish just lust for lore,
With thoughts of what maybe with lives that live no more.

I see the hands that rule the world that life depends on,
Political power that change the lives of so many,
Disturbed families and domestic abuse of all,
Is just a fraction of all the pain that lives in the valley of darkness.

Clouded days of rain and sorrow that falls around my weary feet,
I wonder if contagious magic really does exist in the heavens above,
No proof I see or do I witness any love from the social norms,
Just robotic members of society that run on greed and social want.

The innocent must suffer while the rich gain their earthly treasures,
The same as through history and years of slaves and war,
Freedom for all was never culturally determined by love,
Just shame of an Azande society that reconciled their sinful ways.

How stupid can my counter parts be with thoughts of freedom?
We are not free if we have to do so much before me die,
I wish to be free as the birds flying high in the sky above me,
But freedom has a price and taxes must be paid,
So the rich can buy their toys and the blue-collar citizens feel the hunger.

Carson Edward George Smith
January 18, 2001