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Ann-Marie Renaud

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Windsor, ON, CA

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mloderst@sng.uni-frankfurt.de (Ann-Marie Renaud)


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Feelings

by

Ann-Marie Renaud

I am the kind of person who has feelings for everyone but me
I help as many people as I can and feel loved all eternity
I hate when people are confused and depressed
I admit it, I will confess
I know other people have problems that are a disaster and a mess
That's why I help others to handle the pride I have
And the ones I don't know I hold


Mom I Love You

by

Ann-Marie Renaud

I hugged my mom one day and said, I love you mom I love you so, no matter what, I wanted you to know, I love you with all my heart and all my soul, till death do us part at least I said it so.

Love You MOM


{Love Questions}

by

Ann-Marie Renaud

I wanna know how you know that you love someone?
I wanna know how I know I love someone?
Can you love more then one person?
What if you love someone who doesn't love you
Can that still be the feeling of love?
Just because he doesn't love you and he didn't feel love for you your feelings are differant so does that mean it can be real love but just not getting the feeling of love
from him to you?
I still think of him after being together 9 or so years ago
the last time I saw him was 4 years ago
I never slept with him is that maybe the reason I think I love him or is it because I really do?

Thank You


Mother Rose

by

Ann-Marie Renaud

Mother Rose
The flowering Blossom of life
I soothe your breath
Your virgin smile
I intake your name to be as my wife
And in death I'll carry you denile
for I am strong and desperate
To concour you fears


Untitled

by

Ann-Marie Renaud

{ What Was That Light}
I was really tired,
It was 11:00pm,
I got in my bed and wrote in my diary,
I turned off the light and held my teddy,
I closed my eyes for not even a second,
either I was still awake or I fell asleep
for just a second,
A bright light flashed
into my eyes and I jumped up and felt scared at what just happend,
My heart was raceing I was I was so shocked,
did I go to the other side?
what was it?
the light was really big and bright,
it wasn't lightning it was so different,
I am never gonna forget about that night as long as I live.


{May 13th 2000}

by

Ann-Marie Renaud

23 yrs ago this day,
I was born in this world
seems not that long ago,
I would say.
time is going by so fast
and my life is just a mess,
so now I just have to say,
that this day in May is such
a darn almost perfect day
the sun is out and the wind
is cooling us down no humidity
just little white fluffy clouds
just 70'F out
not too hot not too cold
it's juust right
and i'm 23.


{Birth Sister}

by

Ann-Marie Renaud

I don't know you
But I love you
Your my sister forever and more,
I know you may not know that I even exist
but you have another sister besides me
so the love is growing more
I hope that one day that our dreams
will come true
that the phone will ring
and that it would be you
I have searched on the net
and not getting any clue
I just hope we can find you.

Love: Birth Mother and Sisters
To: Annie Catherine Williams


{Sick & Why}

by

Ann-Marie Renaud

So sick of my life i'm going crazy,
So sick of what people have done to me in school,
So sick of what I have done to myself,
So sick of me not being strong enough to stand up for myself,
So sick of being depressed,
So sick of being fat,
So sick of every thing,
So sick of all of that,
I don't know what to do,
I am falling down further and further I feal that I should
just go,
I don't belong here why should I be here if I can't do anything good?
Why should anyone be here to suffer what this so called life is for?
I need to find that peaceful door were on the other side is what I was really made for,
why do we have to go through hell befor heaven?
Why do we have to be in hell at all?
Why can't we be born in heaven?
My life is just falling appart and I want to let go.


So Sad Mother Dove

by

Ann-Marie Renaud

A few weeks ago a dove and it's mate made a nest in our tree,
sitting so close together the male getting the dry grass and twigs going back and forth for about a week,
The male had not been seen since the nest was made,
The mother for the past three weeks never left her nest huvering over her eggs too keep them warm throught the wet weather and wind and everything that has danger,
tonite mom had gone to her room to go to bed she heard a screatching sound right outside the bedroom and yelled to my dad the dove is being attacked by something I slammed the door to scare it away and turned the light on and we ran outside and under the tree were two broken eggs, I screamed and cried of sadness I was so pissed off it was so sad I am still crying I watched her every day takeing care of her eggs and she worked so heard and she was a great mother it wasn't her fault, I knew I should have put some soft layer under the tree Mother Dove I am so sorry that happened to you and your family,
God let her have a family.


{Fashion Consultant For Edmundo}

by

Ann-Marie Renaud

I met this babe named Edmundo he's amazing in every way.
I look into his eyes and just fall in a maze of feelings and there is alot I wanna say and know. I have been hanging with him for about a month and a half or so now. I'm hoping he has the same vibe from me. Every word he speaks I watch his lushious lips but can't really hear what he is saying, I go deaf and nod my head. I'm just focusing in his eyes and on his lips - I am a dork hehehe.
We were at the mall and he said "if you help me choose some clothes, you can get something too" and that's what we did. He got a pair of pants and a shirt and yes he looked great. He bought me a shirt and he got new shoes, then he bought a rubber chicken for his grandma. Hehehe, We both got visors, no not matching but it was buy one get one half off. When we were done shopping he asked what time it was, and said "lets see a movie". I agreed, so we did. It was 5pm and I finally got home from a day of tiredness for both of us. Boy did I ever have fun. Well I was with Edmundo last night and he asked what I was doing on Sunday. He has the day off he asked me again to go to the mall and help him again, and I can get something also. hmm, I think he thinks I am a fashion Consultant, but you know what, I am. I get asked all the time by my friends. Do I really have a talent that maybe I should follow, well all I know is I am Edmundo's Fashion Consultant :)


Armor of God

by

Ann-Marie Renaud

W gaurd our loins in our trueth.
We shod our feet in the preperation of peace.
We cloth ourselves with the breast plate of rightiousness.
We hold the sheild of faith to quench all the flammeing missels of the evil one.
We put on the helmet of salvation(Our Lord Jesus Christ
Our Lord Our God Our Saviour)
We take up the sword of the spirit which is the word of god.
We ask you god to send worroir angels to go ahead of us behind us and to left and right of us.
Amen


{inlove depressed sinner bullied hurt forgive never}

by

Ann-Marie Renaud

I am in love with this man, and what I did to him I have no way, no how, no chance in this world or life time to ever be with him. I am not going to feel ever forgived buy him, I can't forgive myself for trying to take my own life in front of him. I am going to live with this guilt and pain, I am so selfish I desurve to suffer for what I had done, I am not mad at myself for hurting myself but for I have hurt the ones I love, I can't except the fact I should be forgiven for I will never feel forgived. I love myself but hate the things I do. I didn't wanna end up this way I only wanted to be me, I wanted to live a happy life and feel no pain. I didn't wanna drop out of school at 16 for I was bullied for being me, I didn't know how cruel people could be for I was a free spirit who was happy, I loved me at one time, I love me now but I am not happy, I am gullable and week and feel no strength this is not suposed to be me. I will try my best to get over this self pitty but most of all I wish I could take back what I did to this Angel of God who came into my life, stupid me I am crying for my self what's new? I am also crying for you I didn't wanna hurt you I only wanted you to love me be with me and protect me from the evil path I was headed for I don't wanna party anymore I wanna settle down forever and live the love of god and take all this sin that is in my life and yours and through it back at the devil I wanted to also protect you I was so happy with you just being with you not in sin, I never realized what love was till I lost our friendship so called, the stupid dummie I was thought it would have been forever and more I have no way, no how, no chance in this world or life time to ever be with him.
I love you


Friend or Not Not

by

Ann-Marie Renaud

I have been forgiven by Eric were hanging out again and just my feelings are way still there, I tried to tell him I don't think we should be friends and he said if that is what you want but it will hurt, and for all the love I have for him I don't wanna hurt him but I am being hurt big time and he always shuves it in my face saying your not my girl friend and I am just like grrr I know that dumb ass anyway, I am so into him that I guess I have shoved people out of my life just to please and be with him, my friends are saying is he in a cult and that he is brain washing me and that he is rubbing off on me, I think my life was alott worse befor he came into it but I guess I am just blinded by his every great quality he has but I am sickend at every bad quality and feel it is not safe for me to be hurt from all the bad but I will never forget all the good, I think I am going to goto a rehab and get some help so anyway that is my love life hahaha
I am going to get better.


A Short Prayer

by

Ann-Marie Renaud

Let me dream a beautiful dream for I may see the Lord,
With Angels in armor and Angels in flight, Let me see your beautiful light.


2nd 3rd etc kiss into 2004

by

Ann-Marie Renaud

Sitting at home for weeks planning to stay in Leamington for New Years Eve. either go out stay home or baby sit wasn't needed to baby sit. Dec 31st came was wondering still what to do. hmm every other year for the past 6yrs hanging with my gay friends in Windsor at the gay bar, I didn't wanna do that I wanted to have my first new years kiss with a straight guy right at midnight maybe it would bring me better luck and it would be more special. I ended up hanging with my friends this year in Windsor again it was fun but I was sitting there while the counting down to 2004 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 I was getting sadder and sadder each second realizing I had a great year actually and that I was going to be everyone elses 2nd 3rd etc kiss not a first, right at #1 I stared at my friends kissing a kiss at midnight and I cried for about 10 mins then it was all over
like I said I was the 2nd 3rd etc kiss when will I kiss the first kiss.

My Mind

by

Ann-Marie Renaud

Well my mind is weird, I do think too much but is it wrong or right? what I think about, I am a fairy tale gal who is looking for a crown on my head and diamonds around my ankels, I wanna be a savior in your eyes, I wanna be a skinny slave in your fantasy disguise, I wanna feel your feelings stare in my mind, I need you to be here in my dreams to make me satisfied oh baby what do I do? I need a man to be faithful too, My dear angel your wings glitter electric blue with silver tips and glitter from your brown eyes paper to glue, I really like being with your mysterious mind with soo little time you need to think about that heart of this maze of flyin.

Waiting For You

by

Ann-Marie Renaud

I am tired of all this non sence, people wanting eachother and neither doing anything about it, my god get up the nurve, my god say what is on your mind, my man tell me what your thinking, my god send us together for once to charish our minds as one together and let our minds twine forever, my dear what are you waiting for? my man tell me what you whant, we can concor the world we see in our thoughts and minds, is it one or is it two just make it you and I and I and you, what are you waiting for? give us a chance, won't give me the time or the space or the braveness I have, I need you to bring that out of me inside, My dear brave man lets see what we can do, you can make me and i'll make you.
I am one but together is better,we as one includes insperation, confidance, happiness and braveness and love is bigger then all.

Untill Then

by

Ann-Marie Renaud

just wondering what I did? I don't know you quite in my head, wanting to know what I am drinking wondering what I am thinking? the knowlage in my mind is looking for the love of a life, what do I do when you ask me to be your wife? what I will say might surprise you, will I say yes or will I deny you in this life? might I say yes because I am desperate? or no cause I am gready? most likely yes cause I wanna watch it last or work out or nothing else, the lord will always help us out, no matter what, no matter where when or why, he'll put us together inlove in time and well love eachother one at a time.

JerrAnn

by

Ann-Marie Renaud

There is someone I met on a Karaoke nite with my voice in tone I would think, with his smile towards me and our eyes conneted, we kissed and knew we were infact infected with eachother we where in love. many things I hope opened our eyes that the best things were the little suprises, the kiss the hugs the touch of us, with the cake we had shared together and the northern lights above, dancing around his first time experanceing the beauty of. we sat in the wind with only a blanket around holding eachother kissing trying to keep our feets on the ground cold brrrr just thinking about. not long ago we where at the beach naked as could be hehe, we swam and as a clear nite me knowing where to look I knew a star wanted to spark, out of the sky I told him to look for one, he hasn't seen befor, I said look for that beaitiful falling star, him wanting to swim farther he made himself miss it, me floating looking up made me beautifuly wish on and glimps it. my wishes had failed bu!
t possibly wasn't to be, with him, I assumed and wished and prayed but you never know who is a charade.

Where Have I Been?

by

Ann-Marie Renaud

Messed up in sin where have I been?I know who I am but don't see my strengths in my soul. I am going down into the things I dread for my life, at times I like when I am sinning then other times just hate me for doing, why would I call this into my life? when all I am looking is too be a great wife, I am out in this world nite after nite going to bars and doing things that arn't right sleeping around not knowing what void it fills and other things follow this behavior that kills.

40

by

Ann-Marie Renaud

wow how old I am now, I am 40 and still alone were did I go wrong, as I keep singing the same old song,