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Eddie O'Hara

of

Muswellbrook, NSW, Australia

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Brave Little Willie Wagtail

by

Eddie O'Hara

Willie Wagtail - Oh, so brave!
A tail waving birdie
Thought to fly around the world
And wave on his journey!

Willie Wagtail - Flew and flew
A fearless little birdie
He perched on the snout of a crocodile
And waved until one thirty!

Willie Wagtail - Flew and flew
A carefree little birdie
He perched on the neck of a lioness
And waved until two thirty!

Willie Wagtail - Flew and flew
A bold little birdie
He perched on the trunk of an elephant
And waved until three thirty!

Willie Wagtail - Flew and flew
A friendly little birdie
He perched on the head of a buffalo
And waved until four thirty!

Willie Wagtail - Flew and flew
A clever little birdie
He stood next to a porcupine
And waved until five thirty!

Willie Wagtail - Flew and flew
A homesick little birdie
He perched on a Wandering Albatross
And was home by six thirty!

Willie Wagtail - In his tree
A chirpy little birdie
He felt so gala, he sang to a koala
And waved until seven thirty!

Then he went to sleep_

A Bargain Hunting Gentleman

by

Eddie O'Hara

A retired gentleman on entering a charity store
Told a volunteer she should paint the front door!
The store was one of the St Vincent de Pauls
On the counter was an assortment of woolen balls

The man told the volunteer she shouldn't clutter with balls
The counter there of the St Vincent de Pauls'
Then, he chose two wallets from a box, to see
If anyone had donated, mistakenly

Next, he glimpsed a box of spectacles, and said
"I'll try these on for when I'm reading in bed"
He put his own glasses down and tried many on
But retorted, "They're all for someone with vision too long!"

So he tried on a very old looking pair
And enthused, " These are as good as the pair I wear!"
He asked the volunteer to tell him how much
Adding, "I'll buy them for spares, if they're such and such!"

"All glasses are two dollars, and a bargain," she said
The man dropped a test pamphlet he'd almost read!
"Your right! he exclaimed. "They're a bargain, my dear
I could read that pamphlet crisp and clear!"

He paid the two dollars, as quick as he could
And advised, "You should charge more! If I were you, I would!"
He hastily put the purchase into his left, shirt pocket
While the woman looked for the book to give a docket

Someone had tidied the counter at St. Vincent de Paul's
And had put the docket book out with the balls!
The man gave a compliment, "My dear, you're wearing a lovely locket!"
And giggled, "Oh, I wouldn't bother with a docket!"

The woman was new to a counter and to the store
She said, "Well, as long as it's not against the law!
I wouldn't want any trouble for not giving a docket
(Smiling) And thank you, for so nicely complimenting my locket!"

Respondent: "Well, it never hurts to give a few little compliments, now and then
Especially, when they're deserving," he chuckled,
emphasising the when

Jubilant with his bargain, the man left the store
But murmured, "I should have paid more to help the poor!"
On the sidewalk he took his timetable out
And wondered if a bus was at all about.

He sought for his glasses in their case
And turned on his radio to hear a race
He bet a losing horse (by the look on his face)
Then continued the search for his spectacles case!

He rummaged all through his tweedy jacket
Odds and ends clattered, making quite a racket
He opened his carry bag to look for the case
And found it! _Empty!_So he searched lid and base!

Perplexed, he muttered, "Odd! My glasses aren't there!
I wonder if they were taken_by that chap with the hair!"
Despondently, he delved into his left, shirt pocket
"What!" he blurted. "This is incredulous! _And I don't have a docket!"

He marched straight back and into the store
To the counter volunteer he was prompt to implore,
"Dearie, you should practice more! - And give a docket!
You just sold me my own glasses! The ones I put in my pocket!"

NB: A two dollar refund was immediately given_(And the volunteer successfully kept her laughter hidden.)

Stan McCann's Dinner

by

Eddie O'Hara

Stan McCann
A thinking young man
Thought, "Hot sardines are better!"

So, off he ran
And bought a can
Of sardines for his dinner

Stan, heated the can
In a frying pan
Full of water and let it simmer

Then, taking the can
From the frying pan
He opened it up for dinner

On a chair sat Stan
With fork and can
Sprinkling his salt and pepper

But, as he began
To eat from the can
He said, "Cold sardines are better!"

Moral: What may seem best, is not always best, and sometimes it’s hard to know what’s better.

An eccentric Poet

by

Eddie O'Hara

The falling leaves, impromptu fall
A trees own snippings
Too long, the rank grass sways
Where no tree grows
’Tis bliss, for those who know such
Of nature and of life (First stanza)
_____________________

The above poem became a failure
Causing it’s author to write of a whaler
He’d been called the singular of geese
Until, "The Whaler" was hailed a masterpiece!

Those who scorned his previous try
Read it again, and wondered why
They hadn’t recognised that earlier piece
As surely too, a masterpiece!

Critics admitted they’d gravely erred
They called a meeting_and all concurred
"This poem is the work of a genius eccentric

And typically, it’s incredibly innately poetic!"

Moral: Success can change many opinions.

A Pot Of Irish Frogs

by

Eddie O'Hara

There was a man who came from France
Who thought he’d like to take a chance
On eating legs of Irish frogs
That croaked out on the Irish bogs

The Frenchman squished the Irish bogs
Until he found a pool of frogs
He filled his bucket to serve his want
Then, squished his way to a restaurant

A chef there said he knew how to cook
Just like they do in a French cookbook
He put the frogs into a pot
But wasn’t ready yet to get them hot

Now, he couldn’t resist to snatch from a shelf
A bottle of his best, as he said to himself

"Oy know what’d be royt to flavour dem up
I’ll add da ohld oyrish whasky, but no more dan a cup"

A minute - and with not a frog left sober
From the pot came a chorus of The Irish Rover!
The chef gasped, "Well, I naver tought I’d aver hear a pot sing!
Da wee folk must have done dis ting!"

He thought he’d take the pot to church for a hymn
Till the frogs leapt onto the pot’s wide brim
They were Irish to the brogue, and their chorus flowed
Through a delightful (slurred) version of The Old Bog Road!

The Frenchman in the kitchen, poking around
Caused a commotion on hearing the sound
He sought to lay blame - he’d assessed it a blunder
And cried to the chef, as loud as thunder

"Monsieur, you have ruined my legs!
With your rocket fuel, that’s no more than dregs!"
The chef in a daze, remained unfazed
In reproaching the Frenchman who was going half crazed

"Our whaskey is known as a ‘good drop’ da world over
From Boston to Shanghai and even Van-coh-ver
But I won’t argue wid ya, because yer a guest
And I’m sure neider will da wee people, who did dis in jest!"

The Frenchman refused to listen at all
Until the chef informed him, he’d cooked for De Gaulle
That must have impressed like a medal of honour
The chef was embraced like there was no tomorrour!

Suddenly, the blunder was a trivial matter
The Frenchman now preferred legs off a platter
He apologized to the chef for making a scene
They drank whiskey together, and the frogs hopped away clean!

A Child's Christmas Eve

by

Eddie O'Hara

The christmas tree is glowing bright
There's an angel on top with a starry light
Glistening and sparkling - Oh, what a tree!
There's Santa's red stocking. It went up to his knee

I wonder, I wonder, what's under the tree
All wrapped up there waiting for me
I wonder, I wonder, what present's for me
I'll wait till the morning and that's when I'll see

Mumma and poppa are having fun
Out in the kitchen doing things to be done
Tommy and Jill are under the tree
Trying to guess what each present could be

I wonder, I wonder, what's under the tree
All wrapped up there waiting for me
I wonder, I wonder, what present's for me
I'll wait till the morning and that's when I'll see

The church bells were ringing - Mumma said "It's midnight"
Santa came but kept out of sight
He came down the chimney, but I didn't see
He left presents for everyone under the tree

I wonder, I wonder, what's under the tree
All wrapped up there waiting for me
I wonder, I wonder, what present's for me
I'll wait till the morning and that's when I'll see

We left cocoa for Santa, he drank it all up
In the backyard he left Janey a pup
Tomorrow, if he likes mumma's cooking
The pup can have some of my christmas pudding

I wonder, I wonder, what's under the tree
All wrapped up there waiting for me
I wonder, I wonder, what present's for me
I'll wait till the morning and that's when I'll see

..Oh! I just went to the window and took a peep
If that pup don't stop barking, we won't get to sleep!

A Motorcycle Dream

by

Eddie O'Hara

Some time ago I had a dream
I was in a big city on a street named Gleam
Everything sparkled like you've never seen
In that city, in that dream

Well, dreaming away, as I snoozed in bed
A razzle dazzle sign said, "walk ahead"
So I walked up the street and found at the top
All ablaze in lights, a motorbike shop

Peering on in through the window pane
I saw rows of motorbikes and not one the same
The whole shop sparkled and was clean as clean
Everything was polished to a shiny sheen

And the chrome-work shimmered on wide handlebars
While saddlebags studs flickered like the stars
I was dreaming a motorcycle dream!

Now, in that dream there was a salesgirl
She was filling motorbike tanks with fuel
She saw me and she gave her biggest smile
I, of course, smiled straight back, then we both weaved a track
between some bikes and met in the middle isle

The salesgirl's name was Eliza Lee,
Somehow she seemed familiar to me
She was leather clad and oozed personality

And the chrome-work shimmered on wide handlebars
While saddlebag studs flickered like the stars
I was dreaming a motorcycle dream!

Eliza Lee, I soon realized, liked to ride them motorbikes
She said "Let's take a bike for a whirl!"
Don't ask me how we got to St Moritz
But that's where we were in a second split
going down a slope on a 1450cc.

And as we sped down the mountain through the snow and sleet
Eliza was laughing on the pillion seat
because skiers were startled to see a motorbike ski!
At the bottom of the slope was the Hotel Ritz
We rode straight through the lobby and hit the glitz
Of a nightclub, where the bar was open, and all the drinks were free

Eliza and I swung with that scene
While a new season dawned and the alps turned green
We danced to the terrace as a sun-shower came
And we sipped champagne in the falling rain
Then a cork from a champagne bottle went pop
And we were back again in the motorbike shop

And the chrome-work shimmered on wide handlebars
While saddlebag studs flickered like the stars
I was dreaming a motorcycle dream!

Well, I can tell you it came as a big surprise
When I suddenly awoke and realised
That the girl of my dream named Eliza Lee
Was lying asleep there next to me!

Hey, dreams are hard to fathom, even if you're wise,
And in that dream I didn't recognise
My own sweet wife looking twenty three
And going by the name of Eliza Lee!

At breakfast I told her of what I'd dreamed
Of her and me and the bikes that gleamed."
I said "We fell in love in St Moritz
And you preferred love to a sales pitch
And the chrome-work shimmered on wide handlebars
While saddlebag studs flickered like the stars
Darlin' you were in my motorcycle dream
You were in my motorcycle dream
Yes, you were in my motorcycle dream!"

The Romantic Rocker

by

Eddie O'Hara

It was Brighton near the end of May
He met Belinda on the beach one day
He was dryin' off, he'd had a swim
She layed a towel down next to him

He was a rock star and she was sweet
He thought he’d sweep her off her feet
He thought she’d be out to have a fling
She wore no engagement or wedding ring

He was a romantic from way back when
She knew who he was and that was flattering
She had the looks and looked to tease
She said "Let me hear ya sing a song for me!"

He thought she’d be single, there’d be no-one else
He couldn’t just try to be himself
Yeah, he learnt a lesson the practical way
Outa tryin’ to impress Belinda that day

He sang a little number to keep her sweet
Followed by a rock song with a groovy beat.
He never suggested they take a swim
He was busy building her opinion of him

Well, he told her how she moved with grace
That she had style and a beautiful face
He gave her the numbers of his phones and fax
And told her his earnings before and after tax

Hey, the rock star then became quite a mess
Belinda said something that caused him stress
She confided how she’d been married before
And was thrilled about her new fiancee, Paul

He was a rock star and she was sweet
He thought he’d sweep her off her feet
He thought she’d be out to have a fling
She wore no engagement or wedding ring

Yeah, he learnt a lesson the practical way
Outa tryin’ to impress Belinda that day
"If ya can’t see a big fat diamond ring
It don’t guarantee no-ones in the wings"

He was a rock star and she was sweet
He thought he’d sweep her off her feet
He thought she’d be out to have a fling
She wore no engagement or wedding ring