The Web Poetry Corner

Kelly Nichols

of

Green Bay, WI, US

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What if?

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country_baby101@yahoo.com (Kelly Nichols)

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What if?

by

Kelly Nichols

It seems I had the perfect life
My parents together as husband and wife
A younger sister and older brother
They all loved me, especially my mother
With no money problems to solve
I could sit back and watch the world evolve
I had the highest grades in my class
And I even attended Sunday mass
There were so many hobbies, including dance
I always gave everyone a second chance
I was friendly with everyone at school
If you didn't like me, you just weren't cool
Even though I was never in a bind
I always had other things on my mind
Whenever I came home at night
The smile I wore fell from sight
I ran up to my room and turned on my rap
So sick of faking it I could have used a nap
I shut of all the beaming lights
Sat in my corner and dreamt up new sights
I thought about something different, an alteration
I just wanted a modification
I thought about how I just wanted to entertain
And how the only thing I was good at was using my brain
I thought about all the people I knew
When it came down to my real friends there were few
I thought about my constant isolation
And just begged to be out of this alienation
I can't understand why
But I continue to cry
My life was absolutely ideal
But still from these thoughts I can't heal
It's only my journal where I do confess
To not being able to deal with the stress
I know that I’m not too attractive
And wished I could be even more active
I glanced away and noticed a blade by my book
I didn't think about it at first but I gave it a second look
I thought about what it would be like to be dead
Then pictured myself in an eternal bed
I pulled up my sleeve revealing my skin
My heart so empty by now you could hear the drop of a pin
I grabbed the blade and put it to my arm
In my brain there was still no sounding alarm
I pushed down thinking about ending it all
Just then, from my mom I heard a call
She was beckoning me to come downstairs
I dropped the blade and remembered someone cares
What if it happens another time?
And I just hear the sound of a mime
What if no one says a word?
And it's just the hate in my heart I only hear?