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Thomas Leatherbarrow

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Skelmersdale, England, UK

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Don't

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Donít you do it
Donít even think
For if you did my heart would sink

Donít you do it
Donít even dare
I could not take you not being there

Donít you do it
Donít even try
Each time you do it makes me cry

Donít you do it
Donít even cry
You better not fucking die

Donít you do it
Donít even joke
Because if you do youíve cut my throat

Donít you do it
Donít you die
For if you do then so will I


Happiness

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Happiness,
Is that you I see in the vengeful dark ripping out my very heart,
Making sure I cannot speak or laugh or turn the other cheek,
Pushing me out the door of my mind,
Is it something ill ever find?

happiness

Happiness,
Are you there within my soul scared of what I canít control,
Ill always search though ill never find this thingís not meant for my kind,
And yet thereís some hope in the dark abyss,
Maybe. a possibility of_

Happiness

Happiness,
Now I know its really there locked away somewhere down there,
In the depths of my very being and itís going to take some seeing,
Or someone to just lead the way,
Perhaps all they need to say, Is

I love you.

Love

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Love, what is love

Is it the feelings in your head,
Is it the person in your bed,
This thing it cannot be defined,
That is the reason in my rhyme

Is it there to guide our path
To make us smile, to make us laugh
Is it there when weíre sad and cry
Is it there even when we die?

It is one of those things you see
Thatís one of lifeís great mysteryís

So have I stumbled across the conclusion
That love is just a strange illusion
Designed in some peoples heads
As not to feel alone instead
They created what weíve come to know
As love, "you see its what we show"

They do not see the truth behind
For if they looked then they would find
The answer is there it wants to be found
For it will be buried in the ground

Now its as clear as it will ever be
And know one knows except for me
What it is will become clear
So come a bit closer and listen here

You will only ever have one love
The answer I mentioned up above
So make the best of it while it lasts
And when you take those last few gasps

You as I will have to realize
that love is just life in disguise.

Figure

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

I cant see whatís truth and whatís fiction
But I know I need to cure this addiction
Need to figure

Iím not crazy but they tell me to sort it out
Its not them or me its you who makes me doubt
I Cant figure

When I sit and think in depth
I think of you and lose my breath
Want to figure

Think of what we could be and
Exactly what you mean to me
Can you figure

Iím not as sure as I once was
But maybe thatís just because
You click your fingers and watch me run
But one day I will not come
Figure it out

That scares and shocks me to the bone
I donít want you to go through this alone
But I just cant figure you out

I just donít know where to begin
So ill say this
Just let me in

Then I could figure.

Memories

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Memories of a distant past
Memories that will always last
Memories that we cannot see
Of a not forgotten tragedy

The memories are there theyíre painful and real
These thoughts and wishes no one can steal

Memories of that fateful day
Memories that are sure to stay
Memories that haunt my sleep
That wake me up and make me weep

I think to my self what could I have done
If I had tried to change this outcome

Memories of our first kiss
Memories that remind me what I miss
Memories that I cannot let be
For you are in my heart eternally

Would it have made a difference if I have made her care
It does not matter now for sheís not there

Her memory flashís in my head
I am alone now
she is dead

Blood

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

You have done something I never could
And all I see is rivers of blood

Its very easy to explain
Because every time is just the same

You cut yourself and bleed in the sink
You do it for release, I think

Then you call early in the morn
And keep me awake until dawn

You just want my attention
So what better way than with lacerations

Iím not saying that its for me
But I do wish that you were free

Free of the blood that engulfs your soul
You donít need to cut to feel whole

The rivers of blood flow thick and fast
For once, you know that it will last
Now you will die and that is all
And you wouldnít say what was your goal.

Sanity

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Where have you gone?
Why have you left me all alone?

I have searched but have yet to find
My sanity, my piece of mind

Why donít you ring and let me know
Because its hard to let you go

I look at you and stare, I see
That I have lost all sanity

They tell me that they tell me this
But they are yet to feel your kiss

I lay and think alone at night
I wont give up without a fight

The permutations in my brain, ask
Would I rather go insane.

This is something that I know
Because I will never let you go

When you go so inevitably
Maybe one day you will see

My sanity is all but lost
But I wont forget you
Not at any cost.

Illness

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

I know some people who are "ill"
But I do not know just how they feel
It cuts me deep it cuts them too
Buts you see I know thatís you

Its you who makes those painful scars
Its you who makes them what they are
True enough itís the way you deal
But arenít there other ways to feel ?

I am here only a call away
But I know youíll never ring to say
Come and stand by my side
Together weíll find were it resides

Why you wont I do not know
Its like you are afraid to show
youíve told me stuff Iíve told you too
And now I know not what to do

Youíve made up your mind and Iím too late
Iíve become that person that you hate
This is what youíve come to believe
But donít you see its to relieve

Any pain that I may bring to you
So now you say what you must do
Is to shut me out and not look back.

Fear

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

What do we fear?
Life, love, loneliness, lust, truth, failure, memories, faith, desperation
Fear, hate, happiness, trust, direction, people, pain, belief, rejection
Death, hope, success, anger, pleasure, strength, weakness, depression
Change, judgement, ability, beauty, past, future, reality, corruption

All that was said above are things hidden within
Some of them will be experienced but most will not

This is what lets it win
Fear is a black hole
Itís the thing that doesnít let us say what we wanted to say to people
do what we wanted to, in the belief that maybe we will
crash and burn be shot down and ultimately fail
I suppose itís a kind of survival instinct it keeps us alive
It protects us, comforts us, safe in the knowledge that we ARE ok

It reassures us so that we donít take that chance, everything will be fine
Everything will go on as normal there is no need to change things.
We trust this primal urge we hope and believe in its judgement and ability to direct us.
Let me explain, we could live a wonderful and successful happy life with a beautiful wife.
but what if after years she dies, all you would be left with is memories of the past and inconsolable pain,
Anger and depression, there would be no future, for it died with her, there would be only loneliness.
This is a reality for many people and they hang on to those few years of immeasurable happiness they once had until they themselves die with desperation for the truth, they would be corrupted by love and hate.
So fear is something that thinks of our future for us so that we will have no need to experience all of the emotions and feelings stated above.

The one type of fear that covers all bases and answers all questions is
Is the very reason why many of us will never become anything in our lives
Itís the thing that separates the strong from the weak the successful from the failures
Which in themselves many people fear
And that is the fear of taking that faithful leap its
the fear of the unknown.

Fields

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

I swing alone in a field of hope
my only comfort, is my rope

Now I choke

I sit still and despair, in the field of dreams
I know to well lifeís not what it seems

And still I choke

I move free in field of hate
But this is not my mistake

And still I choke

In the field of death I am alive
As you know thatís were I thrive

but still, I choke

So witch one suits me is yet to be Revealed
But now I know that what I seek cannot be found in
Fields.

Now, will I choke ?

Anger

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

People say that anger consumes you well it doesnít anger makes you stronger,
People say that anger makes you want to kill and hurt for me it will no longer,
People say that anger burns like fire when its asked to be described,
Well its not the anger that makes you hate its what is trapped inside,
Once again I know the truth.

Anger is the most potent of emotions and if used correctly you can achieve all,
Anger can be controlled and used to give direction so that you will never fall,
Anger will be the one emotion that humans must not lose at any cost,
Such is its nature anger, it is fuel if you did not have it then you would be lost,
Is it becoming clearer.

Theses two they walk side by side,
This thing in which anger can reside,
Anger often gets seen to be,
This evil force been sent to me.

The nemesis of the human race,
Cannot be shown upon a face,
well anger can be expressed,
So tell me what might that suggest.

Now,
Anger walks beside it they share the same fate,
This thing that we should all avoid well its name is,
Hate.

Confusion

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow


You do not know you cannot see what the fuck youíve done to me
youíve changed my life fucked with my mind
And now its time to decide

Which will I chose I already know but is this the best way to go?
Time will tell will show the path
And maybe Iíll look back and laugh

I could take advice from all my friends and make it the last make it the end
Has it been blown out of proportion
Has realty been distorted

But I know that thatís not what Iím about I know this without any doubt
Ill be there till the bitter end
Maybe even loose my friends

When Iím with you Iím not confused but everyone says Iím being used
When Iím alone Its not so clear
I tell myself its because your not here

Why can I not sleep at night and why do I hold you so tight
Its because Iím afraid of what I could lose
Its like I told you Iím confused.

Numb

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Now do you see what you have done
youíve made me cold
youíve made me numb

And so it comes around full circle
But did not think that it would hurt so

When you hear people say
what pain they feel day after day
You think and laugh and say how dumb
But congrats youíve done it youíve made me numb

I never had many emotions
but you gave me some
Only to take them back and make me numb

So now Iím back right at the start
But of course minus my heart

So did you enjoy your little game
Did you enjoy driving me insane
Let me ask you did you have fun
Let me ask you do you think you won

Well I thank you now for what youíve done
Because now Iím back
Iím totally numb

Time

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

They say that times a healer
of that I do not know
They say that times a healer
then why wont this pain go
Is it because this pain is different
Iíve tried and tried to shake it off and yet its still persistent

I hope you are feeling this as much I
Yet I know if I were to ask you,
then you would point blank lie

Coz time it seems to be your friend
On it I know you can depend
For you it wipes the slate away
But donít you see there their to stay

Hidden under a vial of lies
That life is better, and yet she cries
She cries because she cannot see what time has truly done to thee

All time does is make it worse
If you trust in time then youíll be cursed
Cursed to a life of ifsís and andís
You must grab your life now,
with both of your hands

Because those nightmares of your past
May fade but they will always last
And you have not confronted them when you have had the chance
So do me one more favour look at me, and do not glance

Look into my very soul
Look and see, I can make you whole
donít write me off or put me in your line
Whatever you do donít abandon me to time

Closure

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

I have needed closure for so very long
To tell me if Iím right or wrong
Of the day when we truly spoke
And the feelings in me that you awoke

But all you do is put it off
Now I know that all is lost
Iím so glad that we talked again
Now I know Iím not insane

I still donít know what I must do
But Iíll be a friend
Iíll be there for you

And it will burn me up inside
Until one day It cannot hide

The closure that I said to you
It was my only lie
It was not true

I still and always will
Long for you

Deprivation

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

If youíd have said that I need to be deprived
I would have wondered how the fuck id survive
I could not go back to how I was
And thatís simply just because

I was stuck in a hole
My life was pointless
Without a goal

But then for a while all I saw was you
And how youíd changed my points of view
I could not have been deprived, I thought
Or else IĎd die, truly distraught

But now I have and its not so hard
But the thought of you wont make it smart
So when Iím alone and when all is said
Ill just picture you in my head

So have I really turned a corner
Can I really go on without her
The thing that might have become my salvation
Is my complete and utter deprivation

Emotion

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Donít let them in or breach your shields
For if you do you wont get out of fields

Emotion is your Achilles heel
so donít let it in you donít need to feel

Tie it up lock it away
Where ever you put it make sure it stays

You donít want it to ever arise
But if it does then close your eyes

Close your eyes to the world then see
How weak emotion can really be

If you never show what you feel
Then it cant manifest so its not real

And now you now what you must do
Heed my warnings for its all true

Shut it away and seal the lid
For your sake just get rid

Returned

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Heís back,
Heís arrived
He has returned

For so long now he has yearned
But heís not the same
Heís not concerned

Because
Heís back
Heís better and
He has learned

Heís back
Heís happy that
Heís been made stronger
He wonít be weak any longer

He knows that they have been buried deeper
Way out of everyoneís grasp all except for her

But
Heís back
Heís better
He has returned, and

Youíd be afraid
of what heís learned

God

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Is he there is he running scared
Let me tell you what Iíve heard

Iíve heard that he is fictitious
Heís fake
Heís just one hell of a mistake

All he does is give false hope
To all of those
Who grieve and mope

Godís not real he never was
Heís only there
Simply because

Were scared of what we cannot see
So we place are trust so faithfully

But its all bullshit
every last bit
Its all bullshit
Yes all of it

So stick god were the sun donít shine
Because I am a person
I have a mind

Desire

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

I desire to be
who you would call
when you cannot face it all

When no one will let you in
my arms you can rest within
Then Out of the ashes you will rise
much to everyoneís surprise

your not perfect
and Iím not too
But ill always remain true

And when your down
id pick you up from off the ground
This is what I desire to be
I want you but you donít want me

What do I desire more than you
Wont you ask me what I miss
Well I tell you if you want me to
I trade it in for one last kiss

Death

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

when you see them lying still
you know that they will never feel

never again feel love or pain
to them now everythingís just the same
theyíll never have things in their heads
that keeps them awake alone in bed

theyíll never feel a warm touch
the one they longed after for so much
theyíll never feel the bitter sting
the one of losing everything

for they are gone and some have cried
Theyíve crossed over to the other side
were nothing is all that they will chase
and theyíll never see another face

never see one of beauty and pride
they do not know for they have died
so donít wear that look upon your face
death is something that we should embrace

it takes away all the bad
what it will do is make us glad
glad that we have to no longer care
they do not have to sit and stare

so look at me
what do you see

am I dead while still alive
can anyone say they really tried
am I like a corpse you see
for that is what I want to be

I envy them I really do
They really donít have a clue
they do not have a single care
oh how I wish that I was there

Always waiting

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Iíve tried Iíve lied to myself and all
I cant shut this out Iím waiting to fall
I wait as night draws
I wait as day breaks
But I ask myself how long will I wait

What I wait for I want to be true
You see what I wait for is a message from you
I wait and wait but nothing will fade
Come back in a few years and see what youíve made

Time it waits for no-one of that youíll see
Time it waits for no-one, no-one except for me
For me it seems to linger go on and on and on
For me it seems to linger and is never nearly gone

Iím waiting for a call that I know will never come
And as I sit so empty now and watch the raising sun
I reminisce of the bliss of all that had begun
On that fateful morning we lay and watched the sun

Now I know that I will always wait
But I have no regretís
Iíve accepted my fate

Mirror

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

When you look in the mirror
Do you think that your grotesque
But if you were to look harder
youíd see your picturesque

Thereís something that youíve hoped for
Wanted and desired
There something that youíve longed for
Dreamed of and aspired

It can be deceiving pull the wool over your eyes
It can take perfection and make it something to despise

If you looked past the minor flaws
And see whatís really there
See your inner beauty
brown eyes and golden hair
And the person that you really are
And the person you could be
If youíd only look a little harder
In the mirror you would see

The loss of me

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Do you not see

Why donít you see
what I would be

My heart it races , I cant feel my skin
My spine it does shiver and Iím cold within

When I see you I think what to do
And you could be free if you wanted to be

You cannot see my bloodshot eyes
And you will not see the tears that Iíve cried

Cried over you, I know what to do
Iím not wondering free an thatís the loss of me

Now Iím alone again alone with my thoughts of you
Now I can see the past and its just out of reach
Now Iím alone again alone with my thoughts of you
And that torments so that I will never let it go

My heart it races , I cant feel my skin
My spine it does shiver and Iím cold within

When I see you I think what to do
And you could be free if you wanted to be

I sat and I stared deep into your eyes
Knowing you wont see the tears that Iíve cried

Cried over you, well what must I do
Iím not wondering free an thatís the loss of me

Cycle of pain

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

You are like the solitary sun in the sky
And have all the grace of the birds that fly
Within its vast realms of icy blue
Its like the tainted soul that rests in you

Sometimes it can burn and consume your day
But like the scars its there to stay
To remind you of your putrid past
And the torment that will always last

And if left to long it will perish then fade
Then something thatís desperate and much worse will be made
A black hole of feelings that strips people bare
To quench the unquenchable to rip and to tear

Once this daemon is made it cant be undone
Never to return to being the angelic sun
Although it may scold and blister your flesh
When it descends the moon will refresh

You are also like the moons Iridescent light
You can sparkly and shimmer and dance in the night
Two halfís of you there are and will be
One is of anguish the other Tranquillity

Unless you make haste youíll inevitable see
Days pass into nights then imprint on thee
And the burning terrors will rampage and be rife
Until one day the conclusion
It will devour your life

Cycle of pain

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

You are like the solitary sun in the sky
And have all the grace of the birds that fly
Within its vast realms of icy blue
Its like the tainted soul that rests in you

Sometimes it can burn and consume your day
But like the scars its there to stay
To remind you of your putrid past
And the torment that will always last

And if left to long it will perish then fade
Then something thatís desperate and much worse will be made
A black hole of feelings that strips people bare
To quench the unquenchable to rip and to tear

Once this daemon is made it cant be undone
Never to return to being the angelic sun
Although it may scold and blister your flesh
When it descends the moon will refresh

You are also like the moons Iridescent light
You can sparkle and shimmer and dance in the night
Two halfís of you there are and will be
One is of anguish the other Tranquillity

Unless you make haste youíll inevitable see
Days pass into nights then imprint on thee
And the burning terrors will rampage and be rife
Until one day the conclusion
It will devour your life

Painful Residue

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

So is this my sentence for loving you
A dark and painful residue
That no one can see no one can view

And as I look inside myself
the feelings they are dim
But the fact is that they still remain,
they still reside within

I guess that I will never know
what these feelings mean
and why they will not go

Only in my words
Would anyone guess
For to the world I would not confess

And as the tears fall off my face like crystal lined snow
Still in that dreaded waiting room
I know not where to go

Now I move on
And we both wonder who
But is it me left with the painful residue?
I doubt it is I believe thatís you

Apology

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow


donít hate me coz im different
donít love me coz im yours
donít even give me the time of day
Because im a lost cause

donít press your opinions upon me
donít force them in my head
Coz one day youíll go to far
And ill end up dead

donít you ignore me
But donít you reply
Coz the words that I fear most
Is that you only want Si

I see it now a play on words
As clever as can be
The name you gave that made you happy
its not even a he

I hope im wrong
And that your ok
And that everything will be fine
And your life is picture perfect
And so unlike mine

Its different now wont be the same
And I cannot return
Ive crossed the line that kept me sane
And still have much to learn

But if youíd come back
And speak to me
the world it could be bared
But you wont read this
Wont now im sorry
My apology wont be heard

Scars

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow


I wear my scars
Wear them with pride
To the world
I will not hide

There not always present on my skin
For most of them are held within
thatís not to say that they donít hurt
Infact sometimes theyíre the worst

When people see them
They stop and stare
Because they cannot picture
themselves being there

Being at "the edge of sanity"
Thinking itís a cry for help its just a plea
But its not, its different
Why cant you see?

Life is easy or so you think
Go out and laugh and have a drink
being the person who is care free
But to have a life of pain and worry?

When your in your teens you should have fun
And not contemplate using that gun
Not be so scared that what youíve ate
Will make you closer to what you hate

When we cut we donít want you to see
donít want to share our misery
We do it away from all of eyes
The release we gain makes us feel alive

And for that moment we are free
Free of the pain that stalks me
The evil in my life has become a pink little scar
For people to wonder what you are?

I alone know what you did
And in my scar is where youíll be hid
A reminder that my past will always be there
I just look down I just have to stare

So you starve and cut and give up hope
Sit in your room and bind your rope
Take your blade out of your phone
And cut and slash_

You're not alone

Pointless existence

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

I wait for death to find me
wait for him to come
wait for him to knock at my door
with that loaded gun

contemplate my life
and why it had begun
think of my pointless path
while I stare at that loaded gun

I just donít care any more,
I just donít give a fuck
Iím fed up of feeling this low
I mean I wrote the god damn book

I sit and stare as I write these words
and burn up in the sun
and taste the metal in my mouth
and eat my loaded gun

one day ill pull the trigger
but that day has not come
so now I wipe my tears
and hide my loaded gun

why cant I do it I just donít know
maybe its divine intervention
that will not let me go

now the time is here
death smiles and nods his head
so I pull the trigger fall to the floor
in a pool of forgiving red

Constantly there

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

A change of place a change of pace
Iím sick of walking around
and seeing your face

Everywhere I go in this lonely town
There are memories of you
That manage to bring me down

Walk past that spot on that wall
See your shadow distant and vague
Turn around
Take a look at what youíve made

Thereís nowhere now that I can hide
Your always around
Stood by my side

Infected now I canít even live
Youíve ravaged me

Every bone every cell
Your there
creating my eternal hell

I must run again
But in my past
You will remain

Yet I cant
I donít know why
But there is an alternative

I could just die

cant explain

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

for only once have i felt like this
and i can say its somthing i have missed

you make me smile
you make me laugh
you make me want your photograph

you give me goosebumps when we speak
you make me crumble
you make me weak

how could this be
why is this true
you feel the same as me
but wont let it through

you give me this uncontrolable urge
and through my veins you seem to surge
through my night and through my day
ill be thinking of you, ill find a way

but youll decide
of that i know
and what maybe
will all but go

it shouldnt have
come to this
but it has
it will

your on my wrist

Effect of you

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

My life was just an empty space
My head was full of shit
Everywhere that I look I see your face
And I can say I love it

Your image imprinted in my brain
Designed to drive me insane
Inside I scream pull out my hair
For every second your not there

Is this an obsession
A mere two week thing
Would I ruin a life
For a few month fling

I donít know if it is
I donít know if its not
But I can say this
I want what ive not got

There are many things uncertain
There are things left unlearned
But around my thoughts a curtain
Of what I think and have yearned

Your eyes are like the distant stars
Glinting like Jupiter or even mars
Your hair is like the elegant trees
Swaying in the summer breeze

Your face is a picture of sheer perfection
Which is only matched by your reflection

Dreams of a dreamer

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

These are my dreams of a dreamer
Things that cannot be
Thoughts that should be locked away
Thoughts of you and me

These are my dreams of a dreamer
Things I hope for in the future
Thoughts that really have no place
Yet in my mind they seem to race

These are my dreams of a dreamer
That can and wont come true
My hate of life my lust for love
My crazy thoughts of you

These are my dreams of a dreamer
Things that seem so clear
Things that seem so real to touch
That cannot disappear

These are my dreams of a dreamer
Impossible that I know
That donít mean I cannot dream
And round my head will go

These are my dreams of a dreamer
You cant take away from me
These are my dreams of a crazy man
And ill have to let them be

Promise me, when im gone

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

have a life thats worthy of living
take your life and dont stop giving
make sure you stay true to yourself
and dont you pander to anyone else

your more worthy than you think
and although you say your at the brink
your not your strong you have that chance
and i could see that from a glance

so when you stand in the summer breeze
and look through pollen at the trees
do not fall down on your knees
i will be there, i will be pleased

do me this favour and carry on
live your life and remain strong
take every chance offered on a plate
and just look past all of your mistakes

so if you stand in that summer breeze
and if you look through the pollen at the trees
if you fall down on your knees
ill always be there, ill always be pleased

Fates philosophy

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Fate has turned and cocked his head
And smile with his last breath
They have taken all thatís dear to me
Him and his friend death

A choice to be made a life to be saved
And one that will not last
Fate makes his judgement and whispers a loud
You cant hold on to the past

Your lifeís not yours
For he has control
Heís always there
Hijacked your soul

A smile a glance
A second chance
Fate has given me
I hope that fate has had his fun
Because I know I wont get three

You hear him laugh
As you take a dive
But remember fates the reason your alive

He holds death off
Keeps him at bay
But fate is there heíll always stay

You cant avoid whatís
Meant to be
The track of life, thatís

Fates philosophy

Suicidal intent

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow


They wonder why it happens just the same
I think Iíve found the answer to the game

Because they like to feel their pain
Subconscious efforts drive them insane

Its them that drives the wedge between
Its them that shatters their every dream

This illness this sickness is a part of them
And will continue to pillage unless the flow they stem

I have realised now why things go wrong
Not because the world is fickle or flawed
But because of all the problems that are caused

Its this that ruins our attempts to be content
This vile disgrace and
Suicidal intent

Solitude

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

A word that comes from beyond the grave
To live alone and not be saved

Oh what a painful thing this is
But that is all and that is this

Through strained eyes and hearts a fluster
Grasping at any strength to muster

Solitude such a lonesome thing
And one that only pain can bring

Solitude is a Burden to much to carry on your own
But By definition is something that has to be done alone

Unstable past

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

This pain in me that slowly grows and tears my soul apart
Destroys my hope, my fear, my love its like it was at the start

Way back before you came
silver In my darkest night
sparkling When I cant see anymore
its you that is my light

I write and wish That you can understand
That you could help could lend a hand
For if this not what you could do
I would ask of no-one not even you

My closest friend my missing piece
I feel the end is nigh
I place my hand upon your chest
and gaze forever in your eyes

And in my mind I live out our lives our future planed so clear
In the end it will fall apart and ill lose everything I hold dear
Because its still there and it has the power to make everything disappear
But its not my life my love and my hope but it is the only thing I fear

Misaligned intentions

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Misaligned intentions
A strange but cognitive thought
These misaligned intentions
Is this not what is sought

Misaligned intentions
Make us wallow in ourselves
These misaligned intentions
Of our own endearing hell

Misaligned intentions
To control so stealthily
These misaligned intentions
Has no faith in whatís to be

Misaligned intentions
Sly and cunning at their best
These misaligned intentions
Much more dangerous than the rest

Misaligned intentions
Has yet to understand
These misaligned intentions
Are controlled by human hands

Solitude

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

A word that comes from beyond the grave
To live alone and not be saved

Oh what a painful thing this is
But that is all and that is this

Through strained eyes and hearts a fluster
Grasping at any strength to muster

Solitude such a lonesome thing
And one that only pain can bring

Solitude is a Burden to much to carry on your own
But By definition is something that has to be done alone

Unstable past

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

This pain in me that slowly grows and tears my soul apart
Destroys my hope, my fear, my love its like it was at the start

Way back before you came
silver In my darkest night
sparkling When I cant see anymore
its you that is my light

I write and wish That you can understand
That you could help could lend a hand
For if this not what you could do
I would ask of no-one not even you

My closest friend my missing piece
I feel the end is nigh
I place my hand upon your chest
and gaze forever in your eyes

And in my mind I live out our lives our future planed so clear
In the end it will fall apart and ill lose everything I hold dear
Because its still there and it has the power to make everything disappear
But its not my life my love and my hope but it is the only thing I fear

Misaligned intentions

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Misaligned intentions
A strange but cognitive thought
These misaligned intentions
Is this not what is sought

Misaligned intentions
Make us wallow in ourselves
These misaligned intentions
Of our own endearing hell

Misaligned intentions
To control so stealthily
These misaligned intentions
Has no faith in whatís to be

Misaligned intentions
Sly and cunning at their best
These misaligned intentions
Much more dangerous than the rest

Misaligned intentions
Has yet to understand
These misaligned intentions
Are controlled by human hands

Differences

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Now Iíve realised that we are so different
are we destined to be
Have you, do you, can you love me

Is this a opinion of mine or something just
bent from truth
something that scares me like old from youth

I want to cement us but Iím so scared
to bring you down
Youíre a free spirit and ill make you drown

For want of a better word Iím a disease
you wont find a cure
Ill clip your wings youíll fall to the floor

I try my hardest to keep these thoughts
for I donít now how to say
I need you ,I want you, I love you. in any other way

I donít think Iíve realised how broken I am
SHE only scratched the surface
But with you its different it feels like a furnace

With you thereís pressure and heat is forever present
like molten emotion
Always ingrained in my heart your my sole devotion

Its sad I know but youíre my star in a cloudy sky
hope is forever present
I just dream and pray that youíll never be that distant

Differences rise and yet they set like the sun
To me its never been so clear
Its those its them the differenceís that keep you here

Whatís wrong with me

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

What is it
Please tell me all
Tell me whatís wrong with me
Tell me what its called

What is it
I just donít know
Tell me what this is and
Help me make it go

What is it
Wish that I knew
I wish there was a cure
But I think thatís you

What is it
This thing inside me
My deep and secret inner turmoil
Makes it hard to breathe

What is it
In hell it be
Devil hath thee took my soul
Thatís whatís wrong with me

Watchers dream

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

We sat on clouds above
Stared down at all we love

Count sheep then fell asleep
But in our dreams we weep

Life just aint what it seems
This is a watchers dream

Were fickle faint and cold
Ignore all were told

Above they point and scream
This is a watchers dream

Lets show them just how theyíve been to all of us
Let make sure they know just what theyíve done to us

As we fall apart at the seems
This is there watchers dream

What if ?

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

what if the world was a self contained enigma
that couldnt be solved for fear of knowing the truth

what if the world was too small to realize its potential
would the world waste its life and decide not to fufil its dreams
what if the world exists only to please those who know it
what if the world got tired and gave up hope
what would happen to all the people who know it
would they dissapear and become a shadow a memory or fight on
existing on a plane soley created by the hope of mortal faith
what if the world was afraid of what it could become
what if the world didnt know which path to take
what would it do then
what if i was to tell you...

that is me

Surfaced

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

I hid it
I covered it
Was convinced it would not stay
But the other night
It surfaced
It never went away

When upon me
The horror dawned
I didnít know what to say
Because the other night
It surfaced
It has not gone away

Appalled and shocked
Disturbed, disgraced
Ill take come what may
As I know again
Itíll surface
And by god I fear that day

I said id never do that
I am not him
His fists and legs would flay
And if I bury it
It will surface
And forever it will stay

Violence

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Whilst sitting and writing
Analysing my soul
Thereís something Iíve found
That I thought I could control

This violence in me
The unstable streak
I donít deserve to be happy
All I deserve is to weep

And by god that I do
but only in my head
for the day that id show someone
id rather be dead

some might say that it is a skill
to be able to hurt to maim and to kill

a part of me agrees
for ruthless I could be
but when I look inside myself
I see that thatís not me

devils martyr

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

A catalyst a fire starter
Devil in disguise
A hell sent martyr

You cannot fix whatís broken inside
Can I trust me
Can I trust her
The devils aide

Scared alone im destined to be
I donít know what to feel
I donít knows whatís me

So back to her and I must barter
Destroyed is the world
Because of a hell sent martyr

Blade

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Upon the surface a shine a gleam
But underneath cannot be seen

Sharp when met
But when gotten used to
You could not forget

A life alone in solitude
The sword decides not to be used

Instead to be looked at
But never drawn
For its vengeance and passion
Wish only to scorn

And people who see that clinical shine
Know that the life of that sword
Is the life of mine

Strange is this life we lead

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Strange is this life we lead
Do you ever stop and think
That peoples choices decisions in life
They push us to the brink

Strange is this life we lead
Do you stop to analyse
That we are all the same
If you just open up your eyes

Strange is this life we lead
Do you ever stop to think
With bonds destroyed some made anew
They share a common link

Strange is this life we lead
Do you stop to analyse
Who gives the right to anyone
To judge each others lives

Strange is this life we lead
And in it we make our choices
But we are all so similar
With all our unique voices

Crimson victim

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Darkness surrounds this
Lonesome place
But in the distance
An angelic face

One of which beauty will
Always shine
One of which someday
I hope to be mine

And in the distance
a sharp beam of light
this moment in time
its useless to fight

the pain and the torture
of a feeling that burns
two souls that connected
left wanting and yearns

alone is this girl of a crimson dream
the love and affection that she never had seen
was stolen away like a blow of a flame
her soul lies in tatters and nothing remains

what will become of the victim of sin
an act so terrible that she hides it within

but I can see her
for what she is
she has broken free
she is no longer his

Situations

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Situations happen
There are things that need addressing
The world collapses
My life relapses
Because I gave the wrong impression

Situations happen
Beyond mere mortal control
A quick sharp pain
Im again the same
I know it in my soul

Situations happen
So pleasing to the eye
A wondrous thing
To hope I cling
And yet I am denied

Situations happen
When life it twist and turns
From love to hate
A desperate fate
For all who are concerned

Situations happen
A mystic and powerful force
For if not you
There is no clue
My life will take its course

Situations happen
I know it in my heart
That is me
And I am he
And I have been from the start

Forever be the same

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Theres someone that I know
Someone like time is sure to go

But in my heart and mind
She will remain
And to all of us
Forever be the same

And even when she has gone
A part of her will always live on

Inside everyone that she knew
A special gift passed on by you

And a brighter world we will obtain
And to all of us youll
Forever be the same

Tears will fall
A life to regain
But I know we will meet again
And just as I remembered
Youíve forever been the same

I wont forget those times
Will always remain
And you my nan will
Forever be the same

Just a Moment

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

every second we are dying
theres a part that fades away
every second were dying
but please do not dismay

for every second we live
and with it brings a joy
the lives we touch the people trust
the smiles we give so coy

and we are only dying
if we dont embrace the moment
if we sit back and do not act
we should grasp it. feel it. own it.

for that makes life worth living
in all its idiosyncrasy's
just ignore wats not worth knowing
and just sit back and see

the good
the bad
the indiscrimitaly unsure

just dry your eyes
think all you want
and sleep
yet think no-more.

chaarly

True intentions

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

funny how things turn upon a knife
such a small thing can change a life
a word a phrase can cause such strife
funny how things turn upon a knife

you can share a part of you with someone new
and hope that they understand you too
a hidden agenda not always true
look out next time you meet someone new

be carful what you let out there
and what information that you share
some parts of you should not be bared
you wont be you, youll be compared

your this
your that
your whats in thier thoughts
to them it must seem like such a sport

you have your life
and they have thiers
so next time dont pretend to care
dont dress it up
to just save face

when actions overcome words
you'll know your place

Encapsulated

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

softly softly
we watch as it leaves our being
forever marked with headstone
and written with feeling

we scream cry laugh and be still
this patience belays
yet another cheap thrill

much harder now
things begin to be real
a moment
a feeling
left alone to unveil

yet it seems from above
when we look and observe

so much simpler to read
almost so narrated
this pill, her body, our love
are all
encapsulated

(miss malone)

Sociopath

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

i saw a man today
as he gazed at his reflection
in a narcissistic way

a thought occurred to me
if its not him but us that deny his craft
the misconceived and horrible notion
if you are a sociopath

shouldnít we ponder the notion
that a sociopath has hit upon a golden train
a guilt free way to be
is it us that are insane?

EyEs

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow


A LOOK
A GLIMPSE INTO THE SOUL
THE COULOR
THE WARMTH
WILL MAKE YOU FEEL WHOLE

I STARE
YOU STARE
TOGETHER WE SHARE A GAZE
LUST
LOVE
A SELF DESTRUCTIVE DISGRACE

IN A SINGLE MOMENT OUR LIVES UNFOLD
TO WHAT WE ASK AND SHALNT BE TOLD
FOR THE EYES SAY ALOT TO OUR SOULS ENGRAVED
A CHANCE
A WISH
A PATH THAT WONT BE PAVED

Clarity

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

that moment of clarity
you know the one
when its there
when it has to be

the STORM shows your mind inside
that things are different now
and they subside

its a moment of relief
when the air around you
finally ends
endless trails of grief

Like a bullet in my mind, it came
opening my bloodshot eyes
realizing he would never be the same

to make you see
it takes a friend
and something inside
and then your free

you've been on a ride and unable to see
well its time to get off
now that you have clarity

written together with miss benedicte bamvik (stanza 3+4)

Clarity

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

that moment of clarity
you know the one
when its there
when it has to be

the STORM shows your mind inside
that things are different now
and they subside

its a moment of relief
when the air around you
finally ends
endless trails of grief

Like a bullet in my mind, it came
opening my bloodshot eyes
realizing he would never be the same

to make you see
it takes a friend
and something inside
and then your free

you've been on a ride and unable to see
well its time to get off
now that you have clarity

written together with miss benedicte bamvik (stanza 3+4)

Im sorry

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow


im sorry for looking and liking what i saw
im sorry for looking at you and wanting more
im sorry that it has to be like this
for what i wanted and what i showed was confusing at the least

one made with hooks and backup plans
maybe ill never understand

from my perspective i did my best
id be with you id try and test

im sorry i never impressed you
im sorry im not what you need
but at least now you know yourself
and maybe youll be freed

if im a nothing
and im usless to you
then obviously you know what to do

i hope your happy i know i couldnt
you have a life with which i wouldnt

im nothing good within your mind
i play and hurt and leave behind

a world of hurt and games of sort
to be with me is that of nought

theres not much more thats to be said
and tho we neverlaid down in bed

i thought of it
and maybe you did too
and for that i am so sorry too

for i was wrong to go that far
i was relief and nothing more
i should have seen it but alas did not
but all the past will be forgot

im sorry that i put myself out there
for you to toss without a care
im sorry that i feel for you
but know i never hated you nor could i
would i
ever who

this is how i feel about you
and i have always been
and tryed be true

hannah

Chronicles of the little one

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

still alone little one
dont be dejected
or scared
ive lived some things
and they get better
im suprised you havent heard

i know little one
i know how it burns
how a lost love can leave
a whole that always yearns
for more......

wallow within your shitsatined point of veiw
untill hes sure that he still owns you

dear the little one
this is an interesting predicament
should i really be apart of it

i think of her as you think of him
that might
i think it is...
well isnt it?
fuck it and have another drink

little one
lets give and take some advice
we talk as we are the other
like we know oh well
oh so precise

take a walk
have a fucking run
punish yourself some more
for what the fuck he has begun

well dont
i wont
your better little one..?
DONE

Chronicles of the little one

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

still alone little one
dont be dejected
or scared
ive lived some things
and they get better
im suprised you havent heard

i know little one
i know how it burns
how a lost love can leave
a whole that always yearns
for more......

wallow within your shitsatined point of veiw
untill hes sure that he still owns you

dear the little one
this is an interesting predicament
should i really be apart of it

i think of her as you think of him
that might
i think it is...
well isnt it?
fuck it and have another drink

little one
lets give and take some advice
we talk as we are the other
like we know oh well
oh so precise

take a walk
have a fucking run
punish yourself some more
for what the fuck he has begun

well dont
i wont
your better little one..?
DONE

Friends

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

today i relearned.
not only what i was shown before, but also what i chose to ignore,
friends that show a little more than intended,
friends that show you what you want to see until they have to deal with reality,
friends long since seen as such,
friends that you will no longer miss so much,
friends with problems that project their life unto yours,
friends that are looking for nothing more than a mentor.

today opened my eyes more than that of a slap or a greeting of a past mishap,
for i learned the true beauty of age,
a lesson of which that cant be written upon any page.

Friends

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

today i relearned.
not only what i was shown before, but also what i chose to ignore,
friends that show a little more than intended,
friends that show you what you want to see until they have to deal with reality,
friends long since seen as such,
friends that you will no longer miss so much,
friends with problems that project their life unto yours,
friends that are looking for nothing more than a mentor.

today opened my eyes more than that of a slap or a greeting of a past mishap,
for i learned the true beauty of age,
a lesson of which that cant be written upon any page.

uncle fred

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

goodbye kind man
with the contagious smile,
youdve told me a story,
if i had have stayed for a while.

goodbye kind man,
who scaled the stairs of my home
to play with a child
with box and his bow
you were never the type of man to ever say no

goodbye kind man
your life was lived whole
return to your izzy now
your no longer alone.

goodbye kind man
acend to the heavens
and from time to time
give us a smile or even a scare
untill there comes a time when we meet you up there

let us not sad,
that he is now, dead.
lets remember him fondly
he was our,
uncle fred.

Dawn

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Bitter, solemn, and cold.
Flooding are my thoughts as i
Look upon the horizon, yet reminisce.

Waiting, awkwardly, for that beauty untold,
Inner warmth which fights thy cold, gasping to escape
this roaring silence.

Stop. Do not leave me.
I watch, anticipate.
Alas, gone. Until; next time.
My thoughts now hibernate.

A flicker, you raise from your slumber.
As inevitable as the noise of society,
Infectious, as it is, seemingly impervious however.

Young, beautifully
Innocent is the new day,
Only a memory now, will I forget.
Never?

In awe, stunned, speechless.
Not a word, not one to say.
None of the night and ensuing dawn
For as now, it was then,
And shall be,Today.

Dawn

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Bitter, solemn, and cold.
Flooding are my thoughts as i
Look upon the horizon, yet reminisce.

Waiting, awkwardly, for that beauty untold,
Inner warmth which fights thy cold, gasping to escape
this roaring silence.

Stop. Do not leave me.
I watch, anticipate.
Alas, gone. Until; next time.
My thoughts now hibernate.

A flicker, you raise from your slumber.
As inevitable as the noise of society,
Infectious, as it is, seemingly impervious however.

Young, beautifully
Innocent is the new day,
Only a memory now, will I forget.
Never?

In awe, stunned, speechless.
Not a word, not one to say.
None of the night and ensuing dawn
For as now, it was then,
And shall be,Today.


Daddy's day

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow


Where are you daddy,
Are you still out with your whore,
Whilst mum cry's with her back against the door.

Where are you daddy,
I only ask, for today's the day that I miss
I sit back alone, and I reminisce.

I still remember daddy,
How you were for us all,
How we looked up to you, standing so tall.

Where are you daddy,
Why you taking this and that,
Listen to us you selfish twat.

Donít do this daddy,
We can still be a family,
Please, please, I wonít ask for it three.

Where are you daddy,
I cant help but feel betrayed,
You understand why we could never have stayed.

If you could see me daddy,
I'm older now, wiser now and I have grown
I'm smarter now, independent, with child of my own.

I miss you daddy,
Do you miss me too and cry
or is it the same, your to busy.
And getting high.

well daddy I do that too.
and im sure its purely down to you.
im sad and alone and surrounded by fools.
but I have my girl who is innocent and true.
but oh yeah you had that too,
and now Kerry is just a shadow of who,

you used to be.
but I am not.
I am free.


Night out

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

So your head it is pounding
And your feet they are sore
As you spent most of the night dancing on the floor

Spinning are your surroundings
And arguments did ensue
Its 4 o clock in the morning so you know what to do

Kick your shoes off
Let them fall where they may
And collapse in your bed for the rest of the day

Drink some water
And make yourself some scoff
Behave in a way that is that of a sloth

Close your pretty eyes
That you spent way too much for
Close your pretty eyes and youíll begin to snore

now you are asleep
and your night was a sin
but it doesnít matter

you always win

Chaos Theory

by

Thomas Leatherbarrow

Moods are such a strange disposition,
So vivid yet so inconsistent,
As you age you grow resistant
to the monotonyís of life.

As a child everything is enhanced,
Stare at someone and become entranced,
If they look at you avert your glance
for fear of being exposed.

18 years, you are knowledgeís fountain,
Youíve seen it all conquered every mountain,
Looked death in the eye and are no longer frightened
Of troubles life can bring.

30 now, and youíre a parent,
Think of all the times you were someoneís servantm
Its hard to feel when no-oneís deserving
Of the love that you can bring.

50 how, and your despondent
Look back at things, you shouldíve responded
But now its just thoughts that you should have pondered.
when it could Ďve made a difference.

65 is here, you watch your miniature,
The child that is your replica,
And all the things you said to her
Came true, she didnít listen.

Moods grow old weíre desensitised,
We stop caring about the truth and lies,
We gain appreciation of the butterflies
that will one day drive the storm.