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Dr Nicky Kimber-Rogal

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London, England, UK

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I love You

by

Dr Nicky Kimber-Rogal

I Love You

When I hear your voice, nothing else will do
Nothing else will satisfy
I donít need you emotionally
Nor in any other way.
But for physical satisfaction and completion,
No other man would do.

I crave to show you with my body
How much I love you and
To have you complete me:
To become one flesh with you, to be consumed
Utterly by you,

As if I were made by or come from you -
Adamís rib -
And to You I am returning:

A full sense of being,
Being-in-Love,
And being full with you.

I love you.


SHAMELESS

by

Dr Nicky Kimber-Rogal

`You shameless hussyí, he said.
`Humble yourself, quickí.

`That I am,í I said. `Humble and soft
As the freshest hummus,
The ground itself,
Grounded and so happy
In Me.

Shameless enough to be,
To give freely
To love freely
To suffer freely.

To shamelessly express
My plethora of human emotion.
I am the answer
The Truth is in me and
All Around me.
There are no secrets.

`You are the Truth, too,í I said.
Humble yourself and be free.í

Shameless

by

Dr Nicky Kimber-Rogal

`You shameless hussyí, he said.
`Humble yourself, quickí.

`That I am,í I said. `Humble and soft
As the freshest hummus,
The ground itself,
Grounded and so happy
In Me.

Shameless enough to be,
To give freely
To love freely
To suffer freely.

To shamelessly express
My plethora of human emotion.
I am the answer
The Truth is in me and
All Around me.
There are no secrets.

`You are the Truth, too,í I said.
Humble yourself and be free.í

The Race

by

Dr Nicky Kimber-Rogal

I was born for the Race and I shall run it.
I have a name and number. I am entered:
An imperative.

I see the Tape in the distance and the white,
Straight lines of the lanes.
I have my path.

The Starter has fired the pistol and we are off.
I will run the race until I finish -
Until I am finished - and I cross the line.
The race is not over till I reach the line.

Others may win the race
But I will complete it -
In my own time -
And no-one will stop me.

There is no stopwatch and no-one is counting.
Whether I stumble, walk, lose or win
I shall finish the race because I am a runner.

Whatever the weather and whatever the terrain,
I will run the race.
My will is in every step and my eyes are on the Mark.
Whatever the cost to my body
I will feel each step of the way.
Sometimes weeping, sometimes joyful;
I weep in the Race, I am Joy in the Race,
Exhilarated by the wind.
My salty eyes stung with tears
But I am glad - ecstatic.

I love the Race.

I will forget my body and save my soul.
Every hurt will make me strong
Every fall humble me
Every stumble steady me.
Every jolt suprise me.

I love the Race.

I walk, I stumble, I fall, I run;
Sometimes standing still and feeling:
Tolerating.
Sometimes exhausted.

But I am confident: I am a racer
I can race to the Tape
I can run.

I feel my strength, my legs,
I feel my weakness, my feelings.
I love my feelings, in fear and happiness;
They make me strong.
I donít push them away; I donít sideline them:
I feel my feelings.
I donít run.

I donít care if I win.
The fans may cheer or the crowd jeer
But my eyes are fixed on the Tape.
My pace is my own and my strength
Unknown.

CALL ME

by

Dr Nicky Kimber-Rogal

You breathe the breath of Life into me so I can breathe too.
You are a breeze which opens my world and makes it light.
You colour me and everything I see.
You are a torch inside me:
The world was dark - static
But now it is light and alive.

You open my eyes and make the world joy;
I enjoy the world.
I didnít have to try - no anxious striving;
You made me - I didnít make you (love me)
You just made it so.

Joy with and through you
Shining the world, shining on it
Through you-with-me eyes.

The place is the same
But without you is dead;
Uncoloured. Just is;
Not alive, not joy-full.

You colour my world, and me.
I am alive with you in the place-that-can-be-nothing.
I am energy, with you.
With you, anywhere is somewhere - something.
Special.

Full of happiness in the same place.
The place that is nowhere is somewhere:
Alive with you-and-me-ness.

Call me and light up my life
So I can think of you without pain.

CALL ME

by

Dr Nicky Kimber-Rogal

You breathe the breath of Life into me so I can breathe too.
You are a breeze which opens my world and makes it light.
You colour me and everything I see.
You are a torch inside me:
The world was dark - static
But now it is light and alive.

You open my eyes and make the world joy;
I enjoy the world.
I didnít have to try - no anxious striving;
You made me - I didnít make you (love me)
You just made it so.

Joy with and through you
Shining the world, shining on it
Through you-with-me eyes.

The place is the same
But without you is dead;
Uncoloured. Just is;
Not alive, not joy-full.

You colour my world, and me.
I am alive with you in the place-that-can-be-nothing.
I am energy, with you.
With you, anywhere is somewhere - something.
Special.

Full of happiness in the same place.
The place that is nowhere is somewhere:
Alive with you-and-me-ness.

Call me and light up my life
So I can think of you without pain.

CLOSED DOORS

by

Dr Nicky Kimber-Rogal

Close the door and make me safe
Close the door and leave me scared.

Thinking, thinking,
Thinking about thinking.
If only I could stop thinking, Iíd know what to do.
Close the door on thinking
And open the door on Life.

What are these words I think?
What are these pictures called thoughts?
Whose are they,
And where do they come from;
Are they really mine?
Close the door on pictures
And open my life to You.

No more pathetic, pleasing praying:
Pleading.
Give me all of you, God - I command it;
And give it to me now.

The joy of Now is out there
And in here - in me;
Not half in, half out:
Not the misery of half-closed doors:
Adrift, burdened with the past.
Burdened with other peopleís past
A grey, whispy of cloud across my glasses;
Never alone and happy to be me.

Now I am alone; never lonely
Giving my all with desire
Receiving Your All with desire:
Greedy. Longing and longed-for:
Bliss. Ecstacy.

Let me be alone. Close my door -
I can close it too -
And leave me in peace.
I can do it too:
Closed minds; end-ofís;
Done and dusted,
Cupboards closed; kitchen cleaned
Free to live.

You have no more leverage over me:
No more power.
A solution has occurred:
I love my aloneness.

Close the door and make me safe
Close the door and leave me scared.
I know both ways now
I know how to forget.

Close the door of thinking
And I am free.
Only doors that are open can be closed.

You're a Dream

by

Dr Nicky Kimber-Rogal

Youíre a dream
Written by the Hand of God.

I love you so much
I canít see you.
I love you so much
You make me cry.

Why canít I see you
When I look at you?

Like looking at myself:
I canít see me; I canít see you.
To my eyes, you are me.

Youíre a wisp: ephemeral, timeless, amorphous.
You hardly exist when I hold you so tight,
But I canít get hold of you.

I canít remember being with you
But I know Iíve been there.
Youíre always with me:
Loveís conduit.

But who are You?

Cold People in Cold Houses

by

Dr Nicky Kimber-Rogal

Hard. Stark.
Empty. Clean.

Wide brown hallway.
White walls.
Open plan.
Grand piano - black; never played.
Too white keys,
Too-white teeth;
Donít like her face.

Dim, Godless, soulless: an "atheist`.
Hah!
Do-nothing-done-nothing.

Donít like her face:
Hard, stark,
Empty. Not clean:
Full slap on,
Always. Permanent hair:
Coloured, styled. Blow-dryed.
Air-brushed head.

Clippy-cloppy heels on stunted legs.
Stunted marriage; his hard cold eyes:
He doesnít care.
Her frenzied look - the likelihood of rejection -
Frenzied, agitated.
Frantic looking for love.
A startled frightened rat.
Ratty cold face.
Stealy eyes.

Cannot conceive of `sheí: inhuman only
(Maybe when she gets a psyche - who knows?)
At present `sheí is an object:
Epitomy of everything I detest.
Cold, person in cold house.

Open plans:

Amoral.

Scared as a rat in a trap.

MY BEST NUMBER ONE

by

Dr Nicky Kimber-Rogal

If anyone should ever care to ask me
Where you stood in my life
Let me be so proud to tell them
That you were my best number one.

Let it be known
Iíve never felt anything like I have
For you.
You were a dream that wouldnít come true.

I wasnít looking, but you came
In between the loneliness and Life:
A so-special, for ever number one.

After all my loves,
You were my first Love
And whatever the future holds
Youíll always be.

If I never see you again
I will always love you without pain.
I am you.