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Leah Joyce

of

Half Moon Bay, CA, US

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dying inside

by

Leah Joyce

I lay crying
I know i must go
But you Must love me
you *must*
or else
we wouldn't've done what we did
Then again,
Maybe you never did
She says you're no good
for me
I contradict her
Saying you are
Underneath it all
An equisite girl
You need my strength and support
but
On love
you cant :(
She nods
As the tears roll down
like thunder
on my rosy cheek
like days and days of rain
it rains here
everyday
in this little corner of nowhere
i cry
i pray
i bang on the walls of my
prison futilely
trying to get your attention
not trying to be clingy,
cuz i promised not to be
but i cant help it.
I love ya and thats all
there is to it
so i must detach
be the friend you need right now
and try to conceal the love i hold so dear
for you
and i'll hide it
and act aloof
so that what you do normally
wont seem to hurt me
i will always hurt for you
hunger for you
i feel my cold chest
i feel the warm love inside for you
but i hold it
DEEP DEEP inside
of this empty chasm
inside my soul
i will survive
but dont tease me
don't flaunt that shit
infront of me
if you can help it
because every time you do
it huts me
reminds me of dreams that
may never ever come true
looming in front of me
as a black, endless void
known as the future
i see a speck of light
in the black beyond
its you sammi
burning brightly
but its alone
isolated
to get to it
i haveta go thru the dark
well guess what
im THERE in the dark times now
the apocalypse is upon you
but you dont see it
its bearing down on you
setting your sights to knock you over from the back
when you least expect it
then you will see
what you miss
everyday
you're not with me
I feel the emptyness
where my heart used to be
in my chest
i feel the space
where it used to beat so solidly
i see where it is now
its in you
trying to keep you from leaving
trying to keep you stable
but i feel thats not what you
want
but its what you NEED
i need you
and this poem
isnt meant to be a sappy guilt trip
or a far off cry
for you to return to me
I love YOU
thats obvious (to me, at least)
but i cant seem to get you to realize that
Do you want me to leave?
do you want me to stop loving you?
all i see
day in
and day out
is you
telling me in little ways
subtle hints
that you would rather
talk to matt
then to me
go out and see roland
then to spend time with me,
I try to be cool
but every1 likes you
i try to stay calm
but im afraid im not
i think it might be me
Stupid LEAH
jumping to conclusions
but its starting to become a startling trend
if you want to stop talking to me
FINE
tell me so!!
straight out
no lies
no games
no tricks
i want to know
so i wont raise my hopes
and get them dashed
yet again
so before you blow me off
or ignore me
for the umpteenth time
tell me
please
I love you dearly
but i am afraid
the way that this relationship is heading
that IF and WHEN you change
and come to me
there wont be much left
i am a loving good person
and i LOVE you
but there is a limit
to my niceness
theres a limit to my tolerance
and baby,
im getting there
im detaching
from you
becoming less clingy
like you said to
giving (trying to)
you the space you need
to heal
i guess.
Just let me know
please Sammi
I LOVE YOU
do you see that?
do you see the *PAIN* in my eyes?
no, no you dont
cuz you dont look
but its not your problem right?
well, it is
tell me what you want from me
i will try my hardest
to do what you say
because i love you