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This morning I awoke with the previous nightís dream playing in my head.
In this dream I find myself enslaved, enraged, praying to be saved.
Ironically, there are no walls, no gates no chains, only an undying pain.
I have yet to see my warden, so that I might ask how I was lured in.
In attempts to find freedom, I find the walls, the gates, the chains, the warden never needed them.
I run and I run, my feet move at such a speed that they bleed.
The scenery never changes, regardless of how fast I run; Progress, Iíve made none. Within my dream I dream that I have made my escape, but to no avail; Iím still in my own private hell.
My pursuer is relentless like my shadow there it lies.
My heart cries because I realize that long ago I could have called a truce and loosened the noose on my own design.
Iíve built my own walls, tightened my own chains, designed a gate with such perfection that I cannot escape.
A slave to my own selfish desires, Iíve become the queen of liars.
Because I have done the unthinkable and lied to myself and put the truth on a shelf.

Death Of The Soul



Words of condemnation
trapped in my mind
holds me captive
thru the passing of time

Images of loathing
Pain so real
Like sores in my heart
Unable to heal

Convict the self
Abandon resistance
Battle lost
Surrendered existence

Desperate thoughts
Suicidal schemes
Forgotten plans
And stolen dreams

False emotions
Identity lost
Forced smiles
Escape the cost

Questioned worth
Reflections cry
Damaged the spirit
The soul does die.

Only the Night



At night I sit in this room
A single life destined for doom
No words or thoughts for me to share,
No need nor want for a soul to care
Found for me this distant place
Gone from me is hopes last trace
In solitude there is no pride,
No need for loved ones by your side,
Words that fall upon deaf ears
Are heard only by the falling tears
Daylight comes, a new hope is born
For those of us who's lives are torn
Fools of the morning now awake
Love and happiness is ours to take
We live our lives in the brightness of day
With blinded eyes, We can find our way
For all the friends and passersby
Whe're wearing proudly our disguise
We are so clever, I do declare
To walk with heads high in the air
We hide in the light for the world to see
Challenging ...come look at me
For only thet darkness of the sky
knows of the walking souls..that died
Fo only the night, dares to go
Where tears dont dry and love dont grow




God when are you coming
Ive been waiting for so long
God are you listening, or did I do something wrong
God why do you hate me, because of bad things that I have done
I know there are lots of children and that I am only one.
But if you come and take me, anything I will do
If only you will, make this one wish for me come true.

I want to stay with you in heaven
Be an angel in your sky
I want feathers or some wings
And I promise not to ever cry

I will make you very proud
The best angel I will be
I will be good and not cause no trouble
If you will just come for me.

Im sorry that I want to go
But I know that you are love
My brother says where you live, is beautiful,
Not in the clouds but high above

God I hope you like my poem
And that from there, that you can read
I'll follow you most anywhere
In you I do believe

So god when are you coming
What do I have to do?
I don't know how to do it
So I sit and wait for you.

I thought that I would
Jump out
Just like a bird that can fly
But I just cant seem to do it
Cause that would hurt ,
And what if I don't die?

I think I will wait for you at least another day
And hope its my turn soon
To come and take me away.

Im Still Here



I'm still here.
When you go to bed at night,
When you peer into the morning mirror,
My face will be there in your sleepy eyes.

I'm still yours.
Not the perfect woman.
No patience for make up dolls and lets pretend.
I'm a player of words, I spin poetry yarns.

Iím still there.
Making your Saturday morning coffee,
Bringing in the morning paper,
Listening as you speak of your days plan.

I'm still there, yet I've been gone for so long.
A creator of dreams,
experiencing things, you would never understand
yet freedom, only lives in my mind.

I'm still there brushing our daughters hair
Working on homework,
Making our evening meal
Anticipating your needs.

I'm still yours
Yet I belong to no one
Striving for perfection, so out of reach
My spirit dances to music, that only I can hear.

I'm still here, Yet I've been gone for so long
Searching for magical places, that only I can feel
Wondering if you know that I've gone.