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James Hutchings

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Rosamond, CA, US

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Finding Bliss(Ignorance is)

by

James Hutchings

Who am I, what am I, where am I, this is what I think,
As everything around me moves lazily along, as I,
Move at breakneck speed towards finality, and,
Question my motives, and motivation, and conclude,
There are few things I care about, love, honor,
Friends and family, puny up against what is real,
There is hunger and pain, and I cant change it,
There is greed and jealousy, and I have to live with it,
Time is my enemy, it is the one thing I cannot control, and,
It runs rampant through my heart, my life in shambles, and,
Time is my companion, the only constant in pandemonium, thereby,
The only real thing that I know will be there,
I give my soul freely, to those around me, and hope that they appreciate it, and I,
Give my love to those who care, and hope that they return it, and I,
Find that I can forget about time, if I can have someone to share it with, and I,
Spend my time searching for that person, and when I find her, I,
Lose myself in her eyes, and throw caution to the wind,
I prefer to be lost and unaware............


A Passion For it

by

James Hutchings

There's too much music in my mind,
too much song in my soul,
too much hope in my dreams,
too much written on the scroll,
too much passion in my love,
too much want in my need,
too much questioned in my trials,
too much purpose in my deed,

There's too much sin in my lust,
too much ache in my yearning,
too much power in my feelings,
too much knowledge in my learning,
too much sadness in my tears,
too much wrong in my sight,
too much focus in my resolve,
too much wing in my flight,

There's too much truth in my fears,
too much regret in my voice,
too much pain in my temper,
too much held back by choice,
too much pride in my chest,
too much desire to be free,
too much pent up inside,
there's too much passion in me........


A Poets Lament

by

James Hutchings

Dancing in the breeze;
Flight without wings;
I see you, but,
cannot touch you,

Helpless;
Suspended, floating;
I want you, but,
can only want,

Dreams, well worn;
Visions in desperateness;
I call your name, but,
you do not hear,

In a prison;
My own creation;
I want to escape, but,
have no route,

In your eyes;
Indifference;
I look for warmth, but,
find only chill,

Crying now;
Hating myself;
I want to run, but,
cannot forget,

Tears create prisms;
I see you in colors;
I ache for you, but,
you do not feel,

Caught in the light;
A fool exposed;
I should save myself, but,
cannot move,

Pale heart;
Dark soul;
I would get away, but,
the fire is hot.....

Like a moth attracted to candle flame,
I cannot resist, for I am weak..........


As Morning Comes

by

James Hutchings

I prefer the silence;
The light fills the room,
As the sun shows itself from behind distant hills,
Little creatures dance in the trees;
The branches sway in soft breeze,
Quietly behind the window,
Leaves flutter, shaking off the night chill;
*As the dew clings to velvet green grass,
Reflecting the new light,
Shone like diamonds spread before me;
Clouds race smoothly towards somewhere,
To, perhaps the hills the sun has just escaped,
Touching them in persuit of gentle warmth;
A red glow spreads from those hills,
Attaching itself, for a moment,
To the fresh, opaque blue of the morning sky;
I stand in my meager domain,
And, breathe this portrait into my soul,
Letting it take me over;
To focus me on my journey,
To guide my passions,
To become my purpose;
I prefer the silence.


A Minor Meandering

by

James Hutchings

I dreamt I was a small child,
Nestled against my mothers breast,
Warm, and, safe,

Protected from all that be,
Unharmed, and, healthful,
To falter not as a waif,

This was the best of worlds,
My mothers world,
The only right world,

That is what I most crave,
Away from the malevolence,
Against which, I have been hurled,

I walk these roads of purgatory,
Past the dusty tracks,
Separate, but, not equal,

The blood that flows within,
The same red that has spilled,
From those that fall,

I take the air from the sky,
The food from the land,
Moisten my lips from the wet earth,

I walk upon this same place,
I speak as those I meet,
But, do not know my worth,

I grow weary of the possibilities,
Though no answers appear,
And, claim no insight or fame,

I wish to remain anonymous,
But, at times I must reckon,
And, at times take the blame,

I accept these terms,
Not chosen, but, received,
And, care not what fate remains,

Tommorrow comes,
As does the night,
Time has all the gains,

Mother, sweet mother,
My heart to you belongs,
Chaste memory I have saved,

I will go the path,
Until we have met again,
Once this life has been waived.......


Little Brother

by

James Hutchings

I don't remember your smile,
Maybe I just forgot,
Maybe those last years, you never,

I remember you cried,
It breaks my heart,
So sad in retrospect,

I remember your voice,
It was like mine,
Only you were younger,

I remember the last time,
I saw you, drunk,
You were sad, so sad,

I do remember your little dance,
You made me laugh,
But, now, I just cry,

I remember three little boys,
Always together,
Always laughing,

I remember constant mischief,
And, dirty faces,
And skinned knees,

I remember the things we tried,
Unafraid,
Full of life,

I taught you to play guitar,
I still have the picture,
You as you were,

You tried to tag along,
But, went your own way,
I left you behind,

We were so close,
And, then so apart,
And, then you left,

I cry out in the night,
I beg for just a minute,
Just one more time,

It's been twenty-five years,
And, I still wipe the tears,
And, try to forget,

If I see you again,
After the end of me,
I will say I am sorry,

For letting you go,
For not holding you,
For not saying I love you............


Enemy In The Wire

by

James Hutchings

Sweet innocence, fresh face with eyes so clear,
Chaste soul, unburdened by the taste of fear,
Skin soft, unscathed by times withering ways,
Thoughts uninterrupted by the way life plays......

Each day blends into the next, night and day become one,
Slow and plodding, waiting until the moment is done,
Always awake, but drawn, too tired for sleep or rest,
Not understanding the credence of the heart within my chest,
Staring past the indifferences laid at my feet,
Not looking into the soul of those my eyes will meet,
Body worn like a blunt edge, but adequately strong,
To handle that which is short, and that which takes so long,
On ever vigilant watch, patiently surveying the horizon,
Knowing that I can return, only if the battle is won,
I lie close to the earth, and hide from the unseen eyes,
I crawl from place to place, anticipating complete surprise,
The long night succeeds, leaving me segregated and alone,
Camouflaged against an enemy whose intentions are unknown,
Forever on guard, but carrying the secret of complacence,
Lying in wait for relief, in a world that makes no sense,
Damn the innocent, damn those who do not know,
The ways of the world, that respite comes so slow,
Tommorrow has no revelation, tommorrow has no retreat,
Today is just today, yesterday is what was sweet..........


The Path to war(The Sad Song)

by

James Hutchings

I awoke this morning to find blood on my doorstep,
I turned on the television to see those faces who wept,
My eyes became glued to the screen, adjusting to the morbid,
A view of darkness of which I will never be rid,
The sun shines pale and leaves me feeling confused,
The light cannot find the evil that has been loosed,
How can any heart lash out with such unspeakable pain ,
How did we ever let this kind of terror gain,
They dance in the streets as we become the sacrificial goat,
I feel this terrible anger rising up in my throat,
Smoke and fire, people and rubble, strewn about,
Leaving us all feeling alone and full of doubt,
Some say the measure for revenge is an eye for an eye,
But, how exact is the gauge we use when so many die,
If we roll over the land until it all is erased,
Do we keep up the carnege until all demons are chased,
Something inside of us died, it no longer exists,
We can find no tenderness in the ball of a fist,
Our hearts fill with scenes of sadness and pain,
Unbearable truths and anguish will always remain,
Virgin innocence blinded, untouched by cruel intentions,
Reality brings her sharp teeth to bear, as Satan grins,
The fires of hell explode upon us, wicked ways have come,
What was shattered lies in pieces, forever for some,
We did not expect this rape of our soul,
We did not ask for the drums to roll,
We do not ask for permission to bleed,
We just want payment for this dreadful deed,
As the sad song plays we realize what has died,
Compassion is gone now, leaving no place to hide,
We awaken from complacency induced sleep, and we crawl,
Back to a life never normal, and God help us all......


Night Terror

by

James Hutchings

Sometimes, as I lie awake,
in that half-dream state,
the limbo between sleep,
and, not asleep,
I feel this undeniable fear,
creeping into my throat,
a crushing weight,
pressing down on me,
holding me, motionless,
breathless, perfectly still,
paralized, unable to move,
not even my eyes,
afraid I might glimpse,
something I don't want to see,
meeting terror intimately,
the darkness keeping secret,
that which I must know,
moments assuming the face,
of impassable time,
realizing the full impact,
of being alone,
to meet the incubus,
and, not be able to run,
then to awake at last,
and, remember that,
this dream came before,
and, laugh, not too loudly,
for fear that this feeling,
might occur again,
hoping that sleep can be found,
to end this night,
and, awaken in fresh morning bliss.......


In Visions

by

James Hutchings

The land is dark, as night quietly moves towards end,
The trees, though unseen, sway in the gentle wind,
Campfires glow behind the darkness, voices ring in crisp airing,
Unguarded moments of truth hidden within stories of daring;

The scarring of battle reflects in fires shining,
The lines of age and wisdom telling the true heroes pining,
Bravado echoes the gathering, bravery not lacking this night,
The uneasy feeling of fear must not be allowed to take flight;

Each trying to outdo the other, the talk getting more brave,
The blood spilled redder, each man cheating the grave,
Each battle more fierce than any battle fought,
Each tale more exaggerated, each lie more wrought;

The young listen to the old enraptured by brave deeds,
Trying to push away fear, in hope that sleep succeeds,
In sleep to find solace away from the brutality,
And, then to find courage, perhaps even immortality;

A wish to die in dignity, dreaming of years to come,
An unending quest for glory, too many victories for some,
In dreams battles are fought, to leave the battlefield untorn,
A life fulfilled in visions, a heroes dream well-worn;

As dawn creeps from the hills, the men are shadowed by dust,
Weapons, well polished are sheathed, columns formed in trust,
The leaders voices shouting, their orders go unquestioned,
Moving these lines forward, towards a fate unmentioned;

These soldiers introduce their souls to what future remains,
The slash of blade, the glint of steel, the rattle of chains,
The taste of blood prevails, a hardened metamorphosis begins,
Innocence is lost, and will never return to gentle origins;

The unsure fledglings change, young men become as the old,
Tried in battle, trued in flame, warriors souls are sold,
The truth hangs in their stare, the nothingness they perceive,
Those faces once unscarred, now bear the brand they recieve;

To walk away untouched, to return to bragging rights,
To cheat death and the burial crew, giving brief respites,
To build a new camp, a fire to warm, is all a soldier needs,
The march to glory takes a toll, a warriors life proceeds......


Title Unknown(Or Who Knows?)

by

James Hutchings

Just when we think we are getting the hang,
Of this thing called life,
We are handed a different set of rules,
And, have to find a way,
To circumnavigate existence, and,
Contemplate our place in time,
And, show just cause for everything we do,
To anyone who will listen,
And, beg forgivness for things,
That we never meant, but, did anyway,
And, justify to ourselves,
This meager perch we have in reality,
Knowing all along that this will,
Eventually change, in some small way,
To something we have never known,
And, probably should ignore,
But, being the curious beasts that we are,
We will smell the scent,
And, once again be off on the chase,
To who knows what of where,
Losing the hold we have on this known reality,
To gradually gain,
A new meaning to life,
And, open up a path to somewhere unknown,
And, ask questions about why, and what,
But, we never quite know,
The real reasons for why we are here,
Do you know?.........


The Dance

by

James Hutchings

I used to be so shy:
You couldn't get me to look at a girl,
You couldn't get me to talk to a girl;
I used to be so naive:
You couldn't teach me the truth,
You couldn't show me the truth;
I used to be so unconcerned:
You couldn't worry me at all,
You couldn't hurry me at all;
I used to be so happy,
You couldn't find me sad,
You couldn't find me mad;
.......The days of innocent, wide eyed expectation,
Those days of perfection,
Those days of sweet bliss,
Those days are gone;
I still find some things incredible:
Like a sunset, with the sky still blue,
The orange, and magenta clouds,
Hiding the sun, behind,
Dark mountain shapes;
Or:
The fresh smile of a beautiful woman,
The laughter of a child,
A hillside covered in wildflowers,
The wisdom of the elderly;
These things make me think that,
Life is not as hard as I,
Sometimes tend to believe,
They turn my eyes back,
To what is worth my time;
These things make me see;
That life is too short,
There are good things,
There are soft things,
There is beauty;
I used to be so shy:
I would stand against the wall,
At the school dance,
Hoping someone would ask me to dance;
Just as well, I never could dance.......


Angel Sleeping

by

James Hutchings

Angel sleeping
I saw you
in the morning sun

Softness preceding
visions in splendor
accompanied desire

Golden hair laid
across pillow fluff
halo reminiscence

Serene and graceful
beauty evinced
breathtaking

Exquisite aspect
enough to sate
salacious yearning;

As aparitions go
when haze lifts
you are gone

Dream completion
warm realization
remembrance kept.........


Rainbow

by

James Hutchings

Rainbow between the clouds
guiding my eye
towards the infinite
consoling, counciling
colors flowing
life affecting
creating me
forming me
lessons in consequence
I bow to it
I give myself
to that single innocence
a moment in time......


Dream Within A Dream

by

James Hutchings

She looks at me with expectations,
I look at her with desire,
She wants to touch my soul,
I just want to touch her,
She speaks to me of forever,
I talk to her in vague terms,
She wants to take long walks,
I just want get to the end....

I cover my eyes and look again
to prove she is not a dream,
Still she stands before me
moon shining in her hair,
Seductively, her eyes beckoning
her arms waiting to entwine,
As I am drawn to her
she awaits me in false desire,
Her only aim is deception
the game begins....