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• Change of Heart
• Tom
• Just Once
• Nick
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• Why?
• Why

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I blanket my eyes,

blinding myself to what I think I see,

what I think I hear,

how I wish you'd feel.

But I see your smile, soft, gazing on her...

So I will turn cold.

A freeze will at once still my blood

that once ran warm . . .

warm at the very thought of you.

I cannot think of you ~ that way,

and then turn to see you with - her.

My heart would break.

Therefore, for now, I will bury it: safe.

So when my actions change;

when I no longer catch your glance,

hold your eye,

know that it is for my good.

Our good -

that when you do look soft on me,

if you ever turn to me . . .

it will be because you want to.

And then, only then, will I retrieve my heart,

. . . and the blanket will fall.

-- please make it fall.

I'm waiting to hear from you.

I expect a visit.

Maybe just a call . . .

~ or a letter?

If it isn't too much trouble - well -

Would it bother you to give me simply -

a thought?

good or bad - no, good.

Just think one good thought of me;

only for a second.

one small second.

Thinking of you;

I am.

I do...

a lot.

Because I love you.

Will you think of me?

... just once, softly.

please

My heart won't say yes.

I do love you, like my mind tells me to.

What should keep me from it?

Your smile always brings out mine,

and your laugh, oh! and your jokes!

Your gentle yet strong arms; comforting,

loving - so ready to love me back...

Your devotion, frienship - persistance -

Without it we wouldn't be friends.

Your openess; you just open your heart to the world,

leaving it vulnerable to love...

and pain-

And your eyes - so deep. Of course, you know,

but they mean more - they show you.

They're as open, as deep, as gentle, as warm,

as you.

Your faith, kindness, patience...

What else am I looking for?

My mind knows this,

but still, my heart won't say yes.

But if it would speak,

the first thing it would say to you is,

"I'm sorry."

So be offended not if my attention seems diminished.
I'll be alert as ever once this needed nap is finished.
And maybe come tomorrow once I've had a night of sleep,
I'll listen more attentively, instead of counting sheep.