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Becky Hogan

of

Carmel, IN, US

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Change of Heart

by

Becky Hogan

I blanket my eyes,
blinding myself to what I think I see,
what I think I hear,
how I wish you'd feel.
But I see your smile, soft, gazing on her...

So I will turn cold.

A freeze will at once still my blood
that once ran warm . . .
warm at the very thought of you.

I cannot think of you ~ that way,
and then turn to see you with - her.
My heart would break.
Therefore, for now, I will bury it: safe.

So when my actions change;
when I no longer catch your glance,
hold your eye,
know that it is for my good.

Our good -
that when you do look soft on me,
if you ever turn to me . . .
it will be because you want to.
And then, only then, will I retrieve my heart,
. . . and the blanket will fall.

-- please make it fall.

Tom

by

Becky Hogan

I'm waiting to hear from you.
I expect a visit.
Maybe just a call . . .
~ or a letter?
If it isn't too much trouble - well -
Would it bother you to give me simply -
a thought?
good or bad - no, good.
Just think one good thought of me;
only for a second.
one small second.


Just Once

by

Becky Hogan

Thinking of you;
I am.
I do...
a lot.
Because I love you.
Will you think of me?
... just once, softly.
please


Nick

by

Becky Hogan

My heart won't say yes.
I do love you, like my mind tells me to.
What should keep me from it?
Your smile always brings out mine,
and your laugh, oh! and your jokes!
Your gentle yet strong arms; comforting,
loving - so ready to love me back...
Your devotion, frienship - persistance -
Without it we wouldn't be friends.
Your openess; you just open your heart to the world,
leaving it vulnerable to love...
and pain-
And your eyes - so deep. Of course, you know,
but they mean more - they show you.
They're as open, as deep, as gentle, as warm,
as you.
Your faith, kindness, patience...
What else am I looking for?
My mind knows this,
but still, my heart won't say yes.
But if it would speak,
the first thing it would say to you is,
"I'm sorry."


The Classroom

by

Becky Hogan

So heavy are the lids that went to bed too late last night.
I try to keep them open but they seem to want to fight.
It isn't that I'm bored or could care less of what you said,
I simply can't resist the urge to find the nearest bed.

So be offended not if my attention seems diminished.
I'll be alert as ever once this needed nap is finished.
And maybe come tomorrow once I've had a night of sleep,
I'll listen more attentively, instead of counting sheep.


Why?

by

Becky Hogan

A ball of knots.
I'm not sure why-
Life wound itself up,
and nothing is clear;
nothing is in focus.
I only feel the knots (twisted)
Please unravel.
I try, but I can't see the end
of the string.
I can't see anything.
I don't understand.
Such confusion-
Chaotic mess.


Why

by

Becky Hogan

Why do people say
the things they do
is it to make us feel bad,
or wonder about the things we do,
decisions are hard enough
let alone to have to
wonder if we've made
another mistake
why is what we
ask ourselves
why do we always seem to make
mistakes