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Grumpycrafter2

of

Clune, PA, US

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Surrounding Mists

by

Grumpycrafter2

A fog surrounds me as I walk,
It moves with each step I take.
The present clear, the future dim,
The past shrouded by its mists.

When crisis ends the path I walk,
The shroud lifts for a moment.
I turn around, the past is clear,
And I see what the mists have hidden.

Misdeeds compel the path I walk,
Each step, a day Iíve lived.
I smile or cringe at each step taken,
And the mists descend again.

Again, the fog surrounds me as I walk,
Accompanying my journey through life.
Concealing steps already taken,
Mists shrouding the path ahead.


Where Were You When I Needed You? (2nd Revision)

by

Grumpycrafter2

Did you hold me close
when the dam held tight?
When my emotions broke
like water against its walls.

Did you reassure me
when I trusted no one?
Your words didnít expand
my constricted world.

Did you look for me
when I cringed in the crowds?
When glances from strangers
made me hide from view.

Did you hold my hand
when I needed your support?
Your presence didnít calm
my overwhelming terror.

Did you listen to the voices
I heard in my mind?
When they spoke of abuse
I had imposed.

Did you hear of the hate
that I turned on myself?
Your hands didnít stop
the razorís edge.

Did you help me when I searched
for my former self?
When madness replaced
the person I had been.

Did you encourage
my first efforts back into life?
Your hands didnít buttress
each tentative step.

Did you walk with me
as I journeyed from madness?
When the voices, anger, and terror
commanded each step I took.

Did you bring your love and
support through those years?
You werenít there
when I needed you.

Shining Light

by

Grumpycrafter2

Looking up through the darkness,
the sun shines in clear skies.
Reaching for its healing light,
I slide back to the bottom.

Sitting here in the darkness,
tears and sadness prevail.
Crying here at the bottom,
its echoes go unheeded.

Living in the darkness,
the light beckons me.
Climbing rung after rung,
reaching out for help.

Cries in the darkness heeded,
they waited for understanding.
To make my way out of darkness,
I had to climb out myself.

Betrayed Trust

by

Grumpycrafter2

No motherís love searched for then,
Released emotions held deep inside.
Tears unshed remained within,
With barriers erected to block the pain.

No loving words stilled the cruel voices,
Muting the messages they brought,
Or stilled the thoughts that raced chaotic,
Past indiscretions and abuse remembered.

Your loving hands stayed at your sides,
Even as the razorís edge sank into the skin.
No reassurance could quiet the hate,
Felt from the thoughts of a disturbed mind.

Sistersí words, heard now, not then,
Offer advice, too little, too late.
Your strength wasnít there for tentative steps,
Your feet didnít follow the path to sanity.

The search for an identity was mine alone,
The person I had been was gone.
The family who now think they know my lows,
Know nothing of the depths madness holds.

You have my love, that never changed,
Even in the deepest of despairs.
Iíve been there in your times of need,
You werenít there when I needed you.

Itty Bitty Ditty

by

Grumpycrafter2

A tapestry appears in my mindís eye,
An angel, a child sleeping, inspires me.
A subject interpreted in many ways,
I set up the loom, laying the threads.

A weaver of words, I tell myself,
Can create a picture the reader can see.
The threads Iím working just tangle up,
Distorting what Iím trying to weave.

Write what you know, is a good idea,
That image was out of my league.
A dog, his blankie, and a cold winterís night,
Now thatís simple enough for me.

Grandma's Hug

by

Grumpycrafter2

I loved to sit on Grandma's lap.
She gave me the very best hugs.
A cuddle, a smile, and "I love you, Wouisy," --
Four words I miss very much.

I drove, one day, with an anguished soul.
Parkinsonís disease, the neurologist said.
The future I dreamt of was now gone.
No words could calm the panic I felt.

I vowed with strength I would fight this disease,
Knowing what future could now be my own.
Three weddings I plan to dance at some day;
My granddaughters will be counting on me.

"I need a hug!" I cried out to God --
Impulsive words spurred by such pain.
A spirit appeared on the road just ahead.
I thought, "Someone was listening to me."

Peace filled my soul as she entered the car;
Familiar arms gently pulled me near.
"I love you, Wouisy," -- words felt, not heard.
I was on Grandmaís lap once again.

Dance With Me

by

Grumpycrafter2

Misconceptions,
secret
love,
choreographed
separate
lives.

Each
dancing
to
synchronal
songs.

Thoughts
exchanged,
truths
revealed,
a new
song
begins.

Slowly
sway
in his
arms
to
three-quarter
time.

Feelings
voiced,
dreams
shared,
first
he
leads,
then you.

Music
stops,
the
dance
continues
to the
rhythm
echoes.

A
waltz
of
love,
another
song
begins.