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Julie Marie Durfee

of

Mesa, AZ, US

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Anguish

by

Julie Marie Durfee

With jaded eyes I look to Him
the One who gave me life
and ask why.
But then I know,
I am not supposed to have the answers.
The place I am to go is not self-comforting.
It is the place where I cast off this cloak of
pain and tears
And place it at His feet.
For a moment I feel His hand touch my bowed head
and I am filled with peace.


Gentle Love

by

Julie Marie Durfee

Gentle as a summers breeze
Your tender kiss weakens my knees.
To be with you is all I desire
Holding your hand and facing the fire.
Your love is a treasure worth more than gold
I'll keep it forever - to have and to hold.
Comforting words and mischievous eyes
I've fallen in love and it needs no disguise.
You have my heart and you've given yours true
this love is forever what I'll feel for you.


Constant

by

Julie Marie Durfee

The words I hear in my head must come from You Father.
Certainly I am not so wise and calm.
I see you working in this place in my life.
It frightens me so.
But, what a comfort it is to know you are near.
Thank you for not leaving me.
Each day you provide me inspiration and peace.
You know all that I struggle with.
And yet, You are still here.
When I question everything and test everyone,
You remain constant.


The Empty Cradle

by

Julie Marie Durfee

Arms filled with joy
Smiles
Kisses
Singing
Bedtime stories

And I fear, sometimes, that I will never have these moments
So much time spent longing
for a child
and I forgot everything else
The One whom I said I was trusting,
became the backdrop to my wants
I looked at my life and saw
with my eyes
But, looking from this angle I see,
that God sees the future here.
He will fill the empty cradle when it is right.


For Then And Now

by

Julie Marie Durfee

To think of a loved one
no longer with us
No longer laughing, breathing, crying...
Makes me thank the dear Lord for each word, each moment.
It makes me long to be in the presence of God in heaven

For there
will be no more tears
For now,
He holds me up and softly kisses my tear-stained face
Reminds me of the love we’ve shared
and soothes my troubled heart.


Saved

by

Julie Marie Durfee

False thinking
Led me astray
I was sinking
Into the gray
Father, you heard me when I prayed, "Save me"

Out of nowhere
Light shone through
A Son was sent to save
Me and You.

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The Jump

by

Julie Marie Durfee

Swallowing back the last bit of fear,
which coats my tongue like metal.
I jump into the air
Flying, floating in the breeze.
Heading toward uncertainty
New life, or death.
Either way I've never felt so free.
Everything else seems unclear
except this moment.
Where the nothingness and I agree to co-exist.

From Here

by

Julie Marie Durfee

Where do I go from here?
The road ahead seems long & so rocky
What do I do with these tears?
I hold my head in my hand, in my heart
you've still got me.
I may never move on from here.
I would stay here in the memories.
I could live inside our yesterdays
before you sent me away.
And love would never disappear.
But, I here I go with much trepidation and fear moving on from here.

Constant

by

Julie Marie Durfee

The words I hear in my head must come from You Father.
Certainly I am not so wise and calm.
I see you working in this place in my life.
It frightens me so.
But, what a comfort it is to know you are near.
Thank you for not leaving me.
Each day you provide me inspiration and peace.
You know all that I struggle with.
And yet, You are still here.
When I question everything and test everyone,
You remain constant.

The Gift

by

Julie Marie Durfee

You lived all Your life
in an effort to teach me
You died one cold day
in order to reach me

Now, I don't have
a big enough sacrifice
to show You my thanks.
You say "Give your life,
your worship, and your praise"
I could never give enough to you
that means the same...
as Your beautiful gift of grace.

Your Love

by

Julie Marie Durfee

You flow into me
and I find my heart
filled
instantly
I was not seeking You
at this moment
But, You were seeking me.
I was unaware
the extent of Your Love.

Kindred

by

Julie Marie Durfee

We’re kindred
you and I
two imperfect clouds floating
in a cobalt sky

All who glimpse
from the ground
try so to interpret us
no sense can be found

We’re kindred
you and I
two lightning strikes
zigging through the heavens at night

Memere's Eyes

by

Julie Marie Durfee

They held a kind of mystery
a teary sort of love
They cried a sort of beauty
when words were not enough

The bluest blue and truest true
a heart that overflows
Love that not just touches hearts
but truly lives in souls

Never will I forget the eyes
that smiled at me through tears
I often will think back through time
and fondly miss these years.

Shallow

by

Julie Marie Durfee

"Kiss, Kiss darling
you look wonderful!
Did you get your hair done?
No? Your nails then?
A facial?
You must have done something
you look absolutely radiant...you’re what?!
In love?
oh dear, I thought you had more taste than that."

She Typed

by

Julie Marie Durfee

She typed not thinking of the outside.
The fresh breeze calling her name.
She typed despite of her hunger.
She typed despite her pains.
Her fingers needed rest, her children needed food.
But to stop one page from the end seemed nothing short of rude.
Her characters needed life.
They needed her words to be.
To leave them without closure
what a cruel thing that would be.

Let Go

by

Julie Marie Durfee

Let go
she tells herself
He’ll never change his mind
I loved him
as I thought I should
It’s so true that love is blind

Aching for the arms
that held her so tight
Crying for the touch
loving her to sleep at night

He walked away
from everything
and left her to discover
That, all that’s left of life
for now
is to pick up, move on, and recover.

Joy Out of Sorrow

by

Julie Marie Durfee

Sorrow fills my soul
and I am speechless
I don’t know where to go
I feel such weakness

In this world
I thought I knew
the joy and pain
that we’d go through

But, yet again
I find myself
Over my head
and filled with doubt

So, here I stand
before the throne
asking you Lord
to be my own

You fill me with such peace
and I can feel release
no other one I know
can make joy out of my sorrow

Bare Bones

by

Julie Marie Durfee

So she sits and waits in silence
wondering if her day will come
all alone she'll curse the quiet
not willing yet to bare her bones

All her life she's fought the spotlight
yet she longs to sparkle bright
The skin she wears won't fit her snugly
until she deals with what's inside

Window Watcher

by

Julie Marie Durfee

Out the window she gazes
watching and waiting
for a glimpse of her old life.
All she sees are maple leaves
rustling down the street
and thunder clouds forming on the horizon.

Taken

by

Julie Marie Durfee

She let him
take her
someplace she'd only heard about
in bathrooms
and hushed secret conversations.
It felt like love
in the backseat of a Chevy
but, in the light of day,
love faded away
and she was left
with only regrets.

Evidence

by

Julie Marie Durfee

Sitting here
anger upon anger
until implosion is imminent

How can anger run so freely
in a river that should be devoted to truth?

The words brush my ear
"how do you know? was your life ever really redeemed?"

Yes.
And, just because I can't always feel it,
doesn't make it any less real.

The God who filled my heart and life
so completely
in one instant
is still here today.

The anger is evidence that it is me...
trying to run away.

Without You

by

Julie Marie Durfee

February came and went
another one
without you

Impossible it is to think
we're going on
without you

Vividly your memory
stays inside us
burning

Echos of the love we have
reverberate
eternally

To Be A Painter

by

Julie Marie Durfee

How I long to be a painter;
blue-green stained fingers
rich with experience.
The rippled texture of the canvas beneath.
Smell the paints.
Listen to the soft sounds of the paint brush
kissing the surface.
The hard edge of the knife
scraping through the layers.
At the end -
a beautiful scene from inside the soul.
How I long to be a painter.

I suppose though that I paint with words.
My feelings draw out of me every shade known to man,
and even a few unknown as well.

Move Me

by

Julie Marie Durfee

You move me
in small ways and big
Your heart seeks mine out
and draws love
from a deep well.
I could cry

Though you would think of sorrow
So, I gaze at you instead
through the mist.

The Feeling of You

by

Julie Marie Durfee

I cannot explain it
the feeling of You
You're the warmth of a summers breeze
and the magic morning dew.
You're the wings of a butterfly
beautiful and new.
You draw me in like the ocean
and I am filled with You.
Your spirit touches every space here.
I could not find a place to hide.
Your love takes away my sad tears
and gives me strength to try.
Thank you for your peace Lord,
I never could express
the feelings that You give me
Surely I am blessed.

Cancelled

by

Julie Marie Durfee

Dear So and so,
It's over. This relationship is superficial at best.
Why have we not seen it before?
By the way, I've cancelled my subscription to your issues.
Way too self involved and full of drivel.
Or, I've put in my change of address.
No such name or number.
Pretend I simply forgot to send you an update.
But, in reality we'll both know I simply wanted out.

Love,
Me