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Patricia Doyle

of

Athens, GA, US

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PDOYLE@MUSIC.CC.UGA.EDU (Patricia Doyle )


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Unrequited

by

Patricia Doyle

We dash madly through the
Pouring rain, you,
Ever the gentleman,
Unlocking my car door before yours.
Safe and dry in the
Car, the rain drips off
My hair, wetting my face.
We laugh, your
Beautiful smile warming me more
Than heat ever could.
I shiver, though I'm not cold.
My shirt grows increasingly
Transparent, and I wonder:
How can you not know how I feel about you?
Written in every
Line of my face, every
Word I speak to you, you
Never understand,
And still you are wonderful to me.
You drive off after
Handing me your jacket, you,
Ever the gentleman,
Putting my happiness before yours,
Making me love you even more.


Gratuitous

by

Patricia Doyle

And how do you feel about her
Now that she is gone?
The subtle scent of her perfume
Lingers, mixing with
The smell of you and the scent of
(Love)
Sex.
You remember
How soft her matted hair feels
The way she loves getting dressed
And undressed
The simple pleasure she feels when you
Touch her skin.
You remember
The way she welcomes you always, and
The look on her face
At her peak, eyes closed-
Mouth open.
You remember the look
In her eyes as she stares into yours
Unseeing, but
Gazing deep.
Don't you?
Don't you remember?
Have you noticed everything, or
Do you know nothing?
Her back is straight as she leaves you, and
She doesn't look back; she
Understands the pointlessness.
She has never looked back and she
Holds her head up high,
Maintaining the dignity she needs
To keep you meaning nothing.


In Defense of Myself

by

Patricia Doyle

I'm a smart girl.
I know why I do what I do.
I can recognize my defenses
For what they are.
I respond to your rejection
By finding someone else
(Cheap meaningless encounter)
For awhile.
I dress to attract attention
(That slut who does she think she is?)
(Hey baby you can ride with me anytime)
When I can't get it from you.
I laugh at you for hurting me
When I really want to scream
(U bastard how can u say that)
But don't, for my sanity.
A glutton for punishment, a
Modern-day masochist, I
Keep coming back
(I hate u so much)
(But I can't let u go)
Because I'm far too comfortable
With this pain and my
Effective defenses
(Why do I have to feel this way
about u?)
To ever give them up.


Six Weeks

by

Patricia Doyle

From friend to lover
And back again...
Choices forced upon me by
Your circumstances.
Why did I commit so much
To you?
Always unspoken-
Maybe that was the problem;
Never did we speak the word
Yes.
Just "happening", though
Wanted forever,
So easy to take it back.
But I can't go back, and neither,
I think,
Can you.
So now you speak, finally; you say
No
In the spirit of your fear.
And you force my choice-
For I choose to accept-
And hope someday I have another.
The solid lump in the pit of my heart
Stays with me, and
With unforgiving suddeness I go
From friend to lover
And back again,
Hoping always for another six weeks.


Untitled

by

Patricia Doyle

How did I get here?
Meaningless rhetoric spins around-
We discuss "you" and "me"
With stunning frequency.
We use far too many words
To not say what we mean.
You teach me so much, yet
I must unlearn what I already knew.
You play by different rules, and
You change them when I'm
Not looking.
I should have known better, I think,
And a tear splashes.
Why am I here with you
Now
When I want to be here with you
Always?
The lie you speak is for my protection,
And I understand with far too perfect clarity
That I have no shame, and you-
You have no love.


Jason

by

Patricia Doyle

Carefully you know
Which buttons to push for me.
How am I supposed to take you? You're
Hard
To understand.
Your humor makes me laugh,
Makes me warm, as I
Clutch your shoulders and try
Not to hurt you.
I cry out, feel your lips on my neck.
And yet...

A tear trickles across my temple.
You don't see it, don't
Hear the trembling in my voice;
Darkness camouflages much.
I don't want to leave, yet I must
Because your heart will never
Allow me to stay.
I'm warm
In your embrace and cold
In my heart, waiting
For you to discover how I feel
And make me
Unable to return.
Will your heart accept me?
I sob quietly, and
Choke it into a cough.
You must never know, if I
Want you to stay.


Failed Manicure

by

Patricia Doyle

Within myself-
How can I express it?
I see a longing,
A yearning for
Something.
My nail polish-
I did such a good job
Those three days ago!-
Looks beautiful, slick and shiny
Like new blood.
Except for that chip
And that one.
And that crack.
In fact,
My whole damn manicure
Is down the damn drain.
I try
And fix the tips,
But in my impatience,
I smear
And smudge
And ruin.
So finally I quit,
Bright streaks on a cottonball
Mocking my idiocy, while
Naked nails accuse me silently.
I know what I want.
I don't want to hurt
Anymore.