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Nid Collins

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Leicester, England, UK

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The Jewel. (Starting Over).

by

Nid Collins

The boat floated down the river through the august night
Past the scattered lights of Pokus landing and my home
The music and dancing filled the air with some old dream
From harbour to adventure, It feels like all I've ever known.

In search of resolution I hide behind the blinds
To see her sailing by and imagine that she's cruel
In conversation with better men who make her smile
Though I believe this story, will someday find us with the jewel.

If only we could meet...

Closing the blind and then coming back into the room
With the tennis-ball still clasped in my hand from the game
One of my lonelinesses turned beautiful and damned
Fades escape to confirm here, that she could know me all the same.

Looking for comfort after the break-up of the vase
I see a truth before me I can no-longer hide
The small yellow sphere quietly hiding from the act
In little fear of anger, I feel too long that I've denied.

If only we could meet...

Alone in quiet lamplight glow with my computer
The desktop strewn with memories of the last two years
The poems and pictures utterly meaningless now
From reunited to gone, she'll set me free from past arrears.

Following my instincts to the keyboard and the screen
The tap, tap of broken fingers deals the newest hand
While the love boat fades into the deepest memory
Sending. 'Hey you! Great email. Woke up this morning. Tuesday. And..'

If only we could meet...

If only...


The Jewel (Finding Life).

by

Nid Collins

Here in my desire to be with her
I feel a warmth I have not felt before
Though troubled sometimes with a longing here
This is still assurance of all that's true.

Through dreams of angels where love was a prize
My life as a shard from a shattered glass
She will never feel, never live that ordeal

I drank too much to...

Searching with proof that wouldn't last.

Have I found her?

This is the time she's good for me
In ways that I know are just beginning
When fear can still call on my doubts and more
Though know this is truelove, naturally.

Once then, cutting feet on drunk broken glass
The bleeding such a romance way to go
She will never see, never find herself in me

When I would die here...

Believing that no one would ever know.

Have I found her..?

Have I..?

The Jewel. (For Life).

by

Nid Collins

Too long in the night, where I knew nothing more
Than self-preservation and denial of pain
I nursed my wounds with the promise of a truth
Beyond these walls and real and not without a name.

A stranger to life since death took mine away
This heart in the darkness was once all I needed
A barren spell, that cast me into somewhere
I could climb inside or outside unimpeded.

But now in the autumn of hurt running out
The perfect cause, to look beyond my shallow grave
Curtails what is wrong with a name that is life
And strength that I need, to once more feel I am brave.

Staring through the glass at an hour I should sleep
Indecision decides, climbing toward the stars
While fear of this takes leave, as I realise
I'm only afraid of what is already ours.

Love, bound to the aftermath of tragedy
Always alive though cruelly curbed by my own will
Falls to the side of the pathway I must take
Where truelove and future will never remain still.

From fragmented dreams and broken desire
I see new life that believes I can make it there
A happy exchange of light and shade that's real
That takes me from darkness into the sunlight's glare.

Too long in the night...

I am real...

The Jewel. (The Fall).

by

Nid Collins

Scattered across the floor like tiles in disarray
Her emails, while reflecting my own, seem too much
I am hurt and truelove is just another dream
Will she feel this, when my hand reaches out to touch?

This is the fall...

Picking up the pieces of this vernal jigsaw
I feel her thoughts, trusting and just getting to know
Betraying an emotion that maybe this time
This ricochet of promise, isn't one to let her go.

This is the fall...

Reading myself into her world of faith and truth
Words, like so many angels, guide me through my pain
To show me beauty beyond this non-existence
Providence, that's sweeter than the call of my name.

This is the fall...

Holding her letters and whispering 'This is real'
I know these dreams, like mine they are life and to live
Concluding a foray into brave suggestion
With a heart that's afraid, but more than ready to forgive.

This is, the fall.

This is, time to meet...

The Jewel. (Found Life).

by

Nid Collins

As sure as I'm alive, though sometimes only barely
Her friendship was proof that I still have conclusion
That met her there in Gloucester Green, almost slipping by
And briefly considered, just another illusion
I'd find on some pathway, pretending I was better
Her experience a little less than my own
A self-protection we call bitterness and regret
That couldn't have been further, from the truth we'd grown...

From this natural junction of disarray
With signs and portents from out of the blue
And tracts of pain with the 'All of it ruined..'

I responded well, to being with true.

As sure as I'm a man, though at times only faintly
Her frankness was truth that still sought an approval
That took us to the Bridge Of Sighs, almost fearful there
Though briefly considered, a romantic arrival
I'd learn later on here, knowing I'd lost everything
My experience a little more than being home
A broken-hearted time we could dwell on, feel frozen
That couldn't have been further, from the truth we'd known...

From those lateral moments of bound display
With hints and signals from out of the blue
And acts of truth, with an It's an I'll wind...

I responded well, to being with true.

Her arms felt good around me...

The Jewel. (A Heart In Summer).

by

Nid Collins

In the autumn, when the rain these days comes and goes
Skies of blue become as precious, as these moments with you
A letter, or a simple sentence over the phone
Removes me from myself and turns me into what is true.

The autumn, when I want to believe life's a mood
Not judged by the weather of the day, or touched by my pain
But a word, or an echo of love you feel for me
Something childish or something pure, that still whispers my name.

In the autumn I left a heart in summer
Because I found a man can have more than one heart
You have shown me how I can love for eternity
For love is a beacon
That doesn't fade when angels depart.

In the autumn, when the light turns to grey and old
Winds of change renew the challenge, to feel once more at home
A story, or a passing comment upon the odds
Invigorates the soul to be all you've ever known.

This autumn, when I look to a truth that's your way
Not sworn to deliver just my ghosts, or a tainted view
But a kiss, a moments independent crucible
Something magic or somewhere new, that always ends with you.

In the autumn I left a heart in summer
Because I found a man can have more than one heart
You have shown me how I can love for eternity
For love is a beacon
That doesn't fade when angels depart.

Your arms felt good around me...

The Jewel. (Goodnight).

by

Nid Collins

Here in my room with all the fleeting past and restless longing
I sift through the box beside my pillow for glimpses of new
The ridiculous and the jewels conspiring to defeat me
With thoughts of betrayal that confide that this is all that's you.

Your arms felt good around me...

Losing the battle against youth and spring
Grief paying the penalty for age's unforgivable sin
Refusing to die...

Beneath these city lights and ever increasing moons and stars...

All used up and looking at you
My urban thought, is there somebody like you...

Your arms felt good around me...

Reaching for the lamp and it's pledge to turn you into darkness
I turn to where you once lay beside me and just feel you there
The insecurity and twist of faith trying to confuse me
With trails and dreams inviting a night with more than I can bear.

Your arms felt good around me...

Conflict's a value beyond victory
Defeat is better felt walking into the wasted history
Refusing to die...

Amongst these city streets and ever decreasing paths and bars...

All freed up and looking at you
My urban thought, there is somebody like you...

Your arms felt good around me...

There is something more...

I love you...

I'll hold on...