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Melanie Clouser

of

Frankfort, IN, US

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The Lunatic Cry

by

Melanie Clouser

You piss me off, I piss you off. That's the way that it has got to be. I'm not all there. I'm neither here nor there. I'm in between, that's where I'll always be. I'm searching for acceptance, a place where I belong. Please tell me where that might be. The looney bin? I'm waiting anxiously, call the white coats to come and get me. Give a straight jacket and a few thousand valium. I'll be facing my doom as I go to my room, with a smile on my face, and a waterfall of tears on the inside of there. Do you understand? Don't you see? I'm crying for help, this is me. Do I scare you, trust me, I don't mean to. Why do you ignore me? Why do you stare? Is it the expression I wear? Or do you know as well as I do that I'm not all there? You can't fool me, I know you don't care. Idon't need you, you don't want me. You hace a use, and I have mine. Who will full-fill whos'? I think that it had better be mine. What's with me? What's with you? I don't want or need the responsibility of life as I know it. I'm running away from today to find my tomorrow. Maybe I'll find my way away from all of this hatred and sorrow. The looney bin is for me, why don't you see. I want them, and they need me. Faithfully theirs I'll always be.


The Need

by

Melanie Clouser

What do I want? What do I need? I really don't need to plead. You don't need to know, I don't have to tell. You've been put under a spell, and you can't even tell. You didn't know the action,so you didn't have a reaction. Oh well, too bad, do you really think that it makes me sad? I think not. It makes me glad. So, how do you do? You don't even know me, do you? I'm crazy you know. I've lost my mind, I just let go. I don't care anymore, I don't need the pain. Here I am, I'm playing my own game now. It's sadistic, demented, maybe hateful, maybe tragic. Look out fo number one, I'm number one. So you see, it's not what I want or what I need. Its what I want, and know that I can't have. You can't always have what you want, you only get what you need, and only if I feel the need to give it to you. And please don't plead. Some people deserve to die. Some people need to cry. Some people just like to laugh, oh please tell me, I'm dying to know. Maybe I just want a show. But you know how that always goes. You talk allot and then don't show. How the hell am I supposed to know, whether you want rain or snow. I need to know, please tell me. Sometimes I wonder left or right. Other times I just feel like it takes a long time to think. I like it best when I'm all alone. I'm off in my own world, I'm on my own. I can't stand it, I want out. I've got a very weak hold on reality, and sanity. I'm ready to go. Please give me a reason to just let go of my thoughts, and lose control. I would like for life as I know it to just cease to exist. To just leave me alone, let me be. I wonder if anybody really knows how to just let go? Nobody does, they don't understand. People only pretend to understand, but we are being judged. You judge me, you judge yourself. Think about you, before you go thinking of me. I really don't know which way to go. Please tell me if you see the nice men in white coats. They can help me, I know they will, they always have before. They're always happy to do for people like me. They know what I need, and they give it to me. They don't have to ask, and I don't need to tell. Everybody else can just go to hell.