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Alison Carrie

of

Baltimore, MD, US

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your plight

by

Alison Carrie

no matter how hard i try
i know i always will turn a blind eye
to all the things i never wanted to believe
to all your lies i was so naive
how i wished you were the one
that would clear the clouds from the sun
no matter how dark i felt
the hail and rain you seemed to melt
the tears i tried to shed
always turned to a smile whenever you said
that i was the most beautiful in the world
and with every kiss my head swirled
all the times you looked through to my soul
your love was the only thing that made me feel whole
the words you said are embedded in my brain
my insecurities and fears you seemed to drain
showing me the best side of myself
letting me put my past up on the highest shelf
leaving it only to memories for a lonely day
this feeling to continue i always had to pray
for if the future is not to be as bright
and you running so far away from that which you promised, your plight
taking back all the words that changed my life so much
no longer to be comforted by your touch
instead knowing that it means less and less
starting to question how i got into this mess
and how i let myself go so far down
in your love i started to drown
how i wish i never let it get this far
the one thing i thought would last forever is now just a scar
everyone told me it would end this way
with me lost in my feeling and you beginning to stray
away from all the feelings we once shared
even though each new embrace you knew i was scared
but you reassured me we would always be together
through the snow, wind, no matter the weather
you would hold me close whenever i would shiver
your lips always seemed to make me quiver
how i wish i listened to all their warnings
of how you would leave me each morning
and climb into my bed just for a moan
ripping it all off just down to my bone
tearing each muscle as each passed
the time it took you to get to my heart seemed so fast
taking everything i once believed to be right
but around your finger you tied me too tight
and when you severed it i became so lost
my heart you once had melted has turned to frost
and the beauty in life now seems so fake
for all the lies and smiles that I had to take
leaving me so weak and alone
everything we did has caused me to realize ive grown
so much faster then i ever thought i would
but living for you showed me that love i could
experience only if it was love in return
but lust it was for you, my body is what you learned to yearn
not my heart, my feelings, my soul
my innocence i never though you would take, you stole
i gave you myself in ever way
but this pain and deceit is how you pay
bringing me to the point of wishing for death
crying for you was my last breath
before all the pills took their course
i hope knowing that i could not live without you, you felt remorse
as you looked in the back of the church
my soul for the truth i did search
now six feet under in the ice, cold ground
the understanding of true love i finally found.


slowly killing me

by

Alison Carrie

every time i let you go
i just cry just a little bit more
the more time that passes the more i grow
and realize its you i truely adore.

your smile still makes my knees weak
even though i know you cant see
all the glances i feel i must sneak
because with you i feel so free.

i wish that it was not just the past
a future together not as two but one
everything was over oh so fast
but it seems we were doomed before we begun.

now i am left only with my fear
that i have truley lost my soul mate
and the thought of that brings me to a tear
unhappiness seems to be my fate.

memories are the only thing that last
for a lifetime full of regret
my depression slowly becoming so vast
no longer your body to make me sweat.

great friends you promise we'll be
but when i am with you i long for your touch
never will you know you are slowly killing me
by not knowing i love you so much.

the real me

by

Alison Carrie

too long have the memories haunted me
wanting to forget but constantly reminded
curling up so tight and never getting relief
the pain is just too much to bear.
once the feeling of safety cleared my mind
but now mistrust and paranoia plague me
of how you took what i never wanted to give
and all the tears i shed.
no matter how much of my past i revealed to you
all the scars will forever remain
and all the horrible decisions i have made
that not only hurt those i love but also myself.
the drugs and drinking my life long addictions
the depression that will never heal
the promiscuity i have faced is overwhelming
and all the nightmares where i can never hide.
no matter how many times i told you i cared
to the lies you made me believe
i wanted you to become something you never were
so i turned a blind eye to all the abuse.
all the drinks i indulged in never could forget
the bruises i suffered from that fateful day
you changed my life in such a way
never will i ever be the same.
my faith in Him i will never regain
for the blame i placed for my pain
all the desperate prayers i cried
no results did i ever recieve.
you refused to talk with me
and convinced the world i was lying
only those who knew my true heart
could sense what was deep inside.
please help me forgive you
for all the things you have done
having the most profound effect on my life
and never knowing just how much you killed the real me.