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Carjeanne

of

Denver, CO, US

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carjeanne@yahoo.com (Carjeanne)


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Longing

by

Carjeanne

New love. Fun love. Middle-aged love.
Two middle-aged people full of hope, full of love.

But, he, feeling neglected, unable to share her.
Distancing them with angry words,
With unfounded accusations about her children.
Filled with his own devouring need to be cherished.
Wanting love, but not knowing how to keep it.

And not understanding that a mother
Knows how to love many people at once.

She, torn, wanting his love.
But wanting truth and honesty; respect and friendship.
Wanting her children, too.

Hopeing they can talk enough, love enough to see this through.
But leaving, finally, because she must hold her own truth.
And she must hold her own children close to her heart.

Two people loving each other.
Each on their separate mountaintop.

They stretch their fingers across the chasm between them.
But they cannot reach.

Slowly, they turn...

And quietly...sadly...walk away.


Aspen Acres: Mountain Hideaway

by

Carjeanne

Wind blowing gently through the trees;
Rain on the metal roof;
Bluejay screeching for seeds;
Chipmunk watching the door;
A half-started nature puzzle;
Assortment of books, waiting patiently;
Squirrel running up the carefully-placed tree-branch
for his birdbath-drink;
Chickadees splashing, then flitting away;
Woodpecker bathing; gone in a red flash;
A gravel road quietly guarding far-off mountain vistas;
The warm sun; the dark, still night.
Aspen Acres: Sanctuary.

Seems like just an old beat-up country trailer.
Really, a haven nestled in the midst of two beautiful
acres of trees.
Aspen Acres: nature. mountain hideaway.
Aspen Acres: peace, solitude, meditation.
Ahhhhhhhhh.


Boundary Setting

by

Carjeanne

Once upon a time a book was read.
I wanted, oh HOW I wanted, to believe what it said:
It's OK to set boundaries! Learn to love yourself!

It's OK!!! But - I tried it. It's hard!
I told him I was lonely; only a little time please, for myself. For us.
He told me he was busy making money for me. For us.
I kept trying. FInally, I went in search of
My own happiness.

I told her my reasons not to wait after work
For hours to meet her for that special show.
Angrily, she told me I never did what she wanted--
Even though she KNEW it wasn't so.
I kept trying. Finally, I went in search of
My own happiness.

I told him he couldn't have a free ride
And a free mountain vacation every weekend.
I told him I needed him to pay his own way.
He told me I was selfish. Unreasonable. Going anyway.
Why should HE help with MY car and MY cabin?
I kept trying. Finally, I went in search of
My own happiness.

I asked a wise lady: Is it REALLY OK to set boundaries?
Will it ever work out? Why am I always the guilty one?
She said: "I support you in taking care of yourself and
Establishing boudnaries for your friendships."

Her wisdom shown through as she said:
"As we grow and evolve spiritually, we love ourselves
And begin to experience a wholeness and serenity....
When we start to give out those vibrations
Of self-love and contentment, we will begin
To attract like-minded and like-spirited people."

And I did! Here she was! And THERE'S another! And another!
Independent, like-minded, friends who love themselves -- and others.
Ones who accept a "no;" honor a feeling; respect a need.
Without feeling hurt; or rejected; or angry; or mean.

I wonder: How many more will I find on this journey well begun?
Yes! It IS ok to set boundaries!


9/11/01: But for the Grace of God...

by

Carjeanne

Faces filled with grief, with terror,
with resolve, with hope;
Eyes that search endlessly for skylines;
for people; for answers.
I watch silently. Or tearfully. Or angrily. Still, I watch.
And, but for the grace of God, there go I ...

In a few more weeks the beloved only daughter
Will at last walk the streets of the Big Apple
Following her bliss at the mid-town drama school,
Envisioning her name in the lights of Broadway.

Not so long ago, the beloved only son
Walked the halls of that militaristic five-sided building
Dispensing bright smiles and computer support
To many who faced terror and grief and death on a Tuesday.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring?
Have you hugged your kids today?
Have you called your folks today?
How would you live today if you knew it were your last?

Today, can you find hope and plan your future
And walk with your head held high?
Today, how can you help the thousands who suffer
Old, or brand-new, wounds? And those cradling broken hearts?


A Different Person

by

Carjeanne


The battle-scarred warrior,
Covering his bullet wounds with a touristís T-shirt,
Entered Sears Tower, watched a Broadway show,
Flew to Hawaii, and walked the streets of Santa Fe.
And each time he was a different person.

The sleep-troubled man
Sat in the front yard and
Drank in the peaceful view of a distant
Snow-covered mountain-top.
And he was a different person.

The pain-ravaged man
Soaked up the beauty and the power of nature
As colored lights played on the mighty roaring falls
Across the river from the country for which
This Marine gave his youth.
But, for a while, he was a different person.

The ill middle-aged man,
Raised in a dusty town
On the dry western plains,
Walked with joy beside a quiet
Pennsylvania pond, through lush grass,
Reveling in the shade of the six-acre stand of trees.
And he was a different person.

The emotionally-ravaged man
Vigorously built the fence
On his own two secluded mountain acres.
Galloped his black horse Shadow across the plains.
Enthusiastically watched his Rockies win.
And he was a different person.

Maxima; maxima.
Ever the warrior.
Ever the memories.
And yet, ...sometimes...
A different person.
Sometimes finding a moment of peace
Deep within himself;
Right where it has always resided.