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Callum

of

Hightae, Scotland, UK

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callisto126@hotmail.com (Callum)


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Ode To A Banana

by

Callum

Bananas are great,
Bananas are good,
Bananas are the only tasty yellow food.

Some like them hard,
Some like them soft,
I like them in sandwich and so does Loft.

The EU tried to make ‘em straight,
They tried to mess with nature,
But I think I showed ‘em right when I killed the preacher.

Took him hostage late one night,
With a yellow banana,
To ease the tension building up I put on some Nirvana.

Phoned up EU on the phone,
Said "get rid of your dumb laws,"
They said that I was off my nut - "bananas were a lost cause."

I tried to move the preacher dude,
I wanted him outside,
But he jumped off the parapet and then promptly died.

I thought from then my cause was lost,
I decided to go hide,
The police showed up - took fingerprints, decided suicide.

So I went home to my warm bed,
And slept the whole day after,
I had a vision from the lord god so I became a Rasta.

The moral of this poem is,
To enjoy just what you got,
Cos if you try to kill a priest, you might just get caught.

The end is here its not quite finished,
I needed an extra line,
To see if people would read on, to see the whole poem rhyme.


The Story Of My Life (Almost)

by

Callum

I was thinking late one night, about the job that I would like,
Philosophy philosophy, there’s nothing I would rather be,
Than a famous philosopher, with a house and nice new car,
Used to want to be prime minister, or a Microsoft systems administrator,
I soon realised I was mad, so spent some time in the country of Chad.
When I returned my dreams were clear, I needed a girlfriend and plenty of beer
After I woke up with a real sore head, I felt so hungry I baked some bread
Feeling refreshed and fairly happy, I wrote an essay of philosophical theory
Became a best selling author overnight, and then a famous classical playwright.
Soon I hit age 33, and moved to a different career you see,
I became an enthusiastic young entrepreneur, and started a little shop selling manure
Made a million overnight, but then my secretary died with fright
Saw a ghost in the middle of the shop, so I packed up and sold it off
Now I’d reached the old age of 40, but I knew that I’d always been sporty
I joined the Thailand Olympic hurdling team, cos my dad had a quick fling with the queen,
We won the gold because of my ability, and the Thai’s amazing agility
Then I was 60, the age to retire, unfortunately my house burned down in a fire
So I lived out my days in a retirement home and died with nothing except this crappy poem.