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Cameron Calder

of

Vancouver, BC, CA

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My Thoughts...

by

Cameron Calder

My Mother...
Like a bird in a box
Like a frail and injured
Such a preciouse thing
My heart in a vice
Squeezed with anger
Pressed for time
The pressure of the bottom of the sea
No craft, no suit, no defense, no releif

Is this the weight of the world
Forcing the life from my body?

I need my strength for her.

Short of my sanity, which keeps
her in my thoughts
My every vitality
Should go to her.
My smiles, my laughter, my strength,
My blood and my breath
My magic, my skills
My heart and my wills
My love, my love, my love

For every time you cured my world
By rubbing my back,
Take ten years and live forever
Because I still need you.


So I Join The Rats

by

Cameron Calder

Thus I digress
To live amongst the rats,
The eaters of minds and hearts.
I wish now only to destroy...

And these are my more dim moments,
When I've spent too much time alone;
When my own heart is spent
And I selfishly yearn to fill it;
A vacuum for emotion.
It's confusion leads it neither to joy
or to hatred.
It's desperation guides it
Down a path of broken glass
On the barest, pinkest, unweathered of feet
Where attitude alone
Is the callace to hold back
The scathing wounds.
And the medicine...
The smile of a stranger.
One unaware of my evil,
and my pain.

My smiles wear red dresses
and high heals.
Or they are laughter
or orgasm
Or they barroll down a mountain
Teetering on the edge of too fast.
DANGEROUSLY!
They're a fresh piece of gum
Or a new tire on my bike.
They visit in a moment of need,
Sometimes Lunacy.
They I laugh...
Like it really means something.
And when it does,
They liquify,
and roll down my face.
Saltwater laughter, and it
Takes me to the sea.
With gulls and eagles looking over
and about.
Soaring watchfully, and I'm safe;
Supervised.

The wind pulls at my hair.
I wish it would pull each strand
right out of my head!
*A moment of ANGER*
Again with the rolling...
This time the waves;
Pounding, crashing, soothing.
And the sand between my toes...
Sand is just glass,
Just ground finer.
The shithalk's screaming
Breaks my pity.
You sometimes need to concentrate
To feel the pain.
Yet the pain reminds us of days
Without tears.
With the vanishing anger
and smoldering tears
And glass grinding back into sand.
One day I woke up uncertain.
And a smile from a stranger
Gets stuck somehow on my face.
And I'm happy.