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Carrie Bailey

of

Austin, TX, US

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Cathedral

by

Carrie Bailey

I live in the cathedral of accusation
Damnation is my religion
Truth was my decision
Inside the great hall
A painted sky graces the ceiling
And ivory birds frozen in flight
Accompany me as I state my penance
Forever.

You have made yourself a sheep now
And me the master of slaughter
But I find
Just how sharp your teeth are
And tiny hooves can kick
As hard as a ten pound sledgehammer.

I drift from room to room
There are dusty mirrors in these silent halls
Reflecting to me
Just what I should be
But I donít pay attention to them at all.

And finally
A window there!
I fumble with the latches
Thinking to get some air
But itís no use
They are locked to me
And might as well be
Imaginary.


Cafť

by

Carrie Bailey

I sit by the window
Glancing at the torrid rain
And try to pretend I am in Italy instead of this redneck pancake house
Strangers accost me for cigarettes
And mere pocket change

Coffee comes
I add my necessities
Cream and sugar equal disguised caffeine
Swirling white and tan and warm

Another cigarette now
Where the hell is my water
The waiters in Italy
Would never forget that.


Traffic

by

Carrie Bailey

Fists pounding the wheel in bitter frustration
Even the radio annoys
Ah, CDís are saviours
My legs stick to the seat itís so damn hot

Some prick next to me throws me a crooked grin and revs his ancient engine
Right.
As if I could race him
No matter
Blow smoke out the window
So it doesnít dust the dashboard again

An old man finds something fascinating in his left ear
And takes time to show it to his scowling wife
Probably been married longer
Than Iíve been alive

Two kids in the back of a red Honda
Wave to me and stick out their tongues
They should be buckled up
Itís the law

Waves of heat look like ripples in water standing
I think Iím going insane
And then
Our newly aquainted group is granted

The green light.


The End of Eternity

by

Carrie Bailey

When all else fails
and the shadows envelop it all
When happiness fades
and we don't converse at all
It is harder to say
I want this dissolution
It is harder to say
This is last call
This is my resolution

How can you look at someone you known forever
and say
Eternity ends now?
I've always lived under your wing
Can I fly alone?

for Pix


Blatherings of a Hungover Mind

by

Carrie Bailey

What's the big idea of people taking you for the greatest ride and then dropping you off in some remote desert country? I got put on love's jet and dropped off in Abudabi or something like that. It makes me nauseated that I still cling to this very desperate idea of love. Or lust, does it really matter? It seems my life has two horizons, an Eastern and a Western. Now this is interesting. I've got the little moon hanging out on one side, she's a definite and the SUN, she's a definite too. I always find solace in her arms. Now I'm learning how to in his again. May the forces of Chaos be without you.
I'm out.


Dissolution

by

Carrie Bailey

I've come to the conclusion that in my life you'll always reside
Tucked safely within the chambers of my heart
You'll only have to peek at what fills me inside
To know I'm slowly coming apart

It's getting harder to hide the burning within
A life of tremendous pain and shame
A burning of hearts, a searing of sin
My whole existence caught in your flame

When you said that we'd be together
Not in this lifetime but another
I decided then and there, I'd wait forever
To fall into your embrace as your lover

Forever locked in this cycle, bound by heavy lock and chain
I cannot perform on this dark and dusty stage
And I shudder inside from the desperation and strain
And my life in retaliation, refuses to turn the page

It all remains firmly ensconced in this bed of dysentery
As I pull through yet another cloudy day
How can the solution be my source of misery?
And only the means to an end can show me the way?

Your face in memory draws further from me
My ship has tossed and crashed on your shore
A waking moment, a dissolution of dream
As I slowly fade from your door.


Testimonial

by

Carrie Bailey

I tore myself down to the ground
I put up a wall as testimony
Everything inside me had died
Leaving only melancholy

You found a tiny sliver
You saw a tiny crack
Continued to chip away at it
Til' there was no turning back

I'm so vulnerable now
I can't hide behind my wall anymore
You exposed my bleeding heart to the world
Now I can't pretend like I did before

I was happy being sad
Why couldn't you just leave me be?
It wasn't all that bad
Masquerading in disparity

I'm so lost now
In sailing these black seas
Convinced in confusion
That love is an unattainable rarity.

My thawed heart throbs with emotion
Tears again cloud my eyes
So much easier when I was frozen
And didn't have to apologize.

So turn back to black my heart
Turn away and don't accept
Begone, possibilities endless
Live life without regret.


Untitled

by

Carrie Bailey

The trees swayed and sighed
their branches catching the wind
until breathless again they let fly
the song of night
swirling
within a cloud of dark within dark
absence of light
until there was no blackness left...