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Therese Bacha

of

D. D. Ormeaux, QC, CA

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tbacha@videotron.ca (Therese Bacha)


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Give Me Time

by

Therese Bacha

Give me time to search for knowledge especially the nature and the meaning of existence
to become a person with a practical philosophy calm attitude towards life even in the face of unhappiness danger and difficulties.
Give me time to go beyond what is natural regular and customary anything that gives a reason for believing that belief and trust in one's own powers could relieve the many anxieties that occupy my mind today as I was feeling like a person whose life is troubled by stormy feelings due to carrying a heavy load with a sadden heart.
Give me time to avoid having that wide and considerable extent of relating to one's views only in order to gain relief and sympathy due to my moments marked by thoughts of imminent destruction.
Time will only help me answer all questions with assurance and confidence when confronted with any wide variety of subjects .
Time will allow me to succeed in one thing and can now move on definitely to achieve a kind of stillness and progress later in closing my wounded pride while watching with harmony the color of nature. A rainbow in the sky.
Give me time to dream of an overnight journey with a cultured person, a person living in a grand style whose interests are not materialistic but kind and generous notable for having an unusual velocity morally strong with well balanced minded with skills possessing an ability in communication to help me stop struggling gasp my breath and direct my moods toward listening with the knowledge of speaking.
Give me time to wait for that person knock at my door needing my presence not to feel neglected .
Oh ! give me the time to look up for the first time and watch a type of cloud high in the sky delicate and feathery in appearance as it often implies a similarity to a wealthy and privileged person with distinctive taste who shows a particular character whose ingenuity could gather my thoughts towards acknowledging a talent for survival when things look bad
and accept them sometimes as a gift from God.
Give me time to venture beyond what is right to survive when the will of independence is known to have a high price to pay as many things change yet not everything when we understand the secrets of our own nature by taking a philosophical view of a personal situation to be guided by reason and not feelings.
Give me time to look at him in astonishment when our paths will intersect while strolling
into the crowded streets have the courage to command the the sun to push back to the sky and have one day more of summer to hold hands
and walk away towards the end of the rainbow.


I Don't Belong

by

Therese Bacha

I do not belong to no one to nobody i feel a nil.
I do not belong to your universe, i became enigmatic.
I do not belong to be a guest in your domiciles, as i am avoided.
I do not belong to share a sunrise as i am abandoned.
I do not belong to your beauty parlor as i look repugnant.
I do not belong to participate to a birthday party as i am nameless.
I do not belong to be present at a birth of a newborn as i am banned
banned to come closer to the mother deprived to belong.

My solitude drove me to flee towards one site
The Lighthouse stand alone far away
far where i can face the rumbling of the ocean
with my hands wet from the rain running off the roof top
my voice might be heard begging to be
saved from the sufferings on this earth
as my anguish has no end.
My soul will only triumph while waiting
for the sun of love the moon of light the stars that shine
i will wait wait to pick up the echo of the passing vessels
listen to the whisper of winds getting windier
watch the dark waters drifting out of the sea
flowing away blown back towards the coast
a farewell leaving me alone.

Who shall i belong to it is so obscure outside
there is so much stillness around me
afraid alone aware of the darkness arrival closer
i called for anybody's support to facilitate
my survival alleviate my pain
i am in need to rest and allow my soul to escape .
Who will Who can who wants to rescue me
as i could not save myself.
I need to belong to someone watch over me
love me feed me talk to me look at me,
run with me when i am old to the harbor
before the ship sails but i failed
i had no strength and no one to lift me up
everybody ignored me
the ship sailed and left
without my soul.

My escape was always there it was a distant dream
today its here but what comes next is what
worries me the most i do not belong
and that is why i want to escape
even with an empty bag.
Do not go away do not be alarmed
all i want is to chat with you to feel
that will i belong only through you my friends.
Strangers reading my lines follow me to try
and ignore my anxiety and help myself
to switch them around as i know that i can be
assassinated by those negative criticism
of my own soul.

I totally regret how i feel today
as once years ago i used to see
the world from different angles.
For years i pretended to be happy
but was not as life was so full of
uncertainties those mysteries
were what i could not solve alone.
Suddenly i do not feel good about
what i am doing right now by revealing
on this dark night that i need options in my life
but i have no options i am left alone
and don't belong.

Options to do what to go where to wake up for whom
to eat alone to sleep alone to hear my breathing through the silence
will i be saved or will i melt alone from the heat of the sun
will i find a love that can pave me a path to run with me
to the end as i would find it harder to escape up there
when i am old and alone.
Will my life shine like a blade or will i stab my heart
wet my hands with my own blood alone.
Will i before i die find a love to offer my blood
instead of being wasted on the soil
Will I It is too late i need to escape
Help Oh Help me out there.
Only today regrets of the past that
had caused me a lot of pain seem useless
as i discovered that the sun will keep rising
even if i am unhappy .
I only have one chance to escape and that is to
accept where i am who i am and ignore
what i cannot have
and that is
to belong.


Judged

by

Therese Bacha

Being judged due my jealousy changed my attitudes un voluntarily
my communicating lessened with him as i felt trapped
having suffered so much without my lover.
Enmities developed between me and him
as he was not supposed to imagine what
i was thinking or feeling i am a woman
and in love how can i not be jealous? ?

I cannot predict if my writings will touch your hearts
my only hope is to reach out and convey this message
that anxieties could become an obsession over the years if neglected
i did neglected it that is why i was unable to deal with the reality
of who i was or who i am.

Being judged jeopardized my life long dreams
i was cursed and threatened.
Today i came up here looking forward to heal in the head
my writing comes with the intention of hope that other
human beings would not have to experience
what i went through.

When i felt the stillness in my brain i got worried
my mind stopped functioning i felt dead.
When i felt the stillness in my heart beat i got worried
my veins were blocked due to pressure.
When i felt the void through my sight i got worried
as my eye lids could not blink.
When i felt the stillness while standing up i got worried
my strength gave up and fear took over.
When i felt the yearning to yell out loud i got worried
when i yelled and heard no echo.
The joy of living abandoned me i had
nothing in me left to nourish it.
When i felt i was under there judgmental power it worried me
those causes brought me straight running down the hill
towards my home sit on my chair by my desk hold my pen
write while listening to the sound of the clock chiming
with the hope when i leave this chair
my life will change.

I was once a woman of style shinning stunning yet they judged me
as tedious unreasonable unpleasant unqualified to belong to there society.
I felt once unique universal they judged me as
an undesirable person with no feelings.
I felt once as a tenacious and tender woman i was judged
as superficial sullen suitable only to suffer.
I once felt talented with tact well bred they judged me
as vulnerable with no vitality unlucky worthless a nil.
I felt once i was warm warmhearted woman today
i am washed out weeping unwilling to fight back
as my wisdom withered i am wounded
a wreck because of them .
At the beginning i was always right
today i am always wrong.

Those who judged me over the past years stimulated
in me a comeback of regaining my personality even at a late age.
Today my decision is made i will sparkle and look splendid
feel spiritual and stand strong disregard my solitude
by ignoring those who turned there rage against me.
I will feel special and spin my visions towards souvenirs
that would soften my skepticism.
I will become unbending unbiassed truthful
and trustworthy more than ever.
I will create a tranquil surrounding that i will be eager
to become a triumphant smart and sober snobbish
towards that critical society that once
slaughtered my personality.

I will slide towards the ocean and smell the smooth
air that will soften my emotions while socializing
to allow me to sing out loud but this time
listen to my echo.
I have been single and skeptic my decision is made
to overcome my shyness by sending a signal towards my silence.
I will expose my silhouette maybe to a sincere special individual
who might cast a spellbound over my spirit and soul
and carry me to a spiritual sphere.
My sensational life will begin abruptly ignoring the abuse
and welcoming without adjourning a commencement
that will prevail towards an adventurous encounter.
My adoration towards life will exude beyond
a birth in me will amaze my new companion
with my angelic appearance
a different allure.

My appetite will become apparent to arouse an aristocrat
who will approve and admire my arrogant personality.
Binding with a beloved towards a bright relationship
will allow me to find my equilibration.
I will afford than to brag about my brain
as its beauty will feel attractive and authentic
its serenity will serve to seek a secure security
that will vanquish whoever poured their venom
on me without any verbal direct conversations.

My life will become a long remaking life that
will vacation and vary with a unison unlike my past.
My velocity will willfully create wrath among
those who had judged me.
I will witness the worry on there faces with pleasure
i will wreck there wicked thoughts smother it
smite it shorten its duration and show the whole
world how my shifting to shipshape will let
them yowl and hear no echo.
My wish is to become a witch temporarily to use my
witchcraft against my woes wear them out
until they feel completely wrecked.
They will than wake up walk and wander why they
suddenly feel weird weary with a weaken personality
yesterday they were successful reaching there summit
when they were judging me
today they have to submit.
Watching them kneeling asking for forgiveness
only then my vengeance will prevail
the moment i had lived for.
Only than will i feel saturated
wealthy in my within.


I Write To Escape

by

Therese Bacha


When i felt the stillness in my brain i got worried

my mind stopped functioning i felt dead.

When i felt the stillness in my heart beat i got worried

my veins were blocked due to pressure.

When i felt the void through my sight i got worried

as my eye lids could not blink.

When i felt the stillness while standing up i got worried

my strength gave up and fear took over.

When i felt the yearning to yell out loud i got worried

when i yelled and heard no echo.

The joy of living abandoned me i had

nothing in me left to nourish it.

When i felt i was under judgmental power it worried me

those causes brought me straight running down the hill

towards my home sit on my chair by my desk hold my pen

write while listening to the sound of the clock chiming

with the hope when i leave this chair

my life will change.


Running Away

by

Therese Bacha

I was a failure , weak, ugly i had no friends,
i had no respect from any one , yet; i did not care,
i drank until my refuge was sleeping
when awake i was haunted by my own image,
my bed i never left day or night
became my only love.
I wanted everything around me to Stop
to come to a complete Halt!
I did not want to hear a door bell
or smell flowers or watch the birds fly
or wait for Spring Winter or Fall,
voices irritated my mechanism,
music around me was heard like the moaning
of a mother over the loss of her child,
drowning for me was better than surfacing
thunder made me scream lighting made me run
hide in the closet, dripping of the rain
were like drums in my ears,
i had no regrets as i was unaware
that i was an Alcoholic.