Better

by

Katherine Tildes

This is me
at 1 a.m.
with a little tea in me
Staggered breathing
scared
sitting on the bed
staring at the boring walls
staying inside because I
fear what I’d do outside them

Sometimes I wonder,
why cant we all be deliriously happy?
Why can’t we all be fine with life?
The shit it sends us,
the lies it tells us

I’m getting a headache
sure sign of sleep deprivation
I could just lie down
and sleep
But I don’t want to
that’s the problem
the error in the scheme of things

This is me at other times
not just 1 a.m. sleeplessness
I hide
alone, in my room
listening to music
And thinking,
probably "unhealthy" thoughts

I wish my friends would just listen,
just take my advice when I give it.
I wish I could take my own advice
talk about a fucking hypocrite

I just need him
he’ll make it all right
But he’s not here
and I’m not there
and the chances that we will be together,
again like before,
are rare and slim

Happy
Yes
That’s what I want to be
Not necessarily better, but happy.

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NEXT?
Why don't you look at Mortal Sin Number Two
by: Daniel Bradbury
from: Simi Valley, CA, US

To visit all of Katherine Tildes's poems, click HERE

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