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The Web Poetry Corner - James Bredin - The Telephone Call

The Telephone Call


James Bredin

You’ve been holding the phone and your hand is tired,
The voice is repetitive and quite uninspired,
"Your call is important; we feel you should know.
We don’t care if your name is Jill, John or Joe.
Thank you for calling," comes the monotone voice,
"We’ll do everything we can to help you rejoice,
Please hold the line to keep your call in priority,
Thank you for waiting. Are you a member of a minority?
Our assistants are presently assisting others like you
Are you Irish or Pakistani, Palestinian or Jew?
Are you a reliable customer or just someone new?"
_ You’re not sure_ you’ve been listening too long.
Is this what you heard or has your brain gone ding dong?
Then it stops and the outer-space music resumes
For the tenth time now; is it a sign that you’re doomed?
Maybe what you heard is just not correct,
Maybe see a doctor and get your hearing checked
But then another voice comes on and it’s changed
Maybe just maybe you’re not completely deranged.

"Press one if you’re sure you’re having fun,
‘Cause we’re got the cards and you have none.
Press two if your payment’s overdue,
And if that’s true we’re sure to pursue.
Press three only if you’re willing to agree,
To pay through the nose our enormous fee.
Press four if you don’t know the score,
You’ve wasted your time and we’re hard to ignore.
Press five if you had a hard drive,
Your computer dived and will not revive.
Press six if this stupid call might conflict,
With something else ‘cause you’re up to some tricks.
Press seven if you’re worried you’ll never get to heaven.
You should be at home instead of the Seven Eleven.
Press eight if you have a problem prostate.
Or pressing these numbers while it’s getting quite late.
Press nine if you find we’ve wasted your time,
And you’re way overdue to get off this line."

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