The United Nations is needed by the nasty and the greedy,
Sometimes both the same - indeed ghastly and seedy.
As these nerds in New York at their general meeting,
Attempt to warp the world to their causes by cheating.
Developing dictators want a cure for all diseases,
And their righteous refugees should have Canadian visas,
And this terrorist thing could be blocked with bundles of dough -
Stacked cash with a confession ‘bout slavery though.
This endorsement is now an entitlement and a right,
And if it’s not forthcoming we’ll have one terrible fight,
Among ourselves or with a neighbor; it just doesn’t matter,
Send a million peacekeepers or we’ll be as mad as a hatter.
We have the members and the ever-pliant media,
And enough representatives to fill an encyclopedia.
We have the International Criminal Court,
Where we appoint our judges and often consort.
No panel of jurors and no questions asked.
If our appointees are prejudiced, it’ll all be masked,
‘Cause their staff is selected according to genders,
And their "victims" are given lots of public defenders.
And our court might take an ideological stand,
In league with one hidden but prejudiced land,
Or a strange religion with a stranger belief,
Where wives are just chattels like cattle and beef.
In that prejudiced essay our Experts all wrote,
Small arms of the world should be controlled by our vote,
And no one should have the right to have or own a gun,
Without registering with us -- not even for fun.
In our human development program think tank,
We want environment control and the world central bank,
With the power to impose our own global taxes
Politically correct and all you have is axes
For our Millennium Assembly we wrote an Earth Charter,
With Castro and Mugabe there at the nonstarter.
We sought central command with communist regulations,
No armies should be needed -- just our United Nations.