A Bargain Hunting Gentleman

by

Eddie O'Hara

A retired gentleman on entering a charity store
Told a volunteer she should paint the front door!
The store was one of the St Vincent de Pauls
On the counter was an assortment of woolen balls

The man told the volunteer she shouldn't clutter with balls
The counter there of the St Vincent de Pauls'
Then, he chose two wallets from a box, to see
If anyone had donated, mistakenly

Next, he glimpsed a box of spectacles, and said
"I'll try these on for when I'm reading in bed"
He put his own glasses down and tried many on
But retorted, "They're all for someone with vision too long!"

So he tried on a very old looking pair
And enthused, " These are as good as the pair I wear!"
He asked the volunteer to tell him how much
Adding, "I'll buy them for spares, if they're such and such!"

"All glasses are two dollars, and a bargain," she said
The man dropped a test pamphlet he'd almost read!
"Your right! he exclaimed. "They're a bargain, my dear
I could read that pamphlet crisp and clear!"

He paid the two dollars, as quick as he could
And advised, "You should charge more! If I were you, I would!"
He hastily put the purchase into his left, shirt pocket
While the woman looked for the book to give a docket

Someone had tidied the counter at St. Vincent de Paul's
And had put the docket book out with the balls!
The man gave a compliment, "My dear, you're wearing a lovely locket!"
And giggled, "Oh, I wouldn't bother with a docket!"

The woman was new to a counter and to the store
She said, "Well, as long as it's not against the law!
I wouldn't want any trouble for not giving a docket
(Smiling) And thank you, for so nicely complimenting my locket!"

Respondent: "Well, it never hurts to give a few little compliments, now and then
Especially, when they're deserving," he chuckled,
emphasising the when

Jubilant with his bargain, the man left the store
But murmured, "I should have paid more to help the poor!"
On the sidewalk he took his timetable out
And wondered if a bus was at all about.

He sought for his glasses in their case
And turned on his radio to hear a race
He bet a losing horse (by the look on his face)
Then continued the search for his spectacles case!

He rummaged all through his tweedy jacket
Odds and ends clattered, making quite a racket
He opened his carry bag to look for the case
And found it! _Empty!_So he searched lid and base!

Perplexed, he muttered, "Odd! My glasses aren't there!
I wonder if they were taken_by that chap with the hair!"
Despondently, he delved into his left, shirt pocket
"What!" he blurted. "This is incredulous! _And I don't have a docket!"

He marched straight back and into the store
To the counter volunteer he was prompt to implore,
"Dearie, you should practice more! - And give a docket!
You just sold me my own glasses! The ones I put in my pocket!"

NB: A two dollar refund was immediately given_(And the volunteer successfully kept her laughter hidden.)

NEXT?
Why don't you look at MOONSONG
by: Frank Valentyn
from: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa

To visit all of Eddie O'Hara's poems, click HERE

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