The Glass Castle of Bipolarity

by

Dina Dinsmoor

When I was young I thought I heard an echo
from my first grade teachers voice
I grasped a higher concept but I did not understand how

I did not hear that echo until many years later
but this was a different kind of echo
It was the cruel echo of my kidnapper and rapist
I was 23 and he did not let me drink or sleep for days

He sent music to my ears
laughing as he said "do you hear it too"
He would not let me go home till I passed out

The choice to go to the hospital or the police was not mine
They explained how I was "defective"
how I was in need of their medicines
How I was out of control of my emotions
and how I was making my family miserable
they doused me in "healing" art

They painted my world for me
told me if I left their sides
I was sure to be suicidal
Explained that my husband was surely abusive
and begged me to please explain what was wrong
with my parents bringing me up
Surely they were not to be trusted

So,I looked up what the world of science
had to say about me
they said they had a cure
It made me unable to have children
and I lost my husband

Now they said take this medicine instead
for if you dont you will have episodes
that will distroy your logic
and you wont be able to speak with anyone anymore
and we will lock you up
with people addicted to hurting other people

If I were talking to me then I would have been honest
I would have given me a choice
They thought they were forcing wisdom upon me
When in reality by denying me true information
it was they who were unwise

Again and again I would break through the wall
that existed between their mind and mine
and they would put me back
No, No, they would say
You aren't on our frequency
If you dont go back to where you were before
you are dirty with imperfection

And those who wanted me to hear things like they did
would warn me never to speak of it
this teaching me to be deceitful
and sending me to fear again about being with the abusers

I would let the Bipolar person know they
are also a gift to the world
that they are not reciving emotion damping medicines
because they are like bad children
but because they have fewer defenses
like a semi-permiable glass castle
people can reach inside of them
and if we give them certain chemicals
the abusers cannot reach their emotions as easily,
manipulating them in such a way that they get hurt
But in manipulating psychological terms
many doctors have hurt many paitients
and for many of them it is all for the god of money

As for the other medicine
It should be given as a choice
it should be given with the spiritual vocabulary
of the reciver of the medicine
for it is a spiritual medicine

After I took it again I could hear the echos
only clearer this time
which is not always a good thing
for the echos of ideas of saints and heaven
keep me very busy
and yes sometimes there are lower levels
of thought
caught from the vibes of my freinds and neighbors
But like always I knew how to reject a bad one
unless they crowd me in to exaustion
then I do my best to swim under the thoughts
long enough for them to wash away
finding myself resurfacing again

As for the glass castle
People undervalue it
Those who are lucky enough to be with us
are gifted with the ideas of highest value
For lying within them are deep wells knowledge

With a spiritual healing
extended from the church
the bipolar spirit cannot be taken over
And safe within the glass castle
they can see the entire world

NEXT?
Why don't you look at They will always be my friends
by: Francis Duggan
from: Wonthaggi, Victoria, Australia

To visit all of Dina Dinsmoor's poems, click HERE

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