Hysterwrecktummy

by

Diane Klammer

(for Karen)

They gave me anesthesia, I just fell asleep.
Now I have to recover for weeks.

When I was sleeping they took some of my innards
When will I ever get any dinner?

They turned my whole body into a pincushion.
What they aren’t pullin on, they keep on pushin.

My family is here and I just want to doze,
But my roommate beside me keeps blowing her nose.

Some guy walked down the hall with his gown on reversed
But I don’t care to look, I just want the nurse.

The first trip from bed is the incredible journey.
I don’t like this. Where’s my attorney?

Before I had this, I used to laugh at Ben Stiller.
Now I just beg for my next painkiller.

They did a job on my body, I need a drink,
But I just get water from the bathroom sink.

There was a tube in my bladder, I have to relearn to pee,
Who in the hell wants to watch TV?

A friend brought me candy from Russell Stover,
But I can’t eat it. I would like to roll over.

The flowers are lovely, but they make me sneeze.
I feel like I fell from a high trapeze.

The nurses in here do seem pretty nice
But I still have to ask for what I want twice.

Everything’s over, I need relaxation
But this medicine keeps giving me constipation.

When I’m recovered, though it’s taking its toll
I’ll get to have sex without birth control.

One question I have makes me quite curious.
Why in the heck did I pay for all this?

I have to remember, to keep perspective in line,
That a stitch, in time, in time, saves nine.

NEXT?
Why don't you look at `The Worm`
by: David Dawkins
from: Germany, Paderborn, Germany

To visit all of Diane Klammer's poems, click HERE

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