nochalance

by

Candi Timmerman

I see you almost every day- you wound me with nonchalance.
How can you pretend that we never were?
I don’t miss those days, the muted arguments
The messy love.
I remember how
The first you touched me I lit up_
But it faded so quickly.
You couldn’t ever bring the fire I so longed to be rid of_
I remember how you loved fooling around in public,
Finger her on the bus,
Grope her at the movies,
Fuck her in the bathroom,
Get a blow job at Christmas dinner.
How tenth grade_
But oh yes, we were so young,
So naļve_
So foolish.

And now, because of you and your
Bastard child ways,
I have secrets from one who would be my real love_
One who can be the container for my fire.
One who controls and adores me,
But pushes me up and
Sees me as well.
He doesn’t know I carried and lost your child, and you denied it_
How can I tell him how you beat me down so often I could barely breathe?
He doesn’t want to know how you hurt me.
How you killed my innocence with one intrusive thrust_
And I suppose I could have remained your whore,
But at the expense of my
Ferocious ability to love
And I won’t sacrifice that_
I won’t die that way.

NEXT?
Why don't you look at So Many Far Too Many Out There
by: Francis Duggan
from: Wonthaggi, Victoria, Australia

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