DreamMachineTeen Movie Critic - II is a Dream Machine Site
The Dream Machine --- The Imagination of the World Wide Web
Teen Movie Critic - II




Buy this poster at
While Valentine is a horror movie filled with blood, gore and dead bodies, the most disgusting scene has nothing to do with murder, violence, blood, or guts. It consists of a girl washing her hair in toilet water - in the toilet bowl itself! Ewwwww! This would have been better suited to a dumb comedy than a horror picture.

Aside from that gruesome scene, Valentine is remains a generic, average horror movie - nothing special. Jeremy Melton, an unpopular kid who was tormented in high school, decides to get revenge on five girls who wouldn't date him. Of course, it's been ten years, so he probably looks a lot different now - but the top detective on the case is more interested in pawing women, and can't seem to figure out anything. However, when one of the girls is murdered, Jeremy is their top suspect.

The other girls receive threatening letters, and the murderer strikes again - and again. The movie winds up at a party-turned-bloodbath, very reminiscent of the superior horror flick Scream.

On the other hand, it seems that many horror movies end up that way - I guess it's easier to kill off characters when they're all grouped together in a building.

Oh, did I mention that one of the intended-dead is dating a recovering alcoholic, played by David Boreanz of the TV show Angel? His character is flat as a bottle of soda that someone left open. Taking a pathetic stab at ironic humor, his girlfriend starts to describe Boreanz' character by saying, "He's no angel, but..."

That's the point at which moviegoers should start throwing popcorn at the screen for amusement.

Valentine is riveting only for a short while (say, five seconds) - and the premise gets old fast. Plus, this movie is obvious, unrealistic, and downright stupid for the most part, but not in a comical way. The best thing I can say for Valentine is that it sure beats all that sappy romantic drivel that movie companies always start frantically releasing a month before Valentine's Day.

My Rating = Two Stars

Gypsy's Photo Gallery


...the best independent ISP in the Twin Cities

To write us about this page,
contact willy@dreamagic.com (Willy Chaplin)