DreamMachineTeen Movie Critic - V is a Dream Machine Site
The Dream Machine --- The Imagination of the World Wide Web
Teen Movie Critic - V

Shark Night


Jeff Nelson

Avoid this one at all costs.

Shark Night
Buy this poster at
For as long as I can remember, I have always found sharks to be extremely interesting. There's so much we have yet to understand about them and so much we may never discover. However, many filmmakers utilize them to create what they find to be either scary or fun. Most of them don't even come close to achieving either one of them. Jaws is most certainly the best shark film created. It digs under the skin and really invests its viewers into the story. While not about sharks, Piranha still uses fish underneath the water to make a fun movie. It obtains this status by giving audiences exactly what they want, no more no less. Lots of gore, nudity, and plenty of B-movie cheesiness for us to enjoy. I was hoping for a similar type of fun from Shark Night, until it received a PG-13 rating. This instantly tells us that there won't be very much blood and little to no nudity. Even if you're looking for B-movie cheese, this is a huge letdown.

A weekend of island beach-house debauchery turns into a hellish nightmare for a group of friends when one of them loses an arm in a vicious shark attack. Worse, the pals soon discover that the waters are infested with dozens of the sharp-toothed predators. I don't expect the greatest accuracy from a flick called Shark Night, but it's ridiculous that we're supposed to believe that many of these saltwater sharks can survive in the fresh waters in which this film takes place. The script isn't just bad, but it's horrendous. All of the characters are some of the dumbest people I've seen on the big screen. The ending is absurd and leaves you wondering why you wasted your time watching this. I wasn't looking for a gripping story from this movie, but it's been done so many times before that it leaves me wondering how this even got the 'okay' to be made. To be blunt, Shark Night is beyond dull. Male viewers hoping to see some female nudity are completely out of luck. This is one of the most tame horror affairs with sharks I have seen. This includes the blood department. Have you ever found yourself watching a movie and simply not caring what happens and just wanting it to end? Well, that's how Shark Night feels, although it's magnified in this case.

As expected, the acting is horrible. The cast is composed of Sara Paxton, Dustin Milligan, Chris Carmack, Katherine McPhee, Joel David Moore, and a few others. To be quite honest, the performances are such garbage that they aren't even work dissecting. They are equally horrible as a whole. I'm surprised that Joel David Moore chose to be even be in this. I enjoyed him in B-movies such as Hatchet and even bigger budget productions, such as Avatar. However, he took a huge step back in his career by starring in this trash. The dialogue is already bad to start with, but the poor acting simply makes it even worse. If you're still interested in checking this out, be prepared to constantly be rolling your eyes due to horrible delivery from actors who can't even make the simplest of characters believable.

As mentioned earlier, there's an extremely small amount of gore and no nudity. If a shark movie is able to capture the audience without any of that, but be captivating and interesting, then that's fine. However, these cheesy shark movies have nothing going for them, except for the carnage and bodies. The movie is visually uninteresting. The shark CGI is very noticeable. They're all a bit too cartoonish looking for my tastes. It takes away any feelings of intimidation from any of the sharp-toothed predators. I fortunately didn't see this in 3D, although it's obvious that it's intended for 3D due to objects randomly flying towards the camera. One of the only positive comments I can make about Shark Night is the audio presentation. While the dialogue can be a bit buried underneath the booming music at times, the surrounds are used very well. When a shark is on screen, the surround speakers are utilized to their full potential.

Containing a horrendous screenplay, some truly bad actors, and tacky visuals, Shark Night is disappointing even with unbearably low expectations. When the teaser trailers were introduced, audiences expected to see an exciting bloodbath with some awesome sharks. Instead, we are handed an excruciatingly boring flick with no flare. There isn't anything that occurs on screen to keep our attention. The movie itself isn't well-made and the only gimmick it uses is 3D, not the blood and nudity that this sub-genre is known for. What audience are they trying to attract? Shark Night feels way longer than it actually is. Avoid this one at all costs.

My Rating = One Half of One Star

Next movie: Cowboys & Aliens
Gypsy's Photo Gallery


...the best independent ISP in the Twin Cities

To write us about this page,
contact willy@dreamagic.com (Willy Chaplin)