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A quest begins as a personal vendetta for the fierce Cimmerian warrior soon into an epic battle against hulking rivals, horrific monsters, and impossible odds, as Conan realizes he is the only hope of saving the great nations of Hyboria from an encroaching reign of supernatural evil. The first question audiences will be asking is whether or not this is a joke. Conan the Barbarian certainly feels like one. It's nearly impossible to take any of the storyline seriously. Every viewer should be easily able to predict each and every plot point this film possesses. As expected, the dialogue is lame. When all is said and done, I never felt any sympathy for any of the characters. I never learned enough about them to care very much about the characters. It's without a doubt that Conan the Barbarian was created for those who are searching for an action flick that contents a script without substance.
While the main performances are duds, Ron Perlman is enjoyable as a supporting character. The actors should have some fault lying with them, most of the blame should be placed on the screenplay. The dialogue is so silly that how can we expect even the best of actors to execute these characters well? We can't. Female audiences are sure to be drooling over Jason Momoa as Conan. Even though Rachel Nichols is cute, there isn't as much eye candy for male viewers. Be prepared to view some performances that some of these actors will want to forget they were in.
The sole reason for me giving Conan the Barbarian two stars is due to the visuals. However, good special effects don't make a good movie, although it's pretty much the only element I enjoyed in this flick. The battle sequences are unoriginal, but they're filmed well and look great on screen. The CGI sticks out like a sore thumb, but it works. This is a brutal movie that uses fast editing, which censors quite a bit of the bloodshed during the battle scenes. The true show-stopper is the audio. Conan the Barbarian may be a dud, but the audio mix is absolutely superb one every level. The ridiculous dialogue is always easy to hear, even with the aggressive and extreme amounts of bass. The surround channels are in use even during the quieter scenes presenting great detail. The visual department is the whole reason many viewers will even give this a shot.
I would enjoy seeing a well-made revenge film from Hollywood, but Conan the Barbarian certainly isn't it. Not only does it fall flat, but every cliché every used in this genre is present. There's nothing new brought to the table here. For male audiences looking for a movie to switch off the brain to, this shouldn't be it. There are plenty of other more impressive mindless action flicks that far surpass this one. Conan the Barbarian is for those interested in some special effects and an outstanding audio track, don't expect anything else from this movie.