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For those of you shaking your heads about my current heart problems, yes, I know, red meat and all that. I was raised on midwestern soul food, you know, lots of red meat and potatoes, as was Gypsy. However, years ago we began to cut down on high fat foods and eat more nearly vegetarian. Apparently not soon enough for my arteries, but, better late than never.

Also, when you wonder how I handled full time computer consulting as well as cooking (and various other household chores...I JUST got out of dish washing), remeber that I have been working out of my home all that time. So I could multiplex cooking with my computer chores.

Anyway, one of the recipes that I developed over all those years is an absolutely scrumptious version of that old favorite chili (or, more accurately, chili soup, as opposed to Texas chili con carne). Although I once made this dish using entirely hamburger as the meat, I now substitute soy hamburger (three patties per half pound of hamburger...they weigh slightly less, but take up roughly the same volume), and, if you choose, you can completely replace the burger with soy burger without materially altering either the taste or texture. Remember, you can make any substitutions or omissions to suit your own and your family's tastes, but I assure you, that it is delicious as is.

I start with large cooking pot, holding at least a gallon, plus change, into which I dump a large can of whole cooked tomatoes, two medium cans of dark red kidney beans and a small can of tomato paste. Hint: open both ends of the tomato paste can, take one end completely off and push the rest through the cyllinder and out the other end...much easier than trying to dip it out. Turn on a low flame under these ingredients to start them heating up.

Next, I use a large cast iron skillet into which I pour a little cooking oil. I brown three defrosted soyburger patties, breaking them up as I cook them and when they are about half done, I add a half pound of very lean hamburger. After the hamburger is also broken up and partially browned (it should, by now, be hard to tell the hamburger from the soyburger), I cover the cooking "meat" with a moderate layer of chili powder. For those of you addicted to measuring devices, this will use about a tablespoon of chili powder spread evenly over the entire pan. I continue to brown the mixture, mixing and turning it as I do so, until it is thoroughly cooked. Then add the entire contents to the heating cooking pot, stirring them in (and breaking up the tomato paste clump) as you add them.

Immediately add a fair amount of cooking oil to the skillet, placing it back over the flame, and while it is heating on a medium heat, chop almost an entire stalk of celery into small (half inch or so) pieces. Discard (or save for hors d'oerves) only the very tops, where they begin to branch and leaf. Cook these in the skillet over high heat, adding a similar layer of chili powder to them as you do so. When they have cooked for a couple of minutes and when all the pieces thoroughly covered with chili power (you sitr it in while you cook), add the celery to the cooking pot, once again stirring it.

Again put a moderate amount of cooking oil in the skillet and while it is heating, slice four large onions (about the size of small apples, or their equivalent) into "café" slices (a name derived from the New Riverside Café, the Minneapolis vegetarian restaurant at which I cooked and where I learned to slice this way). This is a very quick way to slice onions and goes lie this. Slice off the ends of all the onions, cutting them in two across the grain after ward. Peel off the outermost layer from each half onion and turn them straight side down. Hold ing the onion in your left hand, make angled slices across the onion (about a quarter inch wide) from right to left, until the remaining piece is higher than it is wide. Then flip it down on the (now) longer flat surface and quickly slice the remainder. You will find that this is a very quick way to slice onions (much faster than crosswise slicing with the grain, the way onions are sliced for burgers) and has the additional property that it minimizes the amount of onion juice that gets into your eyes. However, if you are extra sensitive to onion fumes, hold a chunk of bread in your cheek while slicing, which will somehow absorb some of the annoying gas. Cook these slices in now hot skillet oil for a couple minutes, again coating them with chili powder. Stir these into the pot when done.

You are now done with the skillet, but with the burner still on, add a half pan of hot water to the skillet and heat it to a boil, scraping the residue on the pan into the water as you do so. This will pick up flavors and help clean the skillet. Then add this too to the pot. By now, the pot should be heated and the smell of cooking ingredients will make your mouth water.

Now, mince four large cloves of garlic (more or less to taste) and add them to the pot. Ditto for a single large jalapeńo pepper. Also add a large pinch of red pepper flakes. If you are making this dish for young children, you might omit the extra hot pepper, but you may also find out, as we did, that your children like hot pepper as much as you and this dish, as described, is not particularly hot. Of course, you can always add more, if you are a fanatic on heat. In any case, shake four or five dashes of black pepper into the mixture. Add about a half teaspoon of dried hot mustard, several pinches of basil, four or five dashes of soy sauce (or three of those little packages that come with take out chinese food). Add NO salt. The amount in the soy sauce and the canned ingredients is more than enough.

You are now almost done with the preparation. Heat this mixture on a moderate simmer (it should be bubbling somewhat), stirring frequently for about one or one and a half hours. if you find that the mixture is thickening too fast, add water and turn the heat down after it once again is bubbling. After that, heat over a low simmer until the mixture is beginning to thicken noticeably. The final step is to add package of frozen niblets corn. Heat at a moderate simmer for about another half hour (it should be quite thick at this point, but still a little soupy) and serve immediately, with lots of soda crackers. I myself like to start eating it directly with the crackers, using them as edible "spoons."

You will find that this is a wonderfully satisfying meal in itself, and is great heated up once or twice (after which it tastes a bit "stale") for leftover meals. It will serve a family of four twice and if you cook it exactly as described above, you will find it is a never-fail crowd pleaser.

See you tomorrow...

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