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BULLSHIT! There is nothing more important in the entire world than what is going on in Washington concerning a hapless intern's nocturnal sexual encounters with our president. Like Watergate, which began with a "two bit burglary" of Democrat Party headquarters, but eventually wandered into issues of enormous importance, like secret tapings and secret wars...not to mention titillating details about a foul mouthed president who felt it necessary to use the "f" word in every other sentence...like Watergate, this scandal is rushing headlong into matters most critical. Not only do I relish writing about these matters, but I truly believe they are important to all of us.

Consider the contradictions and major issues that have already arisen. First of all, the country seems to be roughly divided into two groups. Those who say that it doesn't matter what Billy Bob did on his own time with consenting adults, even if he subsequently lied about it...and those who feel that we can not have our leaders lying to us, even about their personal lives. Both groups appear to have many other motives and side issues, but this is how it divides. By the way, at present the don't-give-a-shitters outnumber the mustn't-lie-to-daddy types by about two to one. But this will change as events unfold. Mark my words.

For, the level two and three issues that have arisen JUST WON'T GO AWAY. Take one example. Call it the "war and distraction" issue. The U.S. is currently engaged in a very tense confrontation with Iraq and Saddam Hussein. We are threatening imminent military action if they don't back down and do what we demand. We are seeking support from allies, but say we will act with or without it. At the same time, we have a president who is not only the Commander in Chief, but also desperately wants to change the subject away from who's giving him head. We don't need the movie Wag the Dog to further arouse our suspicions about the motivations and ethics of high officials, but it certainly doesn't help. So, who among you isn't just a tad suspicious of the timing?

Or how about the feminist agenda? I watched Patricia Ireland, the head of NOW, go through a tortured explanation of why the Hill/Thomas brouhaha was fair game for women's rights advocates, but the Monica/Bill affair is not. Of course, it was utter nonsense. There is no way that mentioning pubic hair on a can of coke is sexual harassment while diddling lowly underlings on the oval office desk is not...even if, as claimed, there was no "penetration." I am afraid that NOW and the rest of the feminist "militants" have precious little wiggle-room on this one and the quicker they realize it, the quicker THEY will stop looking like liars or fools themselves. For now, they are claiming that whatever happened between Bill and Monica was "consensual," while other situations (say, about Justice Thomas or Senator Packwood) were not. Tell that to all the military personnel who have recently had their careers destroyed by allegations of consensual adultery!

Or, how about the very definition of lying? Lawyers make a big deal out of the fact that Bill (and Monica) may have lied under oath. Then we are told that the don't-give-a-shitters don't give a shit about THAT either...and, you know what else, NEITHER DOES THE LAW! Actual trial lawyers tell us that perjury of this type (in a civil suit) is almost never punished. Then there is the fact that "sexual relations," which are the very words used by the president in his denial, is defined, in the dictionary, as "sexual intercourse." If it is true that Bill used the line that "oral sex isn't really adultery" to get young women to cop his joint, then I am afraid we may be in for a whole lot more of such hair-splitting explanations of "why he didn't really lie."

Or, how about Mr. Starr's methods? Wasn't he sleazy and underhanded in the way he tried to set up the president and his advisor, Vernon Jordan, in a sting operation? Didn't he hold Ms. Lewinski without legal counsel as he pressured her to "cooperate?" You betcha he did! Hey, but, I got news for you. These same tactics are ROUTINELY used against thousands of people in this country EVERY DAY! And the consequences are quite often way more severe than just losing your job...like, say, life in prison with no possibility for parole.

The polls tell us that Clinton is still popular for what he has done (or hasn't done) as president and that most people think that we should "stop, already" with the scandal-mongering. You only have to watch Cokie Roberts struggle to find broadcastable synonyms for the words "blow job" and "cocksucker" to understand why. We just ain't used to talking about these things in public. Not in plain English, anyway. Imagine, if you will, that YOU had somehow committed the type of indiscretion for which Bill and Monica stand accused. Now imagine that you will be required to discuss those indiscretions, IN MINUTE DETAIL, with your mother and father. I submit, that if the CNN, ABC, NBC and CBS were talking about your affairs constantly on the air, your Mom and Dad WOULD find out! Makes you sorta cringe, to say the least...

But the biggest lie of all, the one to which I am referring in the title is the lie you, dear reader, are telling when you say that you don't want to hear or read any more about it. What you are really saying is that you do not want to hear the same stories endlessly recycled (as they have been); that you want some new, juicy details instead. Or, are YOU really the only person that doesn't read the headlines of the Star, Globe and National Enquirer as you stand in the supermarket checkout line?

I have barely scratched the surface of all the effects and consequences of what is going on. I haven't even mentioned "vast right wing conspiracies," semen soaked dresses, Paula Jones, Jennifer Flowers or UFO abductions. Nobody, to my knowledge has inquired whether this president, like all others before him since Kennedy, routinely tapes what goes on in the White House. Hmmm? As I said last week, you ain't seen nuttin' yet. The times they are a changin'...

I have a recommendation for Starr and Ginsberg (Lewinski's attorney). If you don't want your case or your client buried in other people's bullshit, then run, don't walk, with copies of the tapes surreptitiously recorded by Lewinski's "friend," to the nearest Internet server and make them available, in their entirety, on the Web, to the whole wide world. You KNOW this is going to eventually happen anyway. The sooner you do it, the quicker the public's appetite for, shall we say, "stimulating discourse," will be satiated...or will it? At the very least, we will be able to draw our own conclusions from the available evidence instead of relying upon shell-shocked talking heads.

Talk to you later...

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