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Gypsy & Willy - The Original Libertarian Bloggers

How Can You Laugh at a Time Like This?

Gypsy & Willy

No. 245

Go, Dog, Go!

November 1, 1999

Big dog.
Little dog.
Big dogs and little dogs.
Black and white dogs.
"Do you like my hat?"
"I do not!"

When we suggested first Bill Gates and then Oprah Winfrey as ideal presidential candidates, the one thing we did not know...or care...about was whether or not these particular individuals WANTED the job. Now, Gates appears to be content in his position as The World's Richest Man. Similarly, Oprah has shown no desire to trade in her wonderfully rewarding job as TV Talk-Show Hostess with the Mostest for the thankless task of Ultimate Ruler of the Civilized World. So it goes in the world of Show Biz. For, make no mistake about it, the office of President of the United States of America has been, since Reagan, just another acting job to be cast.

One little dog going in.
Three big dogs going out.
A red dog on a blue tree,
A blue dog on a red tree,
A green dog on a yellow tree.
Some big dogs and some little dogs,
Going around in cars.

Look at those dogs go.
Go, dogs, go!

Nor is this necessarily a bad thing. Since when do lawyers hold a monopoly concerning political wisdom? Furthermore, people like Gates and Winfrey have the experience of leading huge enterprises and arguably owe nothing to anybody...at least not to the myriad special interests who pony up the enormous sums of money necessary to carry on a modern TV based candidacy. But, as we have commented elsewhere, these humongous piles of cash are only necessary if you are selling bullshit. Those who speak only the truth, don't need seductive TV ads or legions of spin doctors. They rise or fall purely on the basis of the content of their thought.

So now what?

Well, last week both Donald Trump and Patrick Buchanan announced that they were interested in seeking the Presidential nomination of the Reform Party. Trump was somewhat coy...and no one but Governor Ventura seems to be taking his candidacy seriously...but Buchanan is pushing ahead full steam. And, this man has a LOT of steam to push ahead with. He has been well known figure on the Washington political scene since his days tweaking the crank of that liberal twit, Michael Kinsley, on CNN's political slugfest, Crossfire. He has also run for President...quite unsuccessfully...as a Pooblioob...in the past.

So, we decided to take a hard look at this guy. Does the fact that we are now examining...in print...a third possible candidate mean we are political whores? You betcha! We believe the current one party system...standard statists of the Pooblioob or Demidupe flavor...is aging, weak and corrupt beyond redemption. Buchanan agrees with us.

Like most Minnesotans, we value openness and honesty above all other political virtues. Here Buchanan is a mixed bag. Only a truth-sayer could possibly have uttered the politically incorrect words that have gotten Buchanan into so much trouble in the past. Still, Buchanan has spent so much time in Washington that he isn't completely immune to mealy-mouthism when it comes to stating his views. Nevertheless, his speech at the 1992 Pooblioob convention was characterized by one pundit as sounding "much better in the original German!" His recent book has earned him the label of "Hitler lover" by his only announced sort-of-opponent, Trump. Because of things he has said, he has variously been characterized as a racist, a sexist and an anti-Semite.

Do these accusations hold water? We don't think so. First of all, hardly anyone who knows him...and he is both well known and well liked among the Washington press corps...thinks that these things are true. Indeed, we are reminded of an old story about Lyndon Johnson, when he was running a difficult race for some Texas office. Lyndon is alleged to have said to a worried advisor, "Put out the story that he fucks pigs!"

"But...but...you know that's not true!" sputtered his discombobulated aide.

"I know, I know, but make the sum'bitch DENY it!" roared Johnson.

And so it goes with Buchanan. Here's some facts. His anti-Semitism is traced to his opposition to further massive subsidies to Israel, at least in the absence of any "cooperation"...especially in peace-making with the Palestinians... on Israel's part to "earn its keep." He feels, and we agree, that Israel wants all the benefits of being a de-facto preferred U.S. colony, but doesn't want to act like a colony.

Buchanan is correctly labeled a nationalist. His thoughts on trade policy, on immigration, on patriotism...all reflect this fact. Here he is definitely in synch with the Reform Party on these points. On the other hand, his feelings that the U.S. should not behave like an empire...the subject of his latest book...incorrectly called "isolationist"...is in synch with a LOT of people, on both the right and left.

The charges of racism is based on his opposition to affirmative action. Again, we agree with him. The charge of sexism is derived from his fervent and consistent opposition to Roe v. Wade and outspoken wish to outlaw abortion. Here we part company. Yet, it should be acknowledged that he is not the first "right to life" politician to express these sentiments and that no previous president was able to reverse a woman's right to choose what to do with her body. We agree that Roe v. Wade is probably bad constitutional law, but doubt that its overturning would make much difference in actual practice. About the only thing a President Buchanan could accomplish in this arena is a partial ban...excluding the case where the mother's life is in immediate danger...of so-called partial birth abortions...but, this is likely to happen anyway.

In any case, Buchanan could substantially defuse some of these issues by one simple step: name Dr. Lenora Fulani as his running mate. She is a black woman who has been fighting for fifteen years to open up elections and government to independent voters and parties. She has run for President herself and is an excellent debater. She could be characterized as a "nationalist leftist" and her pairing with Buchanan would bring "balance"...with a vengeance...to the Reform Party ticket.

Next, he could surround himself with some Jewish advisors, taking a leaf from Richard Nixon's playbook....namely his "Kissinger ploy." It shouldn't be difficult. First of all, Patrick is NOT an anti-Semite. Period. Secondly, there are many American Jews, Gypsy among them, who do not agree with our nation's policies vis a vis Israel.

Last, but certainly not least, Mr. Buchanan would have to come out firmly against the War on Drugs. Both Gypsy and Willy long ago decided to never again cast a vote for a drug warrior. We consider them to be completely sold-out perverts. To agree with U.S. (and world) policy on "illegal" drugs is to shut ones eyes to the serious erosion of morality in high places engendered by this policy. We believe that there is not a single valid reason to continue this stupidity one moment longer. Like the alcohol prohibition "experiment"...which at least had the backing of a constitutional amendment...prohibition of other mind altering drugs is a total and abject failure.

So, we reluctantly conclude that Patrick Buchanan is POSSIBLY deserving of our and other libertarian support. Like we said earlier, when it comes to electing a third party slate to office, we be ho's. Mr. Buchanan WILL have to make some major changes to his image to win our support, or, more importantly, to have any chance of winning the election. But, we think he is smart enough, that his character and policies...with the major exception of abortion rights...are sufficiently libertarian to warrant at least a hard look.

We still prefer Oprah (or Gates, for that matter) to Buchanan. But, as time goes on and it appears that neither of these individuals is about to enter the race, we would be remiss if we did not give him a shot.

"Hello again. And now do you like my hat?"
"I do. What a hat! I like it!"
"I like that party hat!"

Talk to you later...

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Excerpts from "Go, Dog, Go!" by P.D. Eastman (1961)...a children's first book.

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on the brand new "How Can You Laugh..." discussion forum.

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To contact Willy or Gypsy and comment on what they have written...or anything else...write to willy@dreamagic.com or gypsy@dreamagic.com.

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