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But, fear not. We have stumbled upon a solution that not only fits the spirit of the times, but also will be in tune with both the left and the right.
KILL THE SUPER RICH!
That's right, assassinate anybody whose net worth exceeds one hundred million dollars. It's a new form of trickle-down economics. It will immediately give more high paying work to those in the six-feet-under business...undertakers and florists...and provide endless opportunities for lawyers and accountants, as the survivors scramble for who can get the largest pieces of the resulting action. This will immediately inject tons of greenbacks into the economy...mostly...until the wills are completely probated...to those who will gleefully spend it on luxuries like food and lodging.
Furthermore, Libertarian purists will note that there is no danger that the supply of the super rich will vanish any time soon. Free market capitalism will guarantee that enough of the only-very-rich will graduate into the super rich class, providing an ENDLESS supply of future assassination targets.
This fact will also please the Greens, since they focus so tightly on renewable resources! Also, since the super rich are known to be gross violators of Earth First doctrines, it will give immediate relief to those seeking to eliminate waste and pollution.
Since this is an almost delicious use of violence, the right wing warriors always preaching truth, justice and the American Way through mayhem and chaos will be pleased as Punch! Forget the Iraqis. Forget the Syrians. Who cares about the impoverished Koreans with their puny handful of nuclear weapons. Go where the money is to achieve killing for fun and profit.
Finally, lefties, perhaps recoiling slightly from the daring-do-ness of this use of force, will, in the end, see the light at the end of the tunnel, as their class enemies begin to be eliminated.
See? Everybody wins and only a handful of over-fed and over-pampered rich slobs bite the dust.
Having succeeded in reinvigorating the economy, we can then proceed to the main problem facing America today. That is, far too many ignorant foreigners hate our guts. Not appreciating the wonderfulness of our imperial goals, they insist on dissing us and blowing up our buildings at every turn. And, despite what the media might lead you to believe, it is not just the towel-heads, froggies and gooks who feel this way, but the vast majority of ALL the peoples in the whole world.
Ahah! But, that too can be easily solved. We noted recently that our government spends over two trillion dollars annually. That's a two followed by an even dozen zeroes...two million, million dollars...a heck of a lot of money. Dividing it by the total number of people who do not live in the U.S.A., that comes to about $333 per person, per year, for every non-American man, woman and child on the planet.
If we dedicated a portion of this outlay...say half...to the following plan, the anti-U.S. sentiment in the world could be reversed in only a couple of years. We could offer a bounty of $333, for every non-Yankee person who is hunted down and killed anywhere in the world...except here, of course...preserving domestic tranquility so treasured by the Republicrats. Or, perhaps we could offer only $111 for an elderly person over the age of childbearing, $333 for a woman in the midst of those crucial years, and $666 dollars for a child, whose breeding years are all in the future. It really wouldn't matter much what the actual reward was, since every new person bagged would be one less anti-American foreigner to feed. There are enough impoverished and violent people in the world to make this work in record time. The hunters could collect the left ears of the targets to present to U.S. verifiers, President Bush could give a monthly bonus to the hunter or huntress that bagged the most game the previous month and CNN and Fox could keep a running tally of the sport on the crawlers that move across the bottom of our T.V. screens. It would be bound to attract high ratings, being a form of reality T.V. so popular in this country at this time.
So, you can see how very easy it would be to solve all our problems if our leaders would just apply their thirst for blood and power to thinking a bit outside the box. Why spend uncounted billions on tanks and guns and jet airplanes when there is an endless supply of killers out there willing to do our work for us if they are just paid appropriately? It's the American Way!
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