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How Can You Laugh at a Time Like This?

Gypsy & Willy

No. 399

Saddam Hussein, Savior of the World?

November 11, 2002

WHAT!!!

No, we are not kidding. As we are writing this, we are listening to George W. Bush gently crow about his electoral triumph last Tuesday and his victory in the United Nations yesterday. Repeating the assertion of our ambassador to the U.N. as well as numerous administration officials that the United States is not bound by this resolution...in the name of "self defense," of course...he put Iraq and Saddam Hussein on notice that unless they obey the spirit and the letter of the latest U.N. Security Council resolution, the U.S. will unilaterally "disarm" Iraq, by force of arms. The resolution itself is perhaps the most draconian set of threats and demands ever promulgated by this or any other international body.

Of course, the irony of the United States demanding such compliance from Iraq while simultaneous declaring that we are not bound by that very same resolution was not lost on us...nor...we suspect, on any other American who has given this situation more than a moment's thought.

However, we also noticed something else. Suppose Saddam...in contradiction to what a vast majority of Americans and other peoples believe...complies? Suppose he gives the following speech...or something like it...to the people of Iraq and the rest of the world.

People of Iraq. People of the world. On November 9, 2002, the United Nations, with the United States of America leading the charge, imposed the harshest set of demands ever contemplated on the sovereign state of Iraq. Not since the end of World War II, when the United States and its allies...after the atomic bombing of two Japanese cities by the United States...demanded and received unconditional surrender from the Japanese leaders, has the world witnessed such outrageous demands.

The reasons given for imposing these conditions was the declaration that Iraq has systematically violated previous U.N. demands. This is true. We have not only ignored many of those demands, but we have also revived our programs to construct weapons of mass destruction. We had many reasons for doing so, but suffice to say that the main reason was that the United States and Great Britain...our sworn enemies...have vast quantities of these very same weapons. However, we now realize that this was a mistake. A serious mistake. These two mighty nations have proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that they will, if they deem it necessary, wage a war of total annihilation against the people of Iraq. They possess the capability to kill every man, woman and child in our great nation and, as I speak, are deploying the forces they need to do so.

So, I have instructed my subordinates to carry out the following actions as soon as possible:

Starting tomorrow, they are to surrender all weapons of mass destruction and means of producing them to the United Nations, to dispose of as they will.

As soon as this is completed, we invite the U.N. inspectors to search any location and speak with any people they wish to verify that we have surrendered everything.

I have ordered our anti-aircraft defenses in the so-called "no-fly" zones to stand down immediately. U.S. and British aircraft may proceed to fly over those, or any other part of Iraqi air space without fear of retaliation.

If, when these actions have been carried out to the satisfaction of the U.N. Security council, the United States and Great Britain decide to attack us anyway, I have ordered my generals to surrender immediately, before a single Iraqi soldier has been killed or wounded.

At the end of this process, which should take no more than ninety days, I will call for a constitutional convention followed by free and democratic elections under supervision of the United Nations. As the head of the Ba'ath Party, I will run for the post of president, but all others parties and people are invited to compete, freely and openly.

We ask only a few things in return. As soon as the actions I have outlined are carried out, we beg the people of the world to lift the economic sanctions and end the suffering of the Iraqi people. Our people have a long and glorious history, Baghdad being the seat of the very first civilization on the planet. We intend to reclaim that glory and extend that history, not as warriors, but as peacemakers. Without the burden of defense against those who would destroy us, our resources will be more than adequate to carry out this task.
We also request that the U.N. protect us from harm during this transition. Toward that end, we request that the U.N. impose the same restrictions, first on our neighbors, Iran and Israel, and then on all other nations of the world who possess such weaponry. What is right and proper for Iraq must be right and proper for all other peoples as well. We can not, as U.S. and Great Britain have done, threaten Armageddon if our request is not carried out. So we appeal to all the peace loving people of the world to unite behind this proposal. Together, perhaps we can save the world.
Thank you.

What are the chances that Saddam will do something like this? We would have to say close to zero. But, what if he does?

Talk to you later...

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