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How Can You Laugh at a Time Like This?

Gypsy & Willy

No. 376

Is Tiger Woods Black?

April 1, 2002

This question was a hot topic among the sport's world chattering class early on in Tiger's career. It doesn't come up much anymore, at least since Mr. Woods himself put it to rest with the revelation that since his father is half White and half Black and his mother is all Asian...she is a Thai national...that he is predominantly Asian.

Recently, the question of who is and who is not Black reared its ugly racist head once again at the Oscar awards. Halle Berry...interviewed by Barbara Walters before she received her "historic" award..."historic" because she is allegedly the first Black woman to ever win the Oscar for Best Actress. But wait, Ms. Berry stated that her mother...who is all White...taught her early on that she "would be regarded as Black" so, no, she doesn't think of herself as White at all. Since the average American person of color has about one third White "blood," it would mean that, like Tiger, she is actually a racial "mutt"...mostly White...but still a mutt!

It is uncomfortable for us to write these words. Our son, Casey also had a White mother and ...at least by majority of genes...a Black father. When he was about ten, Willy took him to live in Washington, D.C. in a neighborhood which was, except for Willy's household, entirely African American. The point was to introduce him to his "roots," a popular topic at the time. After a couple of weeks of being subjected to Black racism...he was first hazed...as all new kids in the neighborhood are...by being called "White ass"...but when the kids realized that he reacted more negatively to the "N" word...they quickly switched...as Willy was taking him back home to his mother, Casey asked why was it he was considered Black? He is very light skinned, probably mostly genetically White and CERTAINLY culturally White having been raised entirely in all White households. Having no answer to that, we never again brought the topic up.

Never...that is...until a few months ago. Casey is married to a White woman whose father freaked out at their wedding when he "discovered" Casey's racial heritage. However, they have long since become fast friends. So Willy asked how many other such incidents they had encountered since then. They live in San Antonio, Texas and both are members of the U.S. Air Force. The answer, given the hoo-rah surrounding the issue, completely surprised us. "None. None at all, not in their neighborhood, not in the Air Force."

Another hot racist topic is the presumed superiority of Black athletes. As prejudice gave way to acceptance, one sport after another has become dominated by humans of darker-than-average skin color. But, if the average African American is one third White, aren't most of these men and women...with perhaps the exception of Dikembe Mutombo or Olajuwan...both Africans by birth...also racial mutts? We're certainly not experts on the subject of racial categorization, but Scotty (Scotty?) Pippen looks like a darker-skinned-than-average Native American to us.

Indeed the whole notion of "Native" Americans and "African" Americans should have been put to rest by recent results in DNA analysis. By tracing mitochondrial DNA...which is passed down unaltered...except by infrequent mutations...from mother to child...it has been determined that there is more variation WITHIN racial groups than between them! For all practical purposes, this means there is no OBJECTIVE determinant of race...and there probably never was. Like pornography, the slicing and dicing of the human race by race is done completely by visual examination by self-styled racial "experts."

In addition, these DNA studies have conclusively determined that we ALL are African Americans (or African Frenchpersons or African Germans, etc.) since the human race arose and fanned out from that continent. Similarly for "Native" Americans. Not only have they NOT "always" been here, but some of them...a tribe known by White people as Chippewa and by the Indians themselves as Ojibwa...appear to have descended from Europeans rather than from Asians, as have all the rest. Besides, we and all our children were both born here, which makes us all "Native" Americans as well.

All this is bad news for racists and those pushing "racial pride"...of ANY stripe...but good news for the mutts. For, it seems that mutthood is good for the human race. Mixing and matching the best traits of all previously isolated racial and ethnic groups appears...as has long been known to geneticists, animal and plant breeders...to be gradually improving human race in ALL ways...beauty, brains, life span, immunity from disease...you name it. Furthermore, it is obvious that the interbreeding of previously hostile groups is a certain way for them to overcome ancient prejudices. That is, if we let it.

Are you paying attention Israelis and Arabs?

Then there is the notion of reparations for African American descendents from slaves. Forget for a moment that slavery legally died over a hundred years ago; that no slave or slave owner is any longer alive; that it is impossible to determine just how much slave and just how much slave owner is present in the genetic makeup of currently alive darker-than-average human beings who call themselves African Americans. Forget all that and focus on the cleverness of the well educated group of darker-than-average humans who are suing corporations rather than the government or random lighter-than-average humans. This takes the burden off the taxpayer...all of us...a shines it on a not-so-popular class instead...corporate executives. We have only one question. Since the plaintiffs allege that there is no statute of limitations on reparations from slavery, does this mean that Gypsy...reminded that she is "all" Jew during this Passover season...is due some money from the Egyptian government?

So, as darker than average humans move into the upper tiers of entertainment, management and government, we assume they are...like Halle Berry, Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods...mostly mutts.

LONG LIVE THE RACIALLY IMPURE!
ALL POWER TO THE MUTTS OF THE WORLD!

Talk to you later...

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