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Since 9-11, President Bush and his minions have repeatedly advised us that the best way for us to help defeat terrorism is to continue to carry on "normally." Judging by a sampling of last week's media, we are DEFINITELY back to normal!
Larry King Live, CNN's venerable soft-ball interviewer...having run out of victims and heroes of the War on Terrorism, was back to talking with the likes of William Shatner about the trials and tribulations in his current celebrity life. Why we should care about Shatner's love life...reinvigorated since the death of his wife...is not entirely clear. I guess we shall have to ask a Trekkie to get to the bottom of this.
The Olympic Games were fraught with various crises. In the pairs figure skating event, Canadian and U.S. fans whined so loudly about the defeat of their favorite to the Russians that the Olympic committee awarded duplicate gold medals in a vain attempt to defuse the situation. Later in the week, when an American sixteen year old...skating above her head...jumped from fourth to first place over the heads of the acknowledged leaders by executing a flawless...and beautiful...program, the Russians figured that "sauce for the goose..." and themselves issued a powerful whine of their own, charging that there is a systematic bias among judges...and referees, it seems, since they also protested the officiating of the hockey event...against Russians. South Korea joined the fun by protesting the results of a couple of speed skating events during which...
In Georgia, a crematorium was discovered to have avoided actually cremating corpses for the last TEN YEARS! Every available square foot of storage space on the premises was crammed with decaying bodies. The neighbors HAD noticed that there was never any smoke issuing from the chimney, but thought "Not my problem..." while customers of the disposal facility wondered just what was in those urns delivered to them after their relatives were ostensibly fried to a crisp.
Winona Ryder was arrested for shoplifting and the (incidental) possession of some "dangerous" drugs. Why this millionaire movie star thought it necessary to use a five fingered discount is unclear. It certainly shows that beauty isn't ALWAYS connected with brains...the subject of a new Web site about to be launched by our youngest daughter Miranda.
In Texas, the woman who admitted systematically drowning her five children is on trial for her life. The only issue is, "Is she sane?"
Bush went to Asia...offered unconditional talks to the Asian component of the "Axis of Evil"...North Korea...entered China on the anniversary of Richard Nixon's historic visit..and DIDN'T puke on the Japanese...a family first. He did give his wonderful "We're gonna get'm!" speech for the 537th time.
But, it was the stand-up comedians at the Pentagon and Justice Department who provided most of the comic relief. Ashcroft...you know, that ex-Senator from Missouri who lost the last election to a dead guy...who is in charge of seeing that America does not "become like them" (the terrorists) offered the following nugget of wisdom, "Christian, Jews and Muslims...all understand that the source of freedom and human dignity is the creator...and, this is our responsibility: the guarding of freedom that God grants is the noble charge of the Department of Justice." The fact that he heads the Department of Justice did not go unnoticed. Nor did the fact that there are a LOT more religious faiths than the three he mentioned. But, he clarified his remarks with the following, Christianity is a faith in which God sends his son to die for you...while Islam is a religion in which God requires you to send your son to die for Him."
Then he added, "Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah!"
The war on terrorism seems to be moving into muddy waters. Israel and their Palestinian tormenters traded many deaths last week. In his effort to bring peace to the region, Ariel Sharon made sure that more Palestinians were killed than Jews. Then he suggested that Israel build a fence. We all know how well THAT works. Just ask the Soviet Union.
The U.S., apparently having learned nothing from our Viet Nam experience, are moving military supplies, "advisers" and MUCHO DINERO into Colombia. The War on Drugs was the original motivation for this action, but now the drug warriors have joined with the cold warriors...no one has told them it is over...to fight "terrorism" in Colombia. Some might say that the existence of a well organized army of 16,000 rebels fighting the government...with BOTH sides cashing in on the insatiable demand for cocaine coming from America...means that we should stay the hell away from there. But then, killing is such fun!
Congress is in a race to see who can tell the most egregious falsehoods about the "other" party, in order to distinguish the Republicrats from the Demopublicans in the coming election. We suggest that all the Poobs running for office paint their faces blue, while the Demis can paint theirs red...like the network charts. Also, instead of names on the ballots...which we all know are very confusing...ask any Floridian...just have each office followed by red, blue and other colored dots. Green Party candidates will go with green, right wing parties with orange, gay rights activists with...of course...purple...and the LP can go with yellow...indicating how much fun it is to hide behind principles rather than actually trying to win elections.
But the crowning delight of the week was an announcement from the Pentagon. They have formed an "Office of Strategic Influence" to undertake operations to inform the good guys and confuse the bad guys. The Pentagon firmly denied allegations that this agency was created to spread disinformation. However, in possibly their first effort to SPREAD disinformation, they said that they would "preserve their ability, for tactical purposes, to mislead the enemy." They stressed that this would NOT include lying to the public.
Meanwhile, Secretary of State Colin Powell, in a sharp departure from administration catechism, urged "sexually active" youngsters to use condoms. Sexually IN-active persons, need not comply.
Yup. The situation is normal...all fucked up!"
Talk to you later...
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