Gypsy & Willy - The Original Libertarian Bloggers
How Can You Laugh at a Time Like This?
Gypsy & Willy
No. 346
Tangled Webs Revisited
September 3, 2001
A few weeks ago, we published a column (Oh, what a tangled web we weave...) dealing with the complications of lying...in particular, of political lying. As frequent visitors to this site know, we believe that the Internet is ushering in a new era in politics, one that values honesty far more than in the past. Now, representative Gary Condit has given new publicity to the Old Ways, demonstrating in a single television interview...the infamous "chat" with Connie Chung...nearly every available avoidance technique.
Now, it should be mentioned at the outset, that Condit maintains that he "never lied" to anyone nor "encouraged anyone else to lie" on his behalf. He says that he "answered every question" posed to him by the police in each of his four interviews with them. The police subsequently "verified" this assertion, stating that, yes, this was true...but that he had answered every question Ms. Chung posed to him as well. Had those answers revealed anything not already known?
Let's examine his dodges in some detail, since those details outline the state-of-the-current-art on "lying without lying." Since some of these same evasions and obfuscations worked for the Lyin' King, Gary assumed...incorrectly...that they would work as well for him.
- Use Idiosyncratic Definitions of Words: At one point of the interview, Ms. Chung asked Gary why he would ask Anne Marie Smith, an airline cabin attendant, to state in writing that she did not have a relationship with him?
"Because she DIDN'T!" responded Condit, in one of his very few direct answers.
Later, his poor lawyer was tasked with the job of spinning this response, since it seems that whether or not Ms. Smith had a relationship with Representative Condit depends upon what you mean by "relationship." Perhaps Connie could have cleared things up had she simply asked, "What is your relationship to the word 'relationship?'"
No, that wouldn't have worked either. Condit would probably have answered, "Depending upon your definition of 'relationship,' I didn't have ANY relationship to the word 'relationship.'"
But this brings us to...
- Use Others to Defend You: Besides Gary's beleaguered attorney, this slimy lizard dispatched his children and his paid staff to deal with his image on TV. This Larry-King-Live strategy...Larry being notorious for his softball questioning... was a lame attempt to let everyone know what a nice guy Gary really is. Result? Well, 62% of the population now believes that Condit "knows something" about Ms. Levy's disappearance and is covering it up...despite police "assurances" that he is not a suspect. This statistic has steadily increased with every attempt of the Congressman to "clear" himself.
- Answer Unasked Questions: SIX times in the interview, Chung asked Condit whether he had an affair with Ms. Levy. On each occasion he responded with a memorized message to the effect that he had "been married for 35 years and had made many mistakes." Noting that this was NOT the question asked, Condit's attorney got coy and declared that the "American public gets it" and that "we all know what he meant."
Oh, really? If we are defenders of Condit, aren't we free to assume from Condit's answer that he did NOT have an affair with Levy, but HAS made a number of other mistakes, like putting ketchup on prime rib or forgetting his anniversary? Indeed, some of Gary's die-hard constituents claimed...in all seriousness and with straight faces...that "Boy, he really cleared things up with that interview."
- Blame the Media: It was only minutes after the Chung interview. However, many commentators had already noted that Condit had not expressed any sympathy for Chandra herself. Ms. Chung quickly got blamed for this, since she didn't "give Congressman Condit any opportunity to say the things he wanted to say" like "how sorry he was that Chandra is missing."
Indeed, the whole sordid affair is really the result of "tabloid" journalism that regards his lies to the police, to his staff, to his constituents...as valid news stories. Why some of the stories weren't even true! Which ones? Can't say...
- Everyone Else is Mistaken: Condit did NOT tell Mrs. Levy that he was not having an affair with her daughter. She must have misunderstood the conversation. He did NOT have a relationship with airline attendant Smith. She is lying. Chandra's aunt, with whom Chandra allegedly shared intimate details of her affair must have made those stories up. Etc., etc. We were surprised that he didn't attack Chandra's integrity by asking "Would any sane woman have an affair with someone like me?"
- Think of the Children: Unfortunately, the only children that Condit can reasonably be considered to be protecting are his own, who are in their twenties and thirties and presumedly able to care for themselves. He obviously does not give a rat's ass about Mr. and Mrs. Levy's child! Did Chandra wish to marry him? He did NOT discuss marriage with Chandra. Did she love him? He doesn't know. But, he did NOT love HER. They were just "good friends." With friends like Gary, who needs enemies?
We are reminded of an incident that happened to us recently. An earnest young member of the Libertarian Party of Minnesota called us with...surprise, surprise...a request for funds. During the conversation, as we justified our recent decision to give no more money to the LP for any reason until they reform, we urged him to read some of our columns to get the specifics of our dissatisfaction. He did, and his ONLY comment to us was, and we quote, "Why, they contained SWEARING!"
For example, we often refer, among ourselves..but out of earshot of any children of course...that most politicians are "dog fuckers"...as in, "If they thought it would advance their careers, they would fuck a dog on the steps of the capitol at high noon." This clearly uses one of the "forbidden words" of popular media.
Well, we said a lot on THAT subject in our very first column (Bruce looks at the 'F' word.) which we now ask you to read or re-read. Meanwhile, all we can say in our defense is:
- It depends upon what you mean by "fucker." Are you referring to Uncle Fucker, of South Park fame? Do you mean the noun case of the verb "to fuck?" Or are you just mis-pronouncing the name "Fucher?"
- You can ask our children and they will tell you that despite our sometimes intemperate use of language, we are really nice guys. Well, some of them will...well, probably.
- We have been married for 25 years and have never once lied to our cat. Furthermore, while we have made mistakes, we have never had any serious relationship with any fuckers.
- The reason people THINK we use nasty language is that we are on the World Wide Web and everyone knows that this medium is a hot bed of pornography and sin. Besides, you can't believe a word you read there. Or, we could just blame Canada!
- We hate to say it, but the young LP'er is mistaken. We don't use any "swear words." The word "fucker" is technically "vulgarity" because it does not take the name of the lord in vain. Ask the Bible.
- Besides, as parents of fifteen children, whom are never far from our minds, how can ANYONE assert that we don't have the best interests of ALL children at heart? Indeed, anybody who maintains that we do not, is an asshole!
Oh, in case you are wondering, Representative Gary Condit is a dogfucker! Definitely, definitely.
Talk to you later...
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